


The Mice Will Play

by Lhiannon27



Category: Bleach
Genre: F/M, Gen, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-06-07 11:33:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 54,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6802021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lhiannon27/pseuds/Lhiannon27
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a soul reaper from another part of the world arrives in Karakura Town and the Seireitei to investigate the increase in spirit pressure after Aizen's initial retreat to Hueco Mundo......a series of events will link the two spirit realms and put both at risk. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>{continued in <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/10686576"><strong>A Better Mousetrap</strong></a> }</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Act 1 - Introductions

There was a string of supposedly unpleasant words flying though my brain as I waited for the door to appear and open. Several languages too. Didn’t matter. What was language anyway but an interpretation of sound? We liked to act like we were the only ones, but I knew better. We all knew better, but that changed nothing. Nothing ever changed. Well no – not nothing. Too much had changed when she arrived. I forced that thought back into its cage. I needed to focus on anything else. The tension and stress of inactivity, inability to solve this dilemma finally reached its peak. “FUCK!” I shouted at nothing and no one. 

Of course, that’s the precise moment the passageway slid apart. He was standing there, as I knew he would be. Haiori crisp, clean, immaculate. His kenseikan perfect. I always wondered if they weren’t glued to his scalp. Ginpaku Kazahana no Uzuginu wrapped around his neck and shoulders as it always was in its nearly nauseating impeccability. He stood unmoving, expressionless but still silently judging – arrogant, pompous, pretentious son of a… He was waiting and I knew he wouldn’t move or even blink until I said it. 

Like gulping down acid I swallowed a sigh and a few more words. “Captain.” 

He said nothing in response. I knew he wouldn’t. He simply pivoted with inhuman grace and started walking. As I moved to step in next to him, not for the first time, I wished the Senkaimon would make a slamming noise to see his composure crack. To see him startled for a second, even if just in his eyes. Those moments shouldn’t fill me with the glee they did. I knew that. I didn’t care. 

We strode silently down the main doro to Four. Again I felt that struggle I had while awaiting the senkaimon wishing I could be going anywhere else but having to see for myself. Which emotion would be required terror or relief? Anger or sadness? The not knowing was wrecking me inside and I started reciting the string of words mentally once more. The one I’d shouted before was on my lips again when Captain Kuchiki stopped. I’d not been attentive. We were there. 

His voice almost startled me. “Captain Unohana is waiting for you.” He turned and walked away. No questioning. No comment. Not even an expression of empathy from the man whose wife had died. Complete ambivalence. Arrogant, pompous, pretentious son of a…

A few steps in I was met, but not by Captain Unohana. Some young kid. His head didn’t even reach my shoulders. Introduction was made but I was too lost in my head to process. One person and so much training, so much discipline was just gone. And I had sworn to myself, after the Shishinrō and Sōkyoku, never again. Then again, I’d never expected something like this. I'd never expected someone like her. 

“No Vice-Captain,” came a voice correcting me as I turned toward the infirmary. “Captain Unohana has the Lady Abarai elsewhere.”


	2. Act 1 - Introductions

1.  
Who? The what? Words formed in my mind but wouldn’t be released. I couldn’t open my mouth. After only a few dozen steps I very nearly stumbled. Lady Abarai? Who the hell was this kid talking about?! My brain finally settled on one word and my lips parted but what came out was nothing but monosyllabic noise. I clamped them shut tight. I looked to the other for an explanation but then there she was. Not a sound, not a whisper, and no motion at all. Her hair braided tight across her chest as always looking more like a necklace, hiding, as we all knew, a scar she never spoke about. Her expression displayed her presence, the one I’d felt from the first bone setting to the last time I was a broken bloody mess, that wasn’t a simple matter of the awareness of her reiatsu. Calm, patient, peacefulness that relaxed one’s every molecule but left one wanting. Exactly, the thought occurring to me but only at this moment, like in combat when you know you’re about to get cut but cannot parry or dodge. You just have to stand there and take it relishing the moment of blissful pain that’s horribly violently interrupted by the need to respond. That was Captain Unohana – a terrifying second mother. 

I couldn’t have spoken the number of emotions that crossed her face as she looked at me and met my eyes. That in itself was a rare occurrence, to be caught in Captain Unohana's gaze. I found it comforting and frightening all at once. Though some were more pronounced and lingered if only slightly, the two that struck me most soundly were the amalgamation of pity and understanding which I did not myself understand. But I didn’t need to. I just needed to know. 

“Lady Abarai?” I questioned. It had taken only a second of thought. I did know who the kid was talking about. We’d never discussed anything like that. Would I even have that opportunity now? 

As always, Captain Unohana spoke softly, “The people of Rukongai – they had to call her something. After you sent the message, we began searching. She was found in Inuzuri behind the sanctuary she created. When she was suddenly missing from the sanctuary for days, of course they came to the Seireitei for answers. I had to bring her inside away from the infirmary. Her condition was disconcerting.” 

I inhaled deeply and swallowed hard. Perhaps I’d been mistaken. Perhaps I should have stayed with her body regardless of what Urahara said even though I knew full well he was right. Her flesh was healing and healing well. Too well. Obviously that’s not what absorbed the brunt of the assault. It had taken days to find her body, which was inexplicably in the abandoned Matsukura Hospital. When I had found her where else could I take her besides to Urahara? I’d been in Karakura for five more afterwards waiting, hoping that she would awaken, open her eyes and say something. I refused to let that thought blossom so many times and now I had no choice. Her soul was injured severely perhaps even fatally. She’d moved intact, as she had from the moment she’d appeared, between the seireitei and the human world without effort or discomfort. Something even Kurosaki couldn’t do. Now she’d separated, her bruised, abraded body nothing but a shell with her core so wounded that… 

“SHUT UP!” Captain Unohana’s eyes snapped wide open staring at me. I was met with that expression of pity and understanding again but it softened quickly. I was about to apologize for my inexcusable outburst when she placed a hand upon my shoulder and gently pushed me along. 

I’d never been this deep into Fourth Division. There’d been no reason. Training, discipline it still meant nothing as my panic rose the farther we walked. One, minute shred of reason kept trying to reassure me I knew nothing, then worry would advance. The last time I’d felt and experienced something like this – it seemed so long ago. I could do nothing then, bound by oaths and laws, Byakuya was going to see it done, until Kurosaki’s intervention (no, I couldn’t blame Ichigo. It had all been Aizen) had blown everything almost literally to Hell. Even so, then there was something and someone to fight against even just an ideal. But here, now, this wasn’t an opponent I could face and fight head on. This….

Captain Unohana had stopped at a door and she gazed inside. “She is there.”

I gripped the doorframe, probably too hard and found myself looking at my feet. My tabi suddenly felt like they’d shrunk and I couldn’t move. I drew my head up slowly, it had to have taken days surely. When my eyes met the object set in the center of the room, my heart sunk. She lay on a raised table with a very thin shikibuton upon it. She looked small and frail and I had no idea how that was even possible. Not from the woman who’d stood in front of the entire Gotei 13 and screamed at all of them even Captain Commander Yamamoto. Not from the woman who’d given back in full measure, when we sparred, everything I threw at her without holding back. Not from the woman who’d wrenched such feeling and sensation out of me I never thought possible. 

Weak was not a word I would have ever associated with her. But there she lay. A very plain simply woven yukata was very loosely upon her and had been moved to reveal most of her skin. She was red tinged with jagged black streaks all over. Horrible, ugly and alien. Even her hair. Auburn hair that glowed like copper set on fire in the sun, luighseach as her name, was discoloured resembling dry, dirty seaweed that hung horribly tangled and unkempt. It cut me to the core, but I could not turn away. Something had done this to her and I hadn’t stopped it. I hadn’t even witnessed it. No matter I didn’t know what, but I was going to kill it. I was going to kill it slowly, brutally, one moment for each of the black threads jarred across her. I was completely unaware of my hands being in fists, much less how tight, until my knuckles cracked. Failed to protect – again. First time a sentence of death handed down from Central and now this. What the hell was I? 

“What,” I started to ask, the question aimed at Captain Unohana who had moved into the room and stood near me. My own voice sounded foreign to my ears. I heard the fear in it. The uncertainty. 

“I don’t know – yet,” was the reply from a high raspy voice. 

I’d been so focused on her frame, her condition, and absorbed in my own thoughts and feelings I’d not even noticed. If he was here, then it was serious. This was something no one in Division Four could heal alone. The thought horrified me. Captain Unohana was beaten and she’d asked something very dangerous and questionable. My feet moved on their own drawing me to her side. I knelt beside the table, my fingers wanting to touch her to allow them to speak for me so she would know I was there. 

“Captain Unohana!” the raspy voice spoke again. “She requested my presence. It isn’t as if I don’t have better things to do.”

A gentle yet firm hand suddenly rested upon my left shoulder. “Vice-Captain Abarai, please release Captain Kurotsuchi.” 

What? What did Unohana just ask me to do? Why? Release Captain Kurotsuchi? I blinked. Blacked streaked red, no, no I couldn’t look there again. My hand. The one that wanted to touch her her face. It now was wrapped inexplicably around the wrist of Captain Kurotsuchi (when had I done that) whose hand was holding a syringe. Holding it far too close to the crook of her right elbow. My eyes met his. What now you clown painted madman? What are you doing? You’ll wish today one of your twisted notions had killed you. 

“Abarai,” the voice was so tiny, so very weak. What was it? I turned my head toward the sound. Her eyes were open even more red than her skin, all the glorious amber in them gone. The jagged streaks blacker. Her lips cracked and bled as she spoke. “Mayuri. Helping.” 

Helping? Him? What did he know of helping? Aiding? Nothing! And ‘Mayuri’?! It was ‘Mayuri’?! Really?! When had it become ‘Mayuri’?! I stared blankly at my hand which still had Kurotsuchi in its grasp. Slowly, and I watched them, my fingers unbent one at a time. Her hand, which had been reaching for mine, slid back onto the mat. A muffled sound of pain drew my eyes back to her face. She tried to stifle it for my sake, I knew, but couldn’t. I moved to cover her hand with mine.

“I wouldn’t do that,” Kurotsuchi cautioned. 

Reason caught hold of me for a fortunate moment and resonated one word in my mind – treason. I refused many words before I looked toward him again and asked why. 

Kurotsuchi rolled his eyes without response. Instead he moved the syringe closer, studying quickly her veins and struck her with it. Before I could say or do anything she screamed. A scream that haunts nightmares and causes you to wake, dripping wet, with a weapon in hand in the middle of the night. My body moved forward reflexively. I felt myself rising only to find each one of my arms was pinned to my sides. Captain Unohana had me on my left and, where out of the silence she’d come from I still don’t know, was Vice Captain Nemu on my right. 

“Because,” Kurotsuchi said as he turned away with the vial of her blood, “any touch, any movement at all causes her excruciating pain. I’d avoided this as long as I could.” 

My whole body went limp. They released me and my head sank to her side. I rested my head looking right at her. She grunted turning her head to me. Even through the ichor I could see the pain there as she struggled to regain control. Always so strong. Always pushing the pain away. Always moving on through it, when we sparred and during the few altercations we’d had with hollows. What must it be like for her then, losing that capability? Blood tinged tears crept out of her eyes. I couldn’t fight against this. I was a spectator. Helpless. Useless. Defeated. 

I closed my eyes refusing tears of my own when something shockingly rough and scaly touched my hand. I looked and noticed it was her fingers, that were always so soft but capable of so much strength and force, but such gentleness and compassion, fumbling for mine. She stared straight at my face. Her lips moved – more blood rose on new cracks. “A rúnsearc! You. Will. Not. Give. Up.” She managed to gasp out before sinking limp onto the shikibuton. Unconscious. 

“She dies it’s his fault,” Kurotsuchi said as he walked out the door, passing very closely to Captain Unohana, with Nemu at his heels. “So we’re clear.” 

Even Captain Unohana was glaring over her shoulder at the doorway. The Captain of Division Four never lost her placidity. At least I’d never witnessed such a thing. Her gentle gaze met mine. She slipped something into my hand. “Captain Kurotsuchi has labored almost nonstop since I brought her in here. Yes, I am aware, before you speak, he serves his morbid curiosity alone, but his expertise is warranted at the moment.” She inclined her head to my hand. “I did, however, engage his predecessor’s expertise as well. He’s more than just keeping her body safe.” 

Opening my hand revealed another but smaller vial of blood. I closed my eyes again as I stood. Opening them made me look once more at the unconscious body of the one I loved. She was right. I would not give up. Could not give up. Even though I couldn’t promise Ciani verbally in that moment I did so with my head and heart. A rúnsearc, her term for me in her language, beloved, she’d managed to say first. No, I would not yield until I could touch and hold her again. And now I’d been given something to do. Return to Urahara Shoten.


	3. Processing

2\. 

“You know,” the nasally chipper voice began, “I told you could use the place not break it.” 

I completed my kata and sheathed Zabimaru. Okay so maybe we’d moved a few boulders and carved out some new patterns in the rocks. Zabi was more restless than I was about this situation. No one had ever asked if she had a zanpaukto contained in that broadsword much less what her shikai (cogar do rúin sa dorchadas/ whisper your secrets in the dark) and bankai (ní mór do gach titim chun an t-amhrán merrow/all must fall to the siren’s song) could maybe do. But I – we – Zabi and I, knew. Oh yes, she had a zanpakuto (ainneonach heagraí /unwilling collaborator) and it was beautiful, terrible, exceptional and impossible but so very, very subtle. Why she and I both survived her screaming at the Gotei even though it was justified. Hers may never surface again so mine was desiring action also. Zabi had never been concerned before and that was beyond unsettling. Zabi actually missed Ainne (though she really had no name ours was not a universal custom). We both needed the release. 

Not a hair out of place under the hat, as I turned to face him. That ridiculous ever present striped hat. I wanted to knock it off his head but wasn’t sure it would come off. He was staring at me trying to read my expression. 

“Then give me something to do,” I demanded. I hadn’t tried to keep the anger and desperation from my voice. We were alone. I didn’t need to hide or pretend. He’d seen me when I carried her body in. Calm and rational at the time I was not. 

“I wish I could. I can’t make the tests go any faster.” 

He produced a towel from thin air and tossed it at me. I covered my face with it and after wiping off the hours of sweat and dust and sighed into it simply to prevent screaming. “Surely there’s something? Some clue about what this is?” 

“Oh, I know exactly what it is. “ 

He continued to hold my gaze but nothing in his expression was hopeful. There was never a straight answer from Kisuke Urhahara and I knew this would not be an exception. The hours in his awkward, I didn’t even know what to call this place, hideout? (because who is able to keep an expansive cavern hidden under a back alley shoten) had allowed me to regain some focus. I’d spent far too long with my emotions clouding over everything and solving nothing. To not lean on my own proficiencies would be a disappointment to myself and her. Though every fiber of my being wanted to grab him and shake the answer out of him I stood there just waiting.

“It’s poison,” he stated simply. “What I don’t know is what from. Go get cleaned up and eat. Ururu said she left something for you, then we can talk.” 

Bathing shouldn’t feel that good. Especially not bathing alone. Washing off the sweat and dirt I realized just how comfortable I’d become bathing with her. I sighed and swallowed the image that flashed through my mind. The soft, strong fingers that could wring such pleasuring pain down my back, fingers that had been reduced to... NO! Damnit! I must remain focused and controlled. Poison. Poisons had antidotes, antitoxins. But they only worked within a certain period of time before reversing them was impossible. Some information was better than none. Discover what is was, give some to Urahara for making a cure then it would be my turn. Slowly. Brutally. Hours. Even days if that’s what it took and I’d revel in it. Whatever it was would learn new definitions of pain. 

Washed and fed I stood in Urahara’s lab and he was no more forthcoming than before, despite his saying ‘we can talk.’ He had hints and ideas about what could have envenomated her but he wouldn’t speak to them at all. He was always like this. It was beyond frustrating. Unlike Kurosaki, I knew why. An authority’s concept of danger, of over concern of reckless or impulsive behavior. Contradictory being as this was the man who’d forced a bankai out of Ichigo to accomplish a reckless and impulsive task, despite, in hindsight, it being necessary. I wasn’t Kurosaki and just because I’d been sent to watch him and to make sure he kept a lid on everything didn’t mean I was anything like him. I was Academy trained. I was Vice Captain of Division Six under Byakuya Kuchiki. I was not a raw youth like Kurosaki and the others. Still, he would still only say what he wanted to say. It was as ridiculous as the man’s hat but I knew saying anything would most likely be futile. I decided to press the issue anyway. The threads holding my patience together unraveled days ago. 

“So you know it’s poison. Surely, you have more of an idea than that?” I demanded. How could he not? He'd had days to examine her body. And hours to study her blood.

He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. He inclined his head toward me just slightly. “Well Vice-Captain Abarai tell me what you know about Luighseach’s condition.” 

I glared at him. I’d already told him everything I knew! He knew what her body looked like. He’d treated her wounds and studied her for days. I related every nauseating detail I’d gathered in the seireitei. She was dying! And he wanted to play mind games. He stood waiting patiently. I forced myself to shove away my emotional responses and think. What did I know? For the first time her body had separated from her soul and her soul was dying from poison. She was now as one of us. What could envenomate a Shinigami to the point of dying? A poisoned weapon? Possible but unlikely unless it was an assassination attempt. Same unlikely possibility for just outright poisoning. And in both those circumstances her whole being, her body would be poisoned but it was only wounded. One thing remained, absurd as it seemed. 

“You’re telling me a Hollow did this to her?” I asked not really wanting the answer. 

“I’m telling you I think a Hollow did this,” he replied. His tone changed. The chipper indifference was gone. “One like I’ve never encountered before. That – concerns me.” 

He was serious. Even under that damn hat I could see the furrow of his brow. “Now what? She’s dying! I knew that the moment I saw Kurotsuchi. Captain Unohana didn’t have to tell me she was desperate. I need something!” 

“Without knowing what Captain Kurotsuchi has administered any efforts of mine….”

“Dammit Urahara! Which one of the two of you do you think I would actually entrust her life to? Why do you think I brought and left her with you?!” 

Urahara blinked in surprise at that but it was brief. He pulled the hat off with one hand and ran the other through his hair. “I’ll take that as a compliment. What I can give you it won’t heal won’t reverse the toxin. What it will do is buy us all some time.” 

I nodded. How could I decline? What wouldn’t I do? I would not let her die like this. 

I’d told myself not to but found myself in the room where she lay. Silent, and I’d have said peaceful if I was unaware of her condition. I knelt beside her. All but one of the wounds were superficial and even the one on her right forearm wasn’t going to leave much of a scar. The bruises would fade. I hesitated for a moment then let my fingers brush her cheek and run slowly through a section of her hair. I knew there wouldn’t be but the lack of any response was chilling. A body was biochemical autonomic function. The soul is what gave it life! I inhaled deeply and held it as I bent to kiss her forehead. I released the breath slowly as I stood. “We’ll fix this. I promise,” I whispered as I left the room.

Soon after, I stood in front of a senkaimon (what else was this man concealing under the building?) that really shouldn’t exist, with a small bottle in my hands. He’d tied a slip of paper to it and instructed me to give it only to Unohana. It comforted me somehow to know Urahara had little trust for Kurotsuchi as well, despite or perhaps because of their history, what little of it I’d learned.  


I was going to need to sleep after this trip. One too many excursions in and out of the seireitei. Beating up Urahara’s rocks, my worry, and the pressure of multiple passes through senkaimon I was nearing exhaustion. I could feel it. Complete this task first. Then I had to take care of myself. She’d scolded me about that more than once. I could hear her voice in my head clearly as if she stood next to me speaking. Reminding me always the only manner I could properly care for and protect others was by caring for myself first. It seemed contradictory but when she said it, it made perfect sense. 

I was only slightly bewildered to discover myself in Urahara’s other playcave. I still had no other name. While the one here was actually in the rock, its more than striking resemblance, I'd have said identical, to the one in Karakura was beyond suspicious. Even though Gotei knew about his senkaimon having me appear in the open would have raised more questions and caused me even more delay. I was hoping to be closer. Once this mystery was solved and Ciani healed, I decided I was going to have a very long chat with Kisuke Urahara. 

Venturing back to Division Four seemed overly fatiguing. My assessment was correct and after this passage I had to recharge. I pushed myself past them in combat but I knew my limits. I wouldn’t let myself become useless. Fortunately, Captain Unohana was waiting for me as I approached. 

She nodded as I handed over the bottle. In a startling but welcome gesture her hand held mine before I could release it. “We will solve this. She is incredibly strong.” 

I bowed to her as she released my hand. I debated briefly but knew I couldn’t sleep anywhere I could actually have Ciani’s scent in my awareness and I wasn’t sure I could make it to Inuzuri. Maybe tomorrow. I stalked off to my barracks and room. I fell fully clothed into bed and allowed sleep to consume me.


	4. Lectures and Understandings

3.  
I woke and found myself unable to move. I quickly discovered I was completely tangled and trapped in my Shihakushō from sleeping so restlessly. I jumped up flailing trying to shake myself free. When I was able to stand still and the fabric fallen back into place I realized at any other moment this might have been comical. Right now it was just one more thing to be angry at myself about. I shouldn’t have fallen asleep in it. I considered just shaking the crinkles out but given what I decided to do first this morning that would not do. Going disheveled into his presence was just not done. I changed quickly and headed to my first destination with my waraji hooked over a finger. 

The closer I came, and even though I knew he would be, I could sense him in his office. I inhaled a long breath and released it slowly. Time to still some waters. I lowered myself to one knee before tapping lightly on the door frame. “Taichou,” I said gently. 

“Yes?” came the voice from inside.

I slid the door open slightly, not that he needed to see that it was me, and waited. It was never very long but always seemed like hours. Being his fukutaichou was just – exhausting – sometimes. 

“You may enter,” he said not looking up from his writing. 

I stood, walked through, then slid the door closed again. I stood to the side of his desk, still waiting. The flawless ease of his calligraphy was always astounding. Even when I had to, I had no patience for writing. It got done because it had to be done. But not Byakuya. Everything done to exact perfection or not at all. 

He completed a final stroke and looked up at me. “What is it, Abarai?” 

I’d silently practiced what I intended to say while I was changing clothes. Had it ready to the word. I opened my mouth and none of that is what flowed out. I apologized for completely ignoring my original assignment of keeping an eye on Kurosaki. I thanked him for bringing no reprimand for that. I apologized and thanked him for the time I had spent with locating and trying to assist Ciani. When I finally realized I’d been rambling I clamped my mouth shut in mid-sentence. 

By that time, He’d stood from his desk and had somewhat aimlessly wandered the room with his hands clasped behind his back, watching me the whole time. “You understand your responsibilities and duties well, Abarai. While there have been odd circumstances that have arisen of late, you have given no reason to doubt that about you.” 

I shifted my stance back to being mostly ‘at attention.’ Words like this did not come with any ease or frequency from him. 

“But,” he continued facing me directly, “that duty and responsibility come first. Should it be necessary you know what that means.” 

I closed my eyes and nodded. Yes, of course I knew. It meant I would have to leave Ciani to Kurotsuchi and Urahara and hope, then dismiss her plight entirely. I thought of how I’d been behaving since she’d gone missing. If something had happened with Kurosaki while I was in Karakura with Ciani I would not have been focused. I would have been a detriment rather than an asset. 

“Yes, I know,” I responded noting how sour my voice sounded speaking those words. 

He moved towards one of the bookcases. “You’re dismissed, Vice-Captain.” 

I moved away from his desk and back to the door. I slid it open slowly and took another long, deep breath before stepping through. Definitely time to re-center myself. Before I had the door closed something remarkable happened. 

“Renji,” came his voice quietly across the room. My head snapped around at the use of my familiar name. I could estimate the total number of times he’d done so. I looked in through the remaining space. He had his back to me and gripped one of the shelves. The knuckles of his sword hand going white. “I understand.” 

My eyes shot open at the simple admission. I said nothing and closed the door leaving him. Of course he understood. Hisana. Perhaps that’s what his silence had meant all along. I left my palm on the door frame wondering, but decided if he wanted to say more he would have. There was nothing more I could say that wouldn’t make this moment move from awkward to creepy. 

I did what I could to keep my mind still and blank as I put on my waraji and walked over to Squad Eleven’s training room. I had to do something with this tension and Captain Kuchiki was correct, as usual. I’d been fortunate circumstances allowed me to give so much attention to Ciani’s condition, but that could change at any moment. Men and a woman far more capable than I were overseeing her and attempting to treat her. 

Many noises were escaping as I approached the building. I figured I could enter fairly unnoticed. Zaraki sat at the head of the room and looked like his eyes were closed. He was ignoring nothing. He was aware of each and every move in the room and would step to correct any errors in whatever manner he saw fit. Ikakku saw me immediately even though I was hugging the wall. His mouth curled up at both ends in a combination smile and sneer. The change in his demeanor caught Yumichika’s attention whose eyes just glimmered at the possibility. They were always good for hours. I needed today to be no different. As I moved closer to the two of them I saw Zaraki’s eyes open. He stood up, forced his way through the others sparring, and stalked toward me. Interesting. Not what I’d expected but not unwelcome. 

He stood directly in front of me. Somehow I managed to constantly forget just how tall the bastard was. I refused to feel diminutive and did not look up at his face. He inclined his head just slightly over his right shoulder. “Clear out!” he bellowed. “You too!” he added when he noticed his lieutenants hadn’t moved. The room emptied quickly. My hand slipped comfortably onto Zabi’s hilt and I planted my feet on the floor.

Instead of raising his blade, he turned away from me. “No,” he said walking back toward the head of the room. “Not my squad. Not today.” 

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Zaraki Kenpachi saying ‘no’ to a fight? Any fight? This was some crazy ass tactic. It had to be. I drew Zabimaru and in the sheer instant I was releasing I felt myself flying across the room. I fell flat on my ass, my whole face and head an explosion of pain. I looked up and found him in a stance facing toward me lowering his arm with his blade pointed at the floor. He fucking sucker punched me with the combined force of his fist and sword hilt. I wiped blood from my face with the back of my hand. 

“Are you deaf or just stupid?” he asked looking right at me. “I said no.” 

I found several retorts coming to mind. I chose not to speak any of them because he returned to where he'd sat when I first entered the room. This was, odd. I decided knowing what the man was doing was more important than trading useless insults. I stood up, re-sealed and sheathed Zabimaru. I stepped a little closer to him but not too close in case this really was some crazy ass tactic to distract me. 

“Look at you,” he said as he twisted the tip of his blade on the floor. “I knew you were coming the moment you stepped out of Kuchiki’s office. It’s like the day I met Kurosaki. Pathetic” 

I made a derisive sound and glared at him. I couldn’t argue. That was part of the point Byakuya was making. Zaraki was just much more crude and blunt. 

“You come in here telling everyone it’s because you want to get stronger and you’ve let one defeat weaken you this much! As you are you’re not worthy to face anyone in my squad.” 

That was all I could take. “Dammit Zaraki you don’t…” I was cut off by him being right up in my face again. 

“I don’t what, understand? Is that your excuse?” he demanded. 

Unexpectedly he grabbed the folds of my Shihakushō lifted me off the floor and threw me across the room again. I jumped back up to my feet. My hand moved to Zabi’s hilt yet again. Once more, however, he was faster and I felt my legs kicked out from under me. What the hell?  


“Have I made my point yet, Abarai?” he asked as he stared down at me. “I can keep this up for as long as it takes to beat it into you and you can’t get back up again.” He paused a moment as I stood back up. “You already failed once. What use will you be to anyone laying in a room where she’s being kept?! I can feel her dying, can you?” 

I was about to say something when his words hit my brain. He really just said that. Fuck, who didn’t know what was going on? And why did he care? Oh yeah. I’d brought her here. He’d seen her in action. He didn’t let anyone incapable in here. While her zanpakuto wasn’t exactly combat based like most of ours it didn’t mean she wasn’t trained and able to hold her own in a fight. He was right. Completely and utterly correct in his assessment. I didn’t know how to bring myself back into being. I thought some time exchanging blows would work, but I’d have made serious mistakes. With my reiatsu basically leaking like a wound how could I properly sense and anticipate anyone else’s? How could I face Squad Eleven, my own squad, Byakyua or even myself again, Vice-Captain of Squad Six having his ass handed to him sparring? 

“Yes, I can,” I whispered in response. 

“That’s your battle, then. Your enemy. And yet you chose to hide in here.” He turned his back to me again. “Consider this a mission, Abarai, because you’re not to come back here until it’s done!” 

I stood silently a moment then headed to the door. I was suddenly so overwhelmed by reiryoku, I felt my whole body shudder. There was a weight on my back and I was about to respond when a voice sounded way too loud next to my left ear. “You can fix it Renny!” Yachiru almost screamed. “You get Cici better okay? She promised me more stories!” She kissed my cheek and vanished. This was the strangest time I’d ever had on the Eleventh Division grounds, that I'd just been barred from. I now understood why the Old Man did not appreciate strangers in the seireitei. They screwed things up.


	5. Discoveries

4.  
Yes, what was killing her was my enemy, but I had no idea how to face or defeat it. Captain Unohana couldn’t just heal it away. Captain Kurotsuchi and even Kisuke Urahara were stumped. What could I possibly do they had not? I briefly thought about going to see her, but there was no point. If my reiatsu was all over the place now that would only make it worse. I did not need to see again what the poison was doing to her. That image would never disappear from my memory. 

Think, Renji, dammit! Kisuke believed it was a Hollow’s poison that had done this. I had to use that as a foundation. We’d found nothing in Karakura after I retrieved her body. Not even residual reiryoku. There’s no way the attack happened there. There would have been something. Captain Unohana said they’d found Ciani behind the sanctuary she’d created in Inuzuri, and that the residents were upset by her condition so secluding Ciani would have happened quickly. Her condition was dire and accelerating. Had anyone returned to investigate? I should have asked. I did not want to, as everything about it was her, and while I could when I was with her, facing Rukon again was never easy for me, I needed to go to the sanctuary. There would be people with questions I did not want to hear and I could not answer. But the possibility any of my questions could be answered there was enough to face them. 

Still needing to burn off tension I decided to use flash step the whole way. Yes, it would tire me but no more than the hours I’d intended to spend in Division Eleven. Perhaps then I could keep my mind on one thing, finding and destroying my enemy. 

When I arrived I was taken by surprise. The large inviting building was wide open. Music trickled out the door and windows and children were playing happily out front. The garden was being peacefully tended. Even in her absence. The sad faces and questions I thought I’d face weren’t present. I was greeted with smiles and a few nods. At least in one niche of the Rukongai she’d accomplished what she intended. The fear I’d barely managed while she screamed at the rest of the Gotei had seen its pay off. My chest swelled and tears, that I fought back fiercely, welled in my eyes. Exactly what she had wanted. 

Not wanting to interrupt any ongoing activities I chose to enter through the rear door. It was closest to the stairs that led to the loft she kept as her personal quarters. I walked up them slowly. I was almost at the top when I felt very unfamiliar reiryoku. My hand instinctively fell to and wrapped around Zabi’s hilt. As I crested the last step I found there was no need for concern. A fairly short, dark haired individual in a Shihakushō was sweeping the floor and occasionally stopping to dust a shelf of her personal items and books.  


I don’t know if he sensed or heard me but he stopped as I stepped fully into her rooms, and turned to face me. “Oh! Vice-Captain Abarai. I… I wasn’t expecting you.” 

A kind, familiar face comforted me immensely. I was not pleasantly anticipating being in this space alone. The items in the room and the way it felt that just made it her would have been difficult enough, but the memories of the time I’d spent here with her would have overwhelmed me. Being alone with my thoughts again was counterproductive. “I wasn’t expecting to be here myself, Hanataro. Why are you?” 

“Oh! Well Captain Unohana assigned me here right after she brought Miss Ciani into Division Four. Is She any better, Miss Ciani? I can see by your eyes she isn’t. I’m sorry I asked. Please forgive me Vice-Captain.” He bowed at the waist. 

The slight smile wouldn’t leave my face. “It’s okay Hanataro. We’re quite a distance from your Squad, so even if there had been you wouldn't have known, but no there’s been no change. Captain Unohana assigned you, huh?” 

He slowly looked back up at me. “Oh yes! She called me in while she had Vice-Captain Kotetsu still getting Miss Ciani settled. She told me it was a very important assignment and to do my very best at it. Which I have been! I was her connection in the relief squad, Captain Unohana asked for me then too, for bringing supplies and things out here. So I was eager to help. I saw right away what Miss Ciani had been doing and was able to step right in. Well, with a little help from a few others from my Division. I make sure to clean Miss Ciani’s room each and every day so she doesn’t have to worry about that when she gets back.” 

How could so much positivity and drive be in so tiny a person? I remembered what Ichigo had told me about him but it seemed Kurosaki had failed to impart quite a bit. There was no mistaking, however, why Ichigo had called him a friend. 

“I am sure she will appreciate that when she does get back,” I told him. “In fact, that’s why I am here. Actually you can help me.” His eyes lit up with that statement. “Captain Unohana told me they found Ciani behind the sanctuary here.”

“Yes, she told me the same thing.” 

“Okay. Two questions then. Do you know exactly where they found her? And did anyone come back to investigate what happened?” 

“Uhhmm I don’t know about any kind of investigation, but yes Captain Unohana told me exactly where Miss Ciani was found.” 

I sighed in relief. Please, please let there be something. Anything! 

He led me out of the building and several hundred kanejaku behind it. The closer we went the more pungent the smell of rot and decay became. We stopped at a small gate of a cedar fence that was maybe to my knee high. There were rows of piles of fresh soil near the gate and farther I looked the piles were more just lumpy and seemed to be moving. There was a pebbled pathway splitting the area in half. Hanataro kept walking. We stopped at the back fence and all the horrid scents of my childhood came over me at once. There were two long bamboo cages, sitting on the same type of pebbles as the pathway, holding massive piles of waste. If I hadn’t been concentrating on ignoring the smell I would have been heartbroken. She’d been found in the garbage. 

“She was back here Vice-Captain Abarai,” he said with a sad nervousness in his voice. “Though I don’t know why. Her notes have the composting area on a very strict schedule for turning and moving the worms, and no one should have been in here until next week.” 

I knew why. She considered even in an instant, keeping others safe. Especially with a hollow. She would have taunted it and then engaged where she felt she had control. “Where exactly?” 

“Captain Unohana said in the corner right next to that first stage bin,” he replied pointed to the cage on the left. 

“And no one has been in here? You’re sure?”

“I can’t be totally sure, no, but not much time passed between when Miss Ciani was found and taken to Division Four. Everyone was so worried when I returned there were so many at the doors here and asking me questions I just couldn’t answer. It was a little scary really. But I explained to them Miss Ciani was in the best of possible hands and Division Four was giving her their full attention that seemed to calm and quiet everyone. I suggested that we, together, keep things exactly how Miss Ciani wanted so when she got back she could rest and heal completely.” 

“Hanataro, I surely hope Captain Unohana knows just how lucky she is. Being as she’s the one who sent you, she must.” 

He gave me a wide eyed expression of shock which just made me smile at him again. I promised at that moment I would never allow another chide toward Division Four go without reprimand in Division Six again. I knew Unohana had exhausted every means available before daring to ask Kurotsuchi in. But to assign one of her own out here to keep Ciani’s dream and hope alive - I would never find the proper words to thank her. 

I looked carefully at the corner and noticed a few of the cedar planks were out of place, but not broken or separated from the frame work just misaligned. Ciani’s foot perhaps? That would mean her head would have been close to the cage. I squatted down and yes there was an indention in the pebbles. After so many days the stones settled and it wasn’t as deep as it would have been but it was there. But nothing unexpected. I sighed. Nothing. 

I was about to stand up, when something caught my eye. The cedar planks directly behind the cage right where the pebbles touched it had been scratched. Not gouged but just enough to mark the wood. I’d asked Ciani once about the markings etched into her blade. She told me it was the first writing of her people. Ogham, was the word. It was already a crude script, so it took me longer than I’d have liked to read given how poorly the marks were made. But it said one word. ‘Under.’ She was on her back being attacked by a Hollow even Kisuke couldn’t identify. Under could only mean one thing. I sighed again.

“Hanataro, what exactly is in this cage?” 

“Gardening refuse, what few food scraps we have out here, waraji beyond repair …you know the basic materials for composting.” 

“But you’d be able to recognize anything unusual? Like something that shouldn’t be in it?” 

“Uhm sure, but why do you ask?” 

I showed him the marks on the fence and explained. He seemed as thrilled to have to dig through the pile as I was. Which wasn’t at all. Fortunately, there was a sort of hinge on the cage that allowed the front panel to be removed. The pile collapsed towards us, spilling out over the pebbles and the walk path. I should have left the other Shihakushō on. 

“You really don’t have to do any of this Vice-Captain Abarai,” he said uneasily. “This is one of our, my Division’s jobs. Moving the garbage, cleaning the sewers. I can handle it.” 

I smiled again. I wanted to hug him. “I appreciate the offer, but there’s two of us so the search will go faster. And I know Ciani. What I hope we find, will most likely be unpleasant.” 

“And what would that be?” 

“A chopped off piece of a Hollow.” 

He actually gulped audibly. I started digging through the rubbish and Hanataro did too. Since she’d scrawled the word under I was sure we needed to focus on the items still in the cage. Having no idea how big or small a thing I was looking for once I got close to the things actually on the ground I started being more careful about picking things up and moving them. I would never forgive myself if I missed the crucial thing that would unlock the puzzle. I had no idea how much time passed, but as long as I heard no complaint, and I never did, I wasn’t stopping for anything.

I heard a gasp and turned my head. Hanataro was frozen and staring down. “Oh! Oh my!” he exclaimed. 

I took a few steps over so I could see what he was gaping at. My body slumped with relief. “Go get something to wrap this up in!” I nearly shouted. He nodded and took off at a full run even over the mess we made. 

I couldn’t identify what sort of body part it was. With some of the damn things it was impossible to tell. It was a chunk of flesh about the length of my forearm but the width of my thigh. This is what we’d been looking for. The skin was red and covered with nasty jagged black marks. Exactly how Ciani had looked but the colors on her were paler, muted. I had what I needed. She wouldn’t die. 

Hanataro returned faster than I expected with a plain piece of cloth. That would do. I bundled the chunk into the fabric and held it tight. 

“I hate to ask but keep looking anyway,” I asked of him. “In case she left more. And if you do bring it straight to Unohana and tell no one!” 

He simply nodded. I leapt into the air and with all my will moved as fast as I could back to Division Four.


	6. Remote Possibilities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abarai gets one step closer to solving the puzzle

5.  
The entire area around Four was calm and quiet. No one was to be seen. I was fairly certain I could remember how to reach the room where Captain Unohana had taken me. By the time I reached the door I felt myself full of fear and anger again. I honestly did not want to gaze upon her in that state. I closed my eyes took and released a very long deep breath and entered the room. She was still on the table unconscious but she was covered entirely in a shell of cocoon-like yellowish, viscous goo. I panicked instantly and tried to move to her but was held fast. I didn’t bother to see who it was before I started yelling.

“What the hell did he do to her?!” I shouted while trying to free myself. I did not want Kurotsuchi touching Ciani ever again. Surely this was his doing and why had such a thing been allowed?

When I managed to jerk away I noticed I was being stopped by Vice-Captain Kotetsu. I glared at her and tried to walk around her. That was when Captain Unohana appeared standing in between the two of us and where Ciani lay. My heated glare moved to Unohana but only for a moment. I forced myself to regain composure as quickly as possible. I bowed and asked them both to forgive my outburst.

“It wasn’t Captain Kurotsuchi,” she explained. “This is the result of what you were asked to bring to me.”

What? What had Urahara told me to bring in here? How could this possibly be helping? After thinking them I found myself asking those exact questions. I was told the substance was preserving Ciani in her current state. As he had said it wasn’t a cure but it was preventing the poison from advancing. I had to stop making assumptions. Especially ones driven by my intense emotion. I sighed again and remembered why I had come. I did not rise from my bow and asked for forgiveness once more. She simply nodded understanding. I knew that was all the response she would give and I stood up slowly. 

“I think I’ve – we’ve – Hanataro and I, found something that will help,” I said pulling out the cloth. 

I explained to both of them what I’d been doing all day, and what we’d found. I also thanked Captain Unohana for assigning Hanataro to Ciani’s sanctuary, as well as expressing just how easily he’d taken over and how amazingly well he was doing. As I expected she was pleased to hear it but stated it was simply the right and proper thing to do trying her best to refuse any thanks for what she had decided was simply another of Squad Four’s tasks. I knew not to continue and returned the conversation to the object we’d discovered. 

She studied it for only a few moments before speaking, “It’s been more than a week and there’s no degradation of this flesh at all. I realize we do not know much about them, but surely even for a Hollow, especially with where you found this, that must be unusual?” 

I couldn’t answer. I knew what I felt I needed to know about them, and that was to destroy them and set the tormented soul within free. What they really were exactly? Why they were so different from one another? That wasn’t anything I concerned myself with. Such tasks were for people like Kurotsuchi and Urahara. At that moment Unohana asked Isane to send a message to Kurotsuchi asking him to return to Ciani’s room. I should have known not to invoke his name in any way. I still did not want him touching her again and I had to question. I did have the thought to do it calmly this time. 

“Captain Unohana, I brought this here so you would know there had been progress and so I could be allowed passage through the Senkaimon again. To take what I’d found to Urahara. Why must you bring him back here? Having him near her...” I trailed off.

“Vice-Captain Abarai I do understand. I assure you. It was one of the conditions of his cooperation – unfettered access to all stages of her malady, treatment and if so death. I must abide by that agreement.”

Her death? Of course that twisted sonofabitch would have asked for that. His cooperation. It wouldn’t have been needed if I had kept her safe. Honestly I couldn’t even recall what I _**had**_ been doing. I did know, rationally none of this had been my fault. She was at the sanctuary and I’d seen it had become and remain exactly what she’d intended. I couldn’t have possibly expected any sort of attack upon her out there. And certainly not this. I faced her, wishing once more this was just some hideous nightmare. One condition of his cooperation Unohana had said. One condition? That meant others? What had been promised? I had to know before he returned.

“I don’t understand. What do you mean ‘one condition?’ What exactly was his assistance lured by?” I’m sure I failed keeping the angry edge off my tone. 

“It was not I who made the agreement. Captain Kurotsuchi made it with Luighseach herself. I wasn’t present when the exchange occurred.” 

I sucked in a breath and barely suppressed a growl. Dammit Ciani what did you _**do**_?! Kurotsuchi had become fascinated with her the moment she wasn’t expelled from the seireitei and he discovered just how different, no unique, she was from the rest of us. She’d taken his questions in stride, almost cheerfully so, but never giving him full satisfactory answers either. She’d become interested in him too, his ‘unyielding curiosity’ she called it. I’d not taken her seriously when she told me she’d been spending time in Division Twelve and learning his secrets. I assumed she’d said it only because she knew it riled me up. Clearly she had meant exactly what she said. Mayuri. She called him Mayuri in front of me. When had it become Mayuri? Right under my damn nose. I did not think this situation could make me any more uncomfortable and discovered I was very wrong. I paced the small area a few times and stopped and knelt next to the table. I allowed my head to sink to the edge of the shikibuton. 

I felt Unonhana’s hand on my shoulder. How weak I must seem that she felt the need to give me so much reassurance in so short a span of time. “I am expecting you to pass through the senkaimon again,” she sated. “I was never told how to remove this substance from her only how to apply it.” 

Something touched my hand. It was the cloth Hanataro had found. And within was a slice of the thing’s flesh. I hesitantly tucked it into my shihakushō. As before, I wanted so desperately to touch her to convey in some manner that I was doing all I could to help and get her healed and whole once more. It was at that moment a high raspy voice I had no desire to hear sounded.

“I see the hand of the meddlesome Urahara,” he stated looking at Ciani. “I assume that’s not why I was interrupted? Just to have someone gloat in his stead?” 

I rose slowly and thrust the large piece of flesh into his hands. He verily nearly fumbled but held it steady with ease barely a second later. He glared at me a moment and I held his gaze hard waiting, silently begging, for him to say or do anything. 

“And just where were you fortunate enough to find this?” he asked. He was already examining the surface. 

I recounted to him the entire events of what led me back out to the Rukongai and each detail of where and how Hanataro and I had come across it. 

“Was there more?” 

“No. This is all we found. And she had hidden it rather well. Only someone who knew that language, Ogham, and Ciani would have had any idea where to look and what she meant.” 

“So she left it for you to find then? How fascinating.” 

Until he said it and I gave thought to my own words for some reason that had not occurred to me. She had hidden it. The clue she left was left only for me. This whole situation kept becoming more rather than less puzzling. 

“Shouldn’t you be doing something with that?” I demanded. “Why are you still standing here – Captain - Kurotsuchi?” I did not want him to think I’d neglected his honorific. 

He made an odd hmmph sort of noise and turned to leave. He stopped just outside the doorway, but did not turn back toward me. “You will realize, one day, you did not want this so rushed, and seeing her like that is truly not the worst thing you can imagine.” He strode away too quickly for me to question what he meant. 

“Please Captain, I _**beg**_ you, please keep him away from her?” I pleaded as I turned to face her. 

She was quiet a moment before answering. “He will be occupied with that sample for quite some time, so he’ll have no reason. Then, as I told you I was told how to apply that to her not how to remove it or remove her from it. Those instructions were not included.” 

So no matter what I found I would have to return to the world of the living, Karakura, Urahara’s shoten and Ciani’s empty shell. He’d known. As always. Fortunately, I had found something. Something he could examine and give us all some answers. Finally, I had reason to hope instead of despair. 

Vice-Captain Kotetsu returned not long after that and spoke very softly to Captain Unohana. She said a few words herself which Isane nodded at then left the room again. 

“Your passage has been approved,” she stated. “You should go quickly.” 

I agreed. I gave one lingering glance to Ciani before I headed back out toward the senkaimon. One more time and then, then I’d finally have something. Get her healing and then I’d hunt the thing that did this. I would hunt it and obliterate it.


	7. Methods From the Past

I think I would have been more surprised had Urahara _not_ been standing waiting as I passed through the gateway into the underground expanse. Somewhat out of the ordinary his hat was on the back of his head and his eyes were clearly visible. But, like always, his eyes spoke volumes on knowledge I couldn’t guess at. I knew I didn’t need to tell him what I was about to but he was going to require it voiced anyhow. So I took the cloth out and handed it to him as I explained just what I’d been doing since leaving him the last time. I withheld no detail including my reaction to the cocoon Ciani was in. He stood listening intently never interrupting me. When I was done he simply gave a slight nod. 

“So just what exactly did you have Captain Unohana put on her anyway?” I had to ask. “I was sure Kurotsuchi had done something else.” 

Urahara’s mouth curled up on one side and his teeth began to show. “Impressive huh?” he stated simply. “It’s refined, purified, concentrated reishi from the dangai.”

I just stood there blinking. How in the hell had he managed to do that? I decided I didn’t want to know. What I did want to know was what the purpose was. I remained still waiting for his response. 

“Well as you know the dangai exists between dimensions, so there’s a significant time differentiation,” he continued. “Encasing her in it essentially stopped the passage of time for her. Remember I told you what I could supply wouldn’t heal her but give us time.” 

He’d been literal and was trying to make a joke of some kind. Time. In the dangai there was no time. The man was completely unbalanced. No wonder he was in love with a cat. 

He turned away from me headed toward the towering ladder on the cave wall. “Feel free to use the space again.” He paused a moment to look at me over his shoulder. The expression on his face turned serious. “I have a feeling this is going to take quite some time.” 

I sighed and nodded in response. Since my expulsion from Division Eleven I still had an expanse of bottled emotion and tension I needed to discharge. I drew Zabimaru and immediately called him into shikai, and without hesitance flung him out in bankai. His roar was like an embrace, and I answered him back in full measure. 

Hours, maybe even a day later, after I’d eaten and washed off the sweat, dirt and blood, I found Urahara in his lab. He was busy moving between a screen and the microscope and furiously scribbling on paper. I knew he was aware of me but I leaned on the doorway waiting and watching so I wouldn’t interrupt. He sat back in a chair hard, sighed, and looked up at me. His expression was grave. I forced myself to swallow the rising surge of panic and waited for an explanation. 

“It's worse than I anticipated,” he stated. “I assumed, like when most hollows infect, she was being hollowfied.” He paused to see if I understood. I assumed he felt I did because he continued quickly. “I’ve dealt with that before, stabilizing and even reversing hollowfication. But this. Its replicating at a rate, well I’ll spare you the calculation, far faster than I’ve encountered. And it’s not just hollowfying her. It’s replacing itself within her. To be perfectly blunt, it’s turning her into a replica – remaking itself anew using her as building material. I’ve never seen a hollow do that.” 

“Wait! You said it was poison!” I demanded. Again I didn’t try to mask the desperation in my voice. I shook my head to fight off the tears I felt welling. “But you can stop it, right? You can fix this?!” I stared at him pleading with my eyes because I knew I couldn’t speak another word. 

He was quiet for a terrifyingly long time before he answered. “Hollowfication _ **is**_ a form of poisoning. There is a possibility yes. It’s something I did well over a decade ago. But I’ve only done it once and those circumstances were quite different.” 

“Is it the only thing we’ve got?” I had to know. 

“She’s fought this the whole way. Lasted far longer than, I have to be honest, I would have thought possible. Strength not unlike mmmaa – maybe it will work this time too. There is a very significant obstacle though. You’re going to have to bring her here.”

“But you already told me that would most likely kill her?! That’s why we hadn’t done so.” 

“I know. Since she’s encased in the reishi she’s as stable as possible. It’s transporting her that has me concerned. The strain of passage most likely would give the hollowfication the final push it needs to consume her. So we’re going to need something. Something I don’t have.” 

I glared at him. Fucking mind games again! What the hell did he mean? Either there was a chance to save her or there wasn’t. “What? What is it?! Haven’t I already shown you I’ll do _**ANYTHING**_? Whatever it is whatever you need I’ll get it! I’ll do it!” 

He met my eyes fully and I nearly recoiled from the intensity and the unexpected wave of reiatsu that accompanied it. “The device we need is in the possession of Captain Kurotsuchi.”

“FUCK!” I shouted. I should have guessed. Of course that’s who had it. I growled and quickly regained control of my emotions. “Fine!” 

Urahara hadn’t lowered his gaze. “He’s going to fight about it. He’s going to argue. Do not let him bait you, whatever you do. When he seems as though he’s about to forcibly remove you from R&D tell him I gave this to you for the exchange.” 

Kisuke didn’t move from his chair but held something out to me. It was a convex, pale blue, oval stone that when I held it was roughly the size of half my palm. It felt strangely cold and warm all at once. “What...” I began to ask. 

Urahara held his hand up to me and shook his head. “Just go to him explain what we need to do and why. He’ll know what I sent you for. It is imperative, Abarai, that you do not let him anger you. Keep your goal in mind and nothing else. Understood?” 

“No not really, but what choice do I have?” 

“I’ll have things ready when you bring her back. Tessai will meet you to assist. I’d see you out but I still have work to do.” 

I wandered back through the shoten. I was compelled to see her again. This time I just stood at the doorway. I sighed then continued down into the cave. I was sure, at this point, no other Shinigami had passed through senkaimon this often. I wondered haphazardly if there was some sort of record. 

As if Urahara had known all along what was going to be required the passageway opened where it was supposed to. I wasted no time rushing to Division 12 and insisting upon seeing Captain Kurotsuchi. That, alone seemed an odd enough request that gaining access to just the buildings' interior took longer than I wanted. Fortunately, it gave me the time to keep playing Urharara’s words in my head about not letting Kurotsuchi’s acerbic manner provoke me. Ciani had referred to him by his familiar name and no one took any exception to it. That meant she had been in Division Twelve longer than I might have imagined earlier, and long enough to find something in that twisted hull of a man to befriend without his refusal. That thought made me shudder. 

“Vice-Captain Abarai,” a voice snapped, “I am rather occupied trying to save a life of great importance to you. What requires another interruption to that?” 

I swallowed about five different sentences, including one about him being a devious sneak, and calmly explained what Urahara had discovered. His sudden appearance had startled me but I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that. 

“Yes, yes! I’d already arrived at that same result! You’re wasting my time – and hers! Not that it matters really. When she dies I’ll be able to discern completely the means behind this transformation.”

Like hell you will you will you sick twisted fuck! You won’t lay another hand on her. You won’t even speak her name again! I kept my breathing even as I shouted all these things at him from the silence of my mind. Not going to play your games. Not this time. 

I took a deep breath and continued. Explaining that Urahara said there was a device that could ensure safe passage back to the shoten. 

“Absolutely not!” Kurotsuchi almost squeaked. “Isn’t even man enough to make the request himself! I have no reason whatsoever to allow any of my equipment into his hands. You were sent on a fool’s errand Vice-Captain, but given the fool who sent you and the one that arrived…”

I clenched my teeth to prevent so much as a sound being released and simply kept breathing. Slow, steady, one breath at a time. 

“Besides why would I relinquish what potentially will be the best experimental subject I’ve had in quite some time? Give up that prize when she promised herself to me? I think not.”

Torture. Kisuke had not mentioned the man was going to flat out try to torture me. Though it wasn’t unexpected. Nothing in my whole ragged existence had cut me like that sentence. Promised herself! To him! 

“Those are the parameters of our arrangement, she and I. I do what I can to assist in exchange for all she’s already given me, which has been so very satisfying I assure you, with the promise of her remains when she dies. There’s nothing you can possibly offer Vice-Captain to gain my cooperation. Go. I am still in the middle of crucial experiments.” 

I refused to move. You are going to do this. You are going to do what you promised and help her dammit! 

“I can and will have you removed compulsorily,” he said as he turned to stalk away. “I am not sure what sort of reaction that will garner from Captain Kuchiki.” 

“Actually, you will do exactly what I have asked.” I stated flatly. 

Faster than I imagined possible for what should have been an encumbrance of fabric, he was right next to me his face not even an inch from mine. “Oh!? That’s what you think is it?” 

I gently hopped back from him and I saw his hand too easily on the hilt of his zanpakuto. I let the stone slip into my hand and I held it between my thumb and forefinger, raising my arm so he could have a clear view. “Urahara said to give this to you in exchange.” 

His expression changed so fast it was hard to keep up. Wonderment, anger, resignation. He stared at me a very long time and I honestly thought he was going to continue to resist. That Kisuke had actually been wrong. Instead, he snatched the stone from my hand. 

“Go wait for me in Division Four! Tell Unohana what’s going on.” He spun on his heels and left me standing there. 

It took what little control I had remaining to not shout. Instead I used that energy to haul ass to Four and Ciani’s side. Once there, I conveyed to Captain Unohana as quickly as I could what was happening. She seemed displeased but agreed. I couldn’t fault her. I was barely keeping my fear in check. Urahara had been clear all those days ago. Moving her meant her death. His intervention and whatever Kurotsuchi was bringing would help but I had no assurances at all. 

When he and Nemu arrived they had a long cylinder made of metal and glass. We were instructed to put Ciani inside and take the contraption to and through the senkaimon. Once she lay inside he closed it sealing her within and pushed a few buttons near the clear panel where I could see her face. It seemed to me his hand lingered on that panel for the briefest moment and his eyes closed. A genuine moment of concern? They snapped open staring at me when he realized I was watching him. He offered no further assistance or instruction and stalked off. Captain Unohana, Vice-Captain Kotetsu and I moved carefully through Division Four and back out to the senkaimon. Such an unusual sight drew many more stares than any of my solo trips had. 

As the gateway opened I thanked them both for everything they’d done. My hands were shaking as I gently pushed the cylinder through. Keeping it and myself steady was one of the most difficult things I’d done. I actually collapsed to the ground panting as we arrived in the shoten’s cavern. Now I knew why Urahara said he’d have Tessai waiting. There’s no way I could have moved her further. I struggled to stand on my own. Tessai tucked the cylinder under his arm like a sack and headed to the ladder. Weakly, almost stumbling, I followed. Time for Urahara to make good on his word.


	8. Layers

7.  
Tessai took the device with its precious contents to the room where her body was and set it next to her. Disturbed wasn’t even close to what I was feeling, seeing double yet at the same time not. Kisuke wandered in silently, checked the square where the buttons were, and looked in on her. “Good,” he stated. His tone was actually positive. "She’s still perfectly stable. This is exactly what I wanted.” He turned and faced me. “Now we need to work on you.” 

I cocked an eyebrow at him. “What do you mean?” 

“Look at you. You can’t be feeling any better than you look. No offense. You have to be rested and ready. She’s going to need a shingami vice-captain at the least.” 

I flinched. At least a vice-captain? Terrific. 

“I didn’t say that to insult you Abarai,” he said by way of apology. “I need you at your best. She needs you better than your best. If you hadn’t found the way to your bankai we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. You just wouldn’t be capable. This is the space I was letting you use before. Do you want another?” 

I shook my head. “No. I’ll stay with her. I’ll be fine.” 

“Drink this,” He said handing me a small cup. “You’ll sleep and rest without worry of what your mind might churn up for you.” 

I nodded, slammed it down and handed him the cup back. “Thanks.” 

He left the room just as silently as he’d entered. I gazed at her within her double containment in the device for a few moments. I sighed heavily and lay down next to her body. She wasn’t dead so it was still warm. While not comforting it was at least familiar. I let my head share the pillow and closed my eyes. Whatever Kisuke had in mind I would see done. I would make good on my promise to her and fix this. Sleep came faster than it had in a very long time. 

When I opened my eyes my head felt ridiculously heavy. Even my body seemed slow to respond. What the hell had Urahara given me? I turned my head and discovered to my abject horror I was alone. Where had she gone?! What now?! What had the man done to me? What had he done with Ciani? I sat straight up and once I had not only did I discover I was alone; I wasn’t even in the same room. I wasn’t even in the shoten! I was sitting up under a willow tree leaned against its trunk in a very small patch of grass and I could hear the sound of water. 

I was about to start shouting for him when I was frozen into complete stillness. The awareness of reiryoku so familiar and different from any other washed over me. How? He said it was going to take time and difficulty for her to recover and then only after some lengthy process or procedure. But this was strong and unwavering, not the weak and failing sensation from the seireitei. This was how she felt alive and well. My heart started pounding. What was happening? 

I stood and walked around the tree. Just a few feet in front of me she knelt in fairly marshy ground with a small pool nearby, tending to a few flowering plants I did not immediately recognize. The flowers faintly purple and puffy with strangely squared stems. The longer I watched, I recalled she’d mentioned it as being one of her favorite spring wildflowers mismín mionsach. A flower which was native only to her lands. I caught a whiff of the minty scent she told me they had. Impossible! I closed my eyes tight, drew in a very slow, nearly painful, breath and shook my head. No, no Renji! You’re dreaming! Whatever Urahara gave you didn’t work. It did the exact opposite and dredged up exactly what I did not want to be dreaming about. 

My eyes opened slowly when she started singing. Calm, clear and full of passion as her voice always was when she sang, especially when doing so in her native tongue. It seemed so long since I heard her voice my entire body thrilled at the sound. I’d never felt like this in a dream before. So real. Too real. It took effort but I forced my feet to move a few steps toward her, my legs quivering as if they may fail. Her voice trailed off and I saw her torso inflate with a long breath. She stood and turned to face me. I couldn’t remember her looking more beautiful. I stood looking at the face I had last seen before the attack. No black jagged streaks. No red tinged skin. Her hair glowed like copper set on fire as it settled across her chest and down her back. Her amber eyes clear and bright staring right at me. 

“Abarai!” she almost shouted. 

It was just my name, but the emotion she managed to convey instantly brought forth a couple of the tears I’d suppressed for so long. There was surprise in her voice certainly, but such love and strangely relief. I had words on my lips when I suddenly felt her head slam into my chest and her arms wrap around my back. I stood still for a moment savouring her scent, her warmth, when my arms almost on their own wrapped around her waist and lifted her up. Our lips met instantly and I wanted to drink in all of her. Her hand moved to the side of my face trying to deepen the kiss. I didn’t want to stop. I didn’t want this to end. But I had to know what was happening. For while this felt so very, very right, in the back of my mind I knew something was still very, very wrong. Slowly breaking the kiss, I let her slip back down to the ground. I ran my hand across her head and down the hair upon her back. I tried to speak but I could only look at her. 

Suddenly the ground shook and she screamed grabbing the sides of her head obviously in pain. “No! No! Nonononono!” she wailed. She looked me in the eyes. “You can’t be here! I wasn’t prepared. I cannot keep you…” Her voice trailed off and she was gone. Everything in front of me was gone. 

I found myself now in a landscape drab and dusty. Not altogether unlike Kisuke’s cavern but as if a shadow had covered it all in black and grey. And it was empty. Everywhere I looked there was just nothing, and yet I knew there was something there. I could feel it watching me. Just then the ground shook again. My hand sank to Zabi’s hilt but I let it rest there. No reason to draw just yet. 

“MMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNN. I smmmmmeeeellllll – SOUL REAPER!” a harsh, cutting, guttural voice spoke, horrible, distorted and warped. “And thanks to my gracious host, recognize. Renji Abarai, Vice-Captain Division Six, of the Gotei Thirteen Court Guard Squads.” The voice laughed then, even more cutting than its speaking voice. “You’re far too late. In fact, your presence assures the last impediment to my goal will be removed.” 

I wanted to scream at it. I definitely wanted to attack it. But I didn’t know where or what it was. Also, without wanting to, I remembered Kisuke’s words again; ‘She needs you better than your best.’ No more losing control. Observe, learn and plan Renji. You’d seen her vibrant and alive again. That meant Urahara was correct there was a chance. And I would bet my life on that chance if it meant protecting and healing her. No reckless or impulsive moves. No more! 

“That’s one hell of a boast from something too cowardly to show itself,” I said earnestly. Of course I had no idea what I was facing but I wasn’t going to be intimidated by air. 

Out of the nothingness a shape became solid, and what formed in front of me became the source of nightmares. Because it was Ciani but not. Not even how she appeared in seireitei was so horrible. Flesh totally that hideous red hue marked all over with those jagged black streaks. It continued forming and growing until it was roughly my height. The mask crept out of the mass of flesh and began to settle as it formed into a caricature of her face that nauseated me even though it was also marred with the jagged streaking and eyes so red they were almost glowing. The hole formed off center precisely where her heart would be. Urahara said it was trying to remake itself from Ciani but what stood in front of me was the exact opposite. It was making a replica of Ciani from itself. 

It must have thought assuming a form close to hers would give me pause, make me hesitate in attacking. That was a serious error. It had done this to her. It had hurt her. It had nearly taken her life. It had caused me to act in ways I’d never considered myself capable of given my training. I’d waited and wished for this moment for weeks. Finally, it stood before me and I would exact my vengeance. A cut, a wound, an exacting of pain for each of the marks it had left upon her. I closed my eyes, breathed deeply and slowly released Zabimaru into the action he too had awaited. It was time. 

The cutting laugh came once more, but this time was more similar to Ciani’s voice. “Oh, my darling Abarai. Why have you come?” it asked. Again the voice a gross attempt at mimicking hers. “This is futile. She is mine!” 

“NEVER!” I screamed in response and flung Zabi toward the creature. 

Part of me had been hoping it would, after all this was not going to end quickly as I’d promised a slow painful demise, but was still somewhat surprised at how strong it blocked. Like with everything else about it what it held in its hand was a pitted almost serrated abomination of Ainne. The most disturbing thing was the sensation I felt when the blades met. There was a difference from when I sparred with Ciani but the similarity was chilling. That still wasn’t going to stop me. It could be a mirror image and I would still know the difference. I would still destroy it. 

I continued to press and it continued to block. Its movements while similar to Ciani, were stiff and almost forced. Though it held the weapon in its right hand as Ciani would it kept fronting with its left foot. That would put it off balance. Then it wasn’t really watching me. It was countering to be sure, but it just didn’t seem fully focused. I decided to use that advantage and extended Zabi into shikai. The segments began to move forward as I wanted them to encase the thing and constrict just enough to exact small but many wound across is entire form before withdrawing and doing it again. That was my intent. It was rational and logical. 

The creature watched the segments extend and before anything else could happen it spoke, but not to me. “You don’t want to do that,” it said to Zabimaru, following each segment more closely. “That’s not really the command he gave you.” 

I clenched my teeth having to hear its mockery of her voice again. And that’s when I felt it. A tiny, oh so slight shudder. Zabimaru hesitated. The shudder became stronger. Zabi reset itself into the ripper blade. What the hell? Then I noticed what I should have the moment the thing spoke, like when Ciani was wielding the actual Ainne what had once been solid was now barely visible feather-like haze. That wasn’t possible. Zanpakuto could not be duplicated. But it had activated shikai that was also mimicking Ainne. Zabi and I had encountered Ainne’s abilities in both shikai and bankai. We both knew, so I thought, how to counter it by remaining focused upon each moment of the battle. Ciani’s will and quick wit was the one advantage she had when we sparred as Ainne was not combat based as was mine. It was only through clever wording that she had any effect upon Zabimaru anymore at all. But this thing, this fucking Hollow, had just forced him back into base release state using Ciani’s zanpakuto abilities. 

“What’s the matter, love?” it asked me. “Thought you had me figured out? You’re most assuredly _**not**_ the brains in this relationship are you? I already told you, your presence here simply assures me the success of completing my goal. Anything you hope to achieve is pointless.”

“I will obliterate you and take her back with me!” 

It laughed again, much harder and longer than before. Still cutting and contemptuous I could hear genuine amusement as well. “Back? Back to where? Oh no?! Don’t tell me? No! I can see it in your eyes. You have no idea where you are.” The laughing continued.

I cleared my head of all thoughts but hurting this thing and called forth Zabimaru again. This time we hit our mark as the thing shrieked in pain and anger as Zabimari cut open three horizontal wounds across the thing’s back. See? You will hurt! You will bleed! You will suffer for what you have done. Before it had time to respond I roared Zabimari fully to life calling him into bankai. This time encircling it worked. Each segment held it in place constricting the bone spurs into it. It would be so easy to end it and have it squeezed into nothing but that was too quick, too easy. I’d promised myself I would enjoy this. 

It grimaced in pain glaring at me. “You’re a fool, Renji Abarai.” 

“You think so? When I have you caught and your existence is in my hands?” I had the segments tighten, the bone dug in even deeper. 

“You have me caught, perhaps. But I am not who you are wounding. You have no understanding of this situation nor this exchange. And you have finally provided me the means to shatter the resistance she’s provided for so very long.”


	9. The Yearning Combat

8.  
Everything around me shimmered and we were suddenly back at the willow tree and spring. Ciani was on her knees speaking with a very shaky voice what I remembered was one of Division Four’s healing kido. Her clothing was torn and covered in blood as there were three horizontal wounds across her back and several others across her body oozing into the fabric.  


“What the hell kind of trick is this?!” I demanded of the creature and had Zabimaru constrict even tighter. As the bone spurs moved in deeper the hollow winced. But at that very same moment Ciani’s voice stopped and she screamed. More blood became visible upon her clothing, and her head sank to the ground. She was still breathing but it was labored. I immediately had Zabi withdraw and settle about me waiting for the next attack. 

“It’s not a trick, my lovely, lovely Abarai,” it replied. “You’re simply out of your depth. As usual.” 

I started to move toward Ciani and it stepped in between the two of us. “You had your moment. Your opening. You should have taken it.” It looked around quickly assessing everything. “Hmmmm. I understand. Of course you would shield yourself here. Shame your beloved broke the seal, and was in such a rush to defend your honor.” It looked over its shoulder at me and winked. 

I sneered back at it. At the same moment I had Zabimaru slither toward Ciani, just close enough to be a barrier between them. It hissed at me and then did something unexpected and seemingly ridiculous. It lunged at one of the flowers and ripped it violently from the ground. Ciani screamed again and this time collapsed fully on the ground. 

“Silly girl!” It shouted. “Why would you do something so preposterous?” 

It tried to reach for another flower but I was ready and had Zabi clamp down onto its arm. It growled and hissed and started bashing Zabi’s skull with its sword but I wasn’t letting go. When that effort yielded no results it turned toward me again. It spoke the words that sent Ainne into shikai but added more to it, which Ciani had never done. “An fhuaim cráifeacht próstatach.” I had no idea what that meant. If I’d had time I could have pieced it together. As expected the blade began to dissipate as it turned into a feather shaped wave. It continued vibrating until I could no longer see it. Even if it had given another command even in bankai it was not going to work. When I’d sent Zabimaru from me again there was but one command - keep Ciani safe. 

Suddenly, I felt dizzy and disoriented. What had been a firm stance faltered. I looked at the creature’s face and its expression was triumphant. I blinked many times but the ground felt as though it were shifting, and again my focus broke. Zabimaru released the creature’s arm. With a painful shriek it came at me and fortunately I had enough will to have Zabi block it once more. It spoke the words once more and I felt as though the ground was tilting and I was about to fall off. My concentration failed and I had no choice but to recall Zabimaru. Forced once again into sword work I tried desperately to dodge and block but with the loss of my equilibrium I was failing. The first several wounds I was able to ignore. It was when I totally miscalculated and that hideous imitation came into my right shoulder and twisted. There was no ignoring that. I growled, and Zabimaru fell from my hand into my blood. I could do nothing but stand there as it happened again with my left shoulder. Ciani was already fast but this thing was faster. I managed to sense it moving for another strike and dropped to my knees feebly grasped for Zabimaru. My fingers responded slowly, hesitantly but I was able to make them wrap around his hilt again. I started to stand when all the air was forced from me and I felt a blade sink into my back. Dammit! Hollows didn’t act like this or move like this. Even taking CIani’s appearance this was impossible. What was this thing? I tried to move but couldn’t. Some rescue! Apparently Vice-Captain Shinigami wasn’t enough, Urahara. The blade twisted and I expelled a mouthful of blood along with what air remained in my lungs. 

That infernal laugh sounded. “I want to tell you, before the end, so you can know as you die just how abysmally you failed both yourself and her,and I didn’t even have to use her dara scaoileadh to do it.” 

I felt myself jerked upward and was tossed at, I knew as soon as I made impact, the willow tree. Slumped over and still bleeding I couldn’t raise my head. I groped for Zabimaru and could not feel him at all. 

“You entered a battle having no knowledge or awareness of what you were facing thinking you were saving your love from an adversary. But you weren’t. You have believed all this time you were some place you could snatch her away from. You cannot spirit her away from her own mind, soul reaper.” 

I mustered all the strength I could to look up at the thing. It had shrunk from my height to Ciani’s, and other than the discolored skin and eyes – hell even the mask more resembled her now. I didn’t understand. 

“You still don’t comprehend, so I suppose I must tell you plainly. We’re inside her mind, Shinigami. The last refuge she’s had in her pointless fight with me. She knew immediately and sealed herself away from me, so I went to work on her body. It is what I was designed to do.”

“Urahara – said – replicating self- not replicating her.” I managed to force the words as blood dripped out of my mouth and down my face. 

“And I am. But in here – what is the mind Shinigami? Hmmm, nevermind don’t answer. As long as she exists in here we all play by her rules. She has kept herself shielded in this little corner of her mind all this time. I would have broken through eventually but your insertion into her mind, into this exact place broke her resolve. It was the one moment of weakness I required. Now, with this final segment assimilated. It will be over. There will be nothing left of her and I can become myself again – with the addition of all her abilities and her knowledge including all she knows about both her spéir and your seireitei. It is knowledge that will serve our purpose well. You fought a pointless battle and now you will die in the process.” 

I sighed ever so slightly and prepared myself for a final blow that never landed. Instead, a loud, high-pitched howl pierced the silence. I felt something touch my hand. I turned my head and found Ciani kneeling beside me. “Didn’t I already tell you back in the Seireitei that you will not give up?! What are you doing over here?” 

I cracked a slight smile. “Napping,” I replied. “It was really quiet until just now. What the hell is that noise anyway?” 

Her smile lit up her eyes. “You don’t know half of what you think you do, Abarai.” 

I started to laugh but ended up coughing and choking up more blood. Not the time for jokes, Renji. 

Her hand rested on the top of my head followed quickly by a kiss. “Jackass! You ridiculous, love-struck, stubborn jackass!” 

I heard the tears in her voice but all I could do was lay there. Her voice began the healing chant again. When I was able to roll over and really look at her she stopped. She looked tired and sad but there was, as always, the fierce determination behind her eyes. 

“What the hell were you thinking coming in here?” she demanded. “There had to be some other way.” 

“I didn’t.” I quickly explained to her everything that happened since I found her body back in Karakura. And that the last thing I remembered was falling asleep next to her body and awakening propped against the tree trunk.

She sighed heavily. “Gah! Kisuke fucking Urahara! I cannot believe you blindly accepted and drank something he handed you just because he told you to! Gods’ teeth!” She looked me dead in the eyes and the intensity of her gaze made me want to melt into the grass. “We do not have time right now, but both you and he have many a word to hear from me! There’s only so much I could do in healing you. This kido thing is new to me and I only have what little reishi is left in the flowers while the barrier is active.” 

I stared at her not understanding. She quickly explained to me an aspect of Ainne she’d not told me of before. It was purely defensive. She could release Ainne in either state and focus the sound into a barrier, a shield of sorts, with that howling, and right now Ainne was in bankai. A technique she’d never needed to use against me or anyone else since we’d only ever been sparring and she was never in any sincere danger. 

“Do you have enough strength to manifest Zabi? I need him for a moment. Then we’ll have one chance, one shot for getting this goddamn parasitic shit out of my head.” 

I nodded. I closed my eyes and concentrated. Ciani had done the same. The strange, wispy somewhat female form Ainne took simply stared at him. “Understood.” He said then vanished. 

I looked at her waiting for an explanation that never came. “So now what?” 

“So you stand your ass up, get that nightmare’s attention and both you and Zabi have to hold enough strength and focus for Hikotsu Taiho.” 

“What about you?” 

“Don’t worry about me. Just do this! Promise me. Don’t argue. Don’t hesitate. Promise me you will do this. Once the barrier is gone this is the only opportunity we will have. The shield used up the reishi from the flowers. This is all I have left.” 

I grabbed her hands and held them. “I promise. I promised days ago I would fix this. If this is how I have to do it then this is what I will do.” 

She stood up, our fingers still entwined and I stood with her. She handed me Zabimaru and held Ainne in her right hand. She spoke Ainne awake as Zabimaru was already altering his shape. I felt the increase of reiatsu and immediately knew what she intended. She had told me Ainne’s influence over other zanpakuto spirits could be used as a supplement to a combat wielder. And this is what she was doing. As she did so the barrier that had kept the monstrosity at bay dissipated and vanished. It had become enraged in those moments, once again in the larger form it had fought me in. I called Zabimaru into bankai and flung him at the creature. It thought it was going to dodge but once more I felt the added reiatsu and had to assume Ciani had done the same with her bankai and layered it on mine. There would be no stopping or blocking now. I planted my feet firmly as the energy flowed out along Zabimaru’s segments and out of his jaws. What I felt and what I saw was unlike any of the few times I’d used this. It was far more intense, the colour deep as blood, and almost double in size as the sphere began to form. 

I looked at Ciani out of the corner of my eye. She’d gone deathly pale and she spoke a command to Ainne which I knew was almost fully fused with Zabimaru. “Réabadh ag mo forléasadh!” she shouted. I tried to understand, tried to force my mind to translate the words but at that very moment the sphere was released. It hit its target with ease. What had been that disgusting mockery of the one I loved exploded and vanished. It was done! 

“Ciani, you were right that was amazing! We…” I trailed off as I turned around and found her collapsed at my feet. 

I fell to my knees beside her cradling her head in my lap. Tears were already forming. Her skin was turning from white to a pasty gray. She’d said to not worry about her. Not to split my focus from my attack. What had she done? ‘Réabadh ag mo forléasadh’ I forced my brain to translate what she said. Then it hit me. “NO! You said you wanted that thing out of your head! You told me not to give up! Why?! Why would you do this?! Noooooooooooooooo!” I howled. My head sank to hers then everything went completely black.


	10. To the End

9.  
The moment my eyes popped open I started calling for Ciani. I sat up and discovered myself exactly where I’d been, laying in a room in Urahara’s shoten. She was not lying next to me. I bolted up and noticed the device that had traveled from the seireitei with me was open and empty. “Urahara!” I shouted as loudly as I could. “Where is she?! What have you done to her?!” 

Right as I decided I was going to tear the place apart until I found her, he appeared next to me. It took all of my restraint to not attack him. I’d give him one chance but only one for an explanation. 

“I did exactly what I said I’d do,” was his glib reply as he met and held my gaze.

“Don’t try and hand me that crap! What the hell was all that?! What did you do? Where is she?!” 

“That surely is a lot of questions. Let’s see if I can prioritize them for you. Follow me.” 

I wanted to keep screaming at him but he turned and left the room. I was left with no other choice but to follow. Fortunately, we only moved into the adjoining room. She lay on a very thick futon set in the corner. She was speaking very quietly with Tessai. I nearly collapsed from the release of tension, not only was she alive she was awake. She had several layers of bandages wrapped around her head and across her eyes. I looked at Urahara. I was about to apologize when he simply set his hands upon my shoulders then turned and left the room. Tessai followed immediately after. 

“Took you long enough,” she teased, turning her head toward me. “I didn’t think you were going to wake without assistance.” 

Each step to her seemed to take forever. I flopped down beside her took her in my arms and allowed myself to cry unabashedly as I held her. With that last attack she should be dead. ‘réabadh ag mo forléasadh’ meant ‘torn apart by my demise.’ She had focused all of her reiatsu into that attack. It was like Captain Kuchiki’s senkei. It was a final measure ensuring the defeat of an opponent at the cost of her own life. But somehow she survived. She unbound my hair and stroked my head soothingly until I calmed. It was many moments after that I felt I could let her go. I let her slide out of my arms but kept hold of her hands. 

“I know you have a lot of questions,” she stated. “the first one I can fairly well assume. What’s wrong with my eyes? Nothing really. Putting me back together as it were was a bit more harsh a process than Kisuke thought it would be. Light is just really painful right now. I should be able to remove the bandages in a few days.” 

I moved and slid around behind her sitting against the wall and pulled her into my arms with her head on my chest. I could not make myself let her go. “So I was really battling a hollow inside your head?” 

She giggled a little and nodded. She leaned on me fully as she began her tale. She told me about the attack at the sanctuary. As I thought she’d yanked the thing out back to prevent anyone else being effected. She did surprise me by telling me she had purposefully hidden the, I now knew, arm segment of the thing and left the message for me. She knew she was not only wounded but had been infected by its attack. She knew then she would have to do something drastic. She’d accompanied me to the world of the living, specifically Karakura. She knew about Urahara’s special gateway because like with Kurotsuchi she’d at some point spent just enough time with Urahara to learn more than he’d let any of us know about and that was the destination. She managed to reach the senkaimon unfettered and unnoticed. She wouldn’t tell me how she opened it, because she shouldn’t have been able to, and managed to toss just her body through the passageway. She struggled to get back to the sanctuary, and collapsed behind it where she was found. She was taken to Division Four and managed in solitude to make her arrangement with Kurotsuchi. She told me she’d spent most of her strength in constructing the refuge in her own mind and that’s why the odd hollow had progressed so quickly and thoroughly. She’d retreated waiting for all of us to find a solution. Well Urahara had certainly done that. Apparently at the very moment the creature was blasted away Kisuke was forcing her soul back into her body. With the hollow gone and her body healed she’d managed to awaken before me by hours. So the answer he’d given me about he’d done what he said he’d do was true. 

“So what the hell was that thing anyway?” I asked. 

“I have an idea,” she replied. “But Kisuke and Mayuri are going to have to puzzle it out. Assuming they were both provided with samples? That was the main reason I severed its arm.”

I ground my teeth at the mention of Kurotsuchi’s name coming from her lips. “Yeah I did. How did you know though?” 

She turned in my arms a little and placed her hand on the side of my face. “First, love, stop stressing yourself over Mayuri. He’s really just horribly misunderstood. Then, I suspected from the moment it attacked me, but definitely when its weapon, which was made out of itself, made contact.” 

She raised her right arm toward me. That’s what caused the wound. It had been freshly bandaged. 

“Are you…” 

“It’s fine. Rejoining just made it a little raw again. But I could feel it creeping like insects just under my flesh. I dispatched it quickly after leaving the section in the refuse. It didn’t vanish or decompose because of the nature of the thing. But with the conscious core of it coursing within me all it could do was remain in a static state waiting for you to find it.” 

“I’m sorry that took so long. I was just so upset and angry I hadn’t been able to protect or help you and when all of them together could do nothing…” 

She cut me off by kissing me. I crushed her against me enveloping her in my arms as I drank in the warmth and depth of her kiss. This had been my goal. This is what I’d been fighting for. And for this moment it had all been worth it. It was ages before I let her go again. Even then she was hesitant to move away. 

“I love you Renji Abarai,” she whispered in my ear before she settled down again resting her head upon my chest. I closed my eyes and just held her. 

Unfortunately, that was the moment Urahara chose to reappear in the room. “Sorry to interrupt, but there are multiple messages from the Seireitei. Captains Kuchiki and Unohana want to talk to you, Vice-Captain Abarai, and it seems Captain Kurotsuchi wants his toy back.” He looked at me a moment. “Get all those questions answered?” 

I looked him straight in the eyes. “No, not all of them.” 

He released a chuckle laced with irony. “Well I suppose I’ll have to remedy that. When there aren’t other pressing issues.” 

He turned to leave but was stopped in his tracks by Ciani’s voice. “Kisuke?” 

“What? You’re here. He’s here. This gets booked as a win. Take it.” 

Ciani growled but let him leave the room. I was about to ask her what was going on but then I remembered she said she had reserved a few words for the man. I slithered out from behind her, stood, and pulled her to her feet. 

“Guess it’s time to go back.” I held her hand as I started to move to the door and was met with resistance. I looked at Ciani and she remained perfectly still. Her head was lowered. I became instantly nervous when I thought I saw a slight tremble in her shoulders. “What is it? I’ll let you take that thing back to Kurotsuchi then I won’t even have to see him. Nothing to worry about. While you’re doing that I’ll talk to Byakuya and we can both see Unohana together, okay?” Her hand released mine and full panic rose up in me again. 

“I didn’t want to have this conversation yet,” she said softly. I could tell she was fighting tears from the tremor in her voice. “And don’t think I don’t know that’s precisely why you came in here right now, you smarmy wanker!” she shouted toward the door. “Those messages could have waited!” 

I pulled her into my arms. She tried to pull away but I held her tight. Even when she started kicking and punching at me I wouldn’t let go. It wasn’t even a serious attempt. If she had truly wanted to be away from me should could have been. Eventually she quit fighting and started sobbing. Her tears continued until she was gasping for breaths and she collapsed to her knees. I went with her still holding her having no understanding of this outburst. It took some time but the sobs ceased and her breathing returned to normal. I stroked her hair waiting for her to explain. 

She sighed heavily then yanked the bandages off her head and face and looked up at me. Her eyes were still tinged deeply red. “I hoped to delay this until they were more normal. But sensitivity or no I have to see you while telling you.” 

I swallowed hard. “You’re not as okay as you’ve been saying are you? Your eyes – they’re hardly any different.” 

She nodded. “And that’s not all. I can’t go back to the Seireitei with you.” 

“Okay. I'm still assigned to Karakura. I’ll come here as often as I can until Urahara has this totally dealt with and you’re well enough.”

“Renji.” 

“No! We didn’t go through all this, come this far for nothing! You told me to not give up! And I won’t! Whatever needs to happen - What the hell has all this been for then?!” 

“You know why I was here. I declared that the moment I set foot in the Seireitei.” 

“Yes! You’re here on assignment! So that’s all this has been? All I have been is just part of your job?! Was ‘Mayuri’ part of the job too?!” 

“That is _**not**_ fair! You know better than that!” 

“Do I?!” 

“Abarai! Renji, stop, please. Please, just stop. I’m not saying I can’t go because I don’t want to. I actually cannot pass into that realm again not even through a senkaimon. The complication Kisuke had in fusing all of me together again. I am no longer dia bás, Renji. Not as I was.”

“Then I’ll come with you. You already told me our tasks aren’t really any different.” 

“No you won’t. You have duties and responsibilities, and I will not allow you to shirk them not even for me. How could I face myself if I did? How could I honour the man you are by doing so? Even if I could dismiss all that, they’d kill you on sight. Our tasks are similar but that’s where they end. And finally I’ll be taken into custody the moment I return.”

“What are you talking about? Why would that happen?” 

“Remember what you told me about Rukia? She was on assignment too. They won’t send anyone after me, but I’ve been gone far too long. I couldn’t immediately reverse the senkaimon but Mayuri was working on it. I stayed at first because I was horrified your own mandate was being ignored. Then as I was allowed to remedy that even slightly I got to know Hanataro, Isane, Mayuri everyone just so unique. And you. The moment I stepped out of that gateway and accidentally knocked you down I have loved you. I kept telling myself not to because I knew I would have to return at some point, the problem would be solved by Mayuri or Kisuke. Abject futility and childish denial on my part. The more time I spent with you the more I loved you and just made my denial stronger. But now, I have no choice, no options.”

“There has to be a way! You told me not to give up!” 

She grabbed my face and tears were flowing down her cheeks again. “There is not! And there’s one more thing. The main reason I have to return to the Spéir. We defeated the hollow Renji. We did not destroy it. Réabadh ag mo forléasadh seared with hikotsu taiho blasted it apart but didn’t – couldn’t – kill it. It’s still in here with me, Renji and even as I speak while it will take an exceptionally long time it is re-forming. Our konso, scaoileadh anam, and with help from – with help – I can excise the thing completely, but I can’t do it here. You have to let me go Renji. I’m sorry.” 

I wanted to say something, but there were far too many thoughts flying through my head to stop on any one and vocalize it. I wanted to yell. I wanted to argue. I never once thought there’d be anyone other than Rukia in my heart and here she stood. And yet it didn’t matter. Nothing did. At that moment I felt something inside me turn to ice and shatter. I stood, disengaged myself from her and walked away. I didn’t slow down or stop when I felt her tug on my arm or heard her sobbingly scream my name. I didn’t stop until I was in the cavern underneath the shoten. Kisuke was at the gate and had it open. I stepped through without a word. 

The senkaimon opened and I was grateful there was no one waiting. Kurotsuchi’s device was on the ground and I left it there. If he wanted it, he could come get it. I couldn’t go to Division Four, she had spent too much time there and there was no way I could speak peacefully to Captain Unohana. I sighed ironically as I realized the one place I had to go – my division and to the man who understood the depth of crushing loss – my captain. 

I was almost there when I heard a voice calling my name. Hanataro. I slowed down but did not stop. 

“Vice-Captain Abarai!” he shouted. He nearly stumbled trying to reverse direction and walk with me. “I’m so glad I saw you. You told me to keep looking for something strange when you left, so I did. And I did! Find something that is. I was just on my way to give this to Captain Unohana, just like you asked me to.” 

Hanataro handed me a glass jar. Inside was a misshapen beetle. It was whitish in color with jagged black stripes across the carapace.


	11. Intermission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a brief explanation and background for Ciani Luighseach and Tiarrh Síochánta. I did as best I could using google translate to take the Japanese terms from Bleach and shift them to Irish equivalents. I have included a glossary of both the Irish and Japanese terms. 
> 
> The chapters from here until the end are all from Ciani's point of view rather than Renji's.
> 
> Like Tite Kubo drew from Japanese, Spanish/Mexican, and German culture and lore I will be doing the same with Irish.

{Chapters here until the end are from Ciani's point of view} 

As most human cultures, the Irish do have myths about the being{s} who escorted souls to the afterlife. {from Wikipedia} In Ireland there was a creature known as a dullahan, whose head would be tucked under his or her arm {dullahans were not one, but an entire species}, and the head was said to have large eyes and a smile that could reach the head's ears. The dullahan would ride a black horse or a carriage pulled by black horses, and stop at the house of someone about to die, and call their name, and immediately the person would die. The dullahan did not like being watched, and it was believed that if a dullahan knew someone was watching them, they would lash that person's eyes with their whip, which was made from a spine; or they would toss a basin of blood on the person, which was a sign that the person was next to die. 

In wanting to keep to Kubo's overall theme I chose to not really use this and instead translated 'death god,' which is what shinigami translates to in English, directly to Irish. I also wanted to keep a loose idea of organisation within and made similar but by no means exact depictions of this 'soul society'.

Glossary  
A rúnsearc – beloved  
An Roghnaithe – the chosen   
Anam – soul/spirit   
Athshocrú agus a oscailt – reset and open   
Athsholáthair – replacement/to replace   
Batadóireacht – stick fighting   
Ceannasaí – commander   
chéad eisiúint – first release {shikai}   
Cnáimhseach – midwife   
Comhairle – council   
Coraíocht – wrestling   
Críochnaithe – finished  
Cúigiú Aicme – fifth order   
dara scaoileadh – second release {bankai}   
Dhíghlasáil – unlock   
dia bás – death god {Shinigami}   
Chéad Aicme – first order   
Dornálaíocht – boxing   
Doro – street/road   
Éadaí oíche – night clothes/pajamas/nightgown  
Ealaíona comhraic – martial arts  
Féinchosaint – self defense   
Fomhóraigh- Fomorians are a supernatural race in Irish mythology. They are often portrayed as hostile  
Fuinneamh anam – soul/spirit energy   
Fukutaichou – vice-captain/lieutenant  
Gráscar lámh – hand to hand fighting   
gráscar lámh – Irish martial arts  
Kanejaku – old Japanese unit of measurement   
Leine - original garment of the Gael, translated as shirt as well as tunic   
Luighseach – fire/lamp/torch bearer   
Macushla – darling/sweetheart   
Mo caomhnóir – my guardian   
Naoú Acime – ninth order   
Ogham - an ancient Irish alphabet, consisting of twenty characters formed by parallel strokes on either side of or across a continuous line  
Oifigeach – officer   
Príomh Múinteoir - prime/first teacher   
Reiatsu - is the pressure that a person's reiryoku exerts. ... In general  
Reiryoku - is the amount of energy a being has stored within their body or soul  
Reishi – spirit particle, like atoms – everything in the non-living world is comprised of reishi  
Rófhéinní - supreme hunter-warrior  
Ruadhán – “little red”   
Sail éille - the stick utilized in batadóireacht  
Scaoileadh anam – soul release {konso}   
Shihakushō – complete uniform/outfit of a Gotei shinigami   
Shikibuton - bed cushion   
Spás i idir – the space in between {dangai}   
Speachóireacht – kick fighting   
Spéir – soul society/seireitei – literal translation – sky   
spiorad chomhrac – combat spirit {zanpakuto}   
Tabi - a thick-soled Japanese ankle sock with a separate section for the big toe  
Taichou – captain  
Taisech – chieftain families – nobles/pure born  
Triquetra - a symmetrical triangular ornament of three interlaced arcs used on metalwork and stone crosses  
Triskele - a motif consisting of a triple spiral exhibiting rotational symmetry. The spiral design can be based on interlocking Archimedean spirals, or represent three bent human legs  
Tríú Aicme – third order   
Troid armáílte – armed fighting   
Tuath Dé - "tribe of the gods" - a supernatural race in Irish mythology  
Tugaim go léir de féin chun tú a choinneáil ó dhochar” – I give all of myself to keep you from harm   
Waraji - sandals made from straw rope

About CIanni:

Ciani's Birthplace: Spéir Newgrange, Ireland

Family: She was never told as she was removed from them at birth and taken to be raised and trained by Chéad Aicme {First Order} 

Familial Background: She is a member of, though has never been told which one, one of the rotating Taisech {chieftain families} – there are 15 and every decade a different family assumes leadership of all the Spéir. {their soul society} 

Ciani’s spirit energy {fuinneamh anam} was abnormally high at birth causing the Taisech to remove her from her family and have her raised and trained by the Aicme {the Order}. Nothing spectacular or abnormal happened during her childhood or training until near the end. Because her spiorad chomhrac {combat spirit/zanpakuto} was as unusual as it is she was given specialized training to learn to control and use it optimally. 

The Taisech with a representative of each nine Aicme, An Comhairle {the council} choose one of the Dia bás {death god/Shinigami} to be their Emissary between the Spéir {soul society} and higher/alternative spirit worlds. Ciani was chosen. Her title is a literal translation An Roghnaithe {The Chosen} After a discussion of the Comhairle {the council, because the Spéir {soul society} was effected by the massive crash and ripple of energy when the Sōkyoku was destroyed and Sosuke Aizen fleeing through a garganta, Ciani was dispatched to the seireitei to make contact and investigate. 

Ciani is a dia bás {Irish translation of death god/Shinigami}  
Squad: Chéad Aicme {First Order}  
Seat/title: An Roghnaithe {The Chosen}  
The Spéir – Newgrange Ireland

Zanpakutō/ spiorad chomhrac {combat spirit}: ainneonach heagraí /unwilling collaborator [element is sound] - called ainne in the seireitei for simplicity as it doesn’t really have a name 

 

Sealed: Irish broadsword – does not change appearance when unsheathed – blade remains solid high quality steel. Alters only when shikai and bankai active. 

Shikai /chéad eisiúint {first release}: cogar do rúin sa dorchadas/ whisper your secrets in the dark  
As it’s activated the blade alters into a shape not unlike a feather made of soundwaves. Power is mostly defensive. ainne’s power is to suggest to her combatant Ciani’s wishes rather than their own – strength of suggestion increases when used upon other zanpakuto and similar spirits - like with hypnosis it cannot force an action completely out of character or capability of what she’s focused upon. This is why Ciani has no kido – all that reiatsu is used for this sound based ability. Exceptionally strong willed can break from the influence or flat out resist. 

It can be used with another zanpakuto wielder’s awareness, on that individual’s zanpakuto to boost existing abilities or bring forth suppressed ones. 

Ciani can choose to focus ainne to be a sound wave repellant against many reishi/reiatsu based attacks instead of making a subconscious suggestion toward her opponent. ainne emits a low level hum when used in this manner. 

cogar do rúin sa dorchadas an fhuaim cráifeacht próstatach - whisper your secrets in the dark in prostrate piety - emits a low frequency sound that disorients opponent and disrupts inner ear equilibrium 

Bankai/ dara scaoileadh {second release}: ní mór do gach titim chun an t-amhrán merrow/all must fall to the siren’s song  
When activated the blade alters into a very harsh jagged soundwave shape as it “disintegrates” to become sound. Bankai functions similar to shikai but much stronger. Opponent is overwhelmed with the combined singular desire of Ciani and ainne. Again the suggestion cannot be an action out of character {Like she cannot convince an opponent to kill him/herself} Breaking free once compelled is veritably impossible {think mythological siren} resisting the suggestion equally difficult. Again effect when directed onto a zanpakuto {and similar} spirit is intensified. 

Ciani can choose to focus ainne to be a sound wave “shield” against most but exceptionally powerful reishi/reiatsu based attacks instead of the subconscious suggestion. ainne emits a loud howling screech when used in this manner.

“ní mór do gach titim chun an t-amhrán merrow agus a bheith brúite roimh do naimhde - All must fall to the siren’s song and be crushed before your enemies – a low frequency sound is released that can be focused to damage an opponent’s internal organs. 

endgame/príomhnóta {final}: réabadh ag mo forléasadh - torn apart by my demise – while in bankai/dara scaoileadh this command uses all remaining reiatsu to form a super low frequency sound wave that will cause the opponent to rupture apart causing the demise of the wielder as well

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Name: Tiarrh Síochánta  
Age: 40 ish in appearance about 450 years  
Gender: Male  
Nickname: none  
Alias(es): none  
Birth Date: October 15  
Species: Soul/human  
Occupation: Dia bás  
Squad: Chéad Aicme {First Order}  
Seat: Príomh Múinteoir {Prime Teacher}  
Rank: Rófhéinní {“supreme hunter-warrior” strongest, most powerful, guardian and protector} of the Spéir  
Affiliation: Spéir Newgrange, Ireland 

The Character’s Appearance:  
Appearance: deep green eyes, pale to medium brown barely longer than shoulder length hair which is usually left down but occasionally has a segment on the left side braided and wrapped in leather with a feather and/or bead, mostly triangular face but with a firm strong squared jaw long but proportionate aquiline nose, stays clean shaven most of the time, well but not overly muscled.  
Height: 6’ 6”  
Weight: 225 lbs  
About the Character  
Personality: Tiarrh is very serious and stoic and is very difficult to get to know. He adheres very tightly to Comhairle traditions both compulsory and insinuated. He’s obdurate regarding his duties and responsibilities to the Spéir and the position of An Roghnaithe. He is outwardly polite to most everyone. For his very small circle of close friends they know him to be warm, open and a dry but active sense of humour. He loves Ciani with all of his being {but would have married her bowing to honour and duty even if he had not} but had never been able to fully express this to her as he has difficulty displaying affection outwardly at all and he suppressed most of it when she was named An Roghnaithe and their betrothal was indefinitely delayed. After that he completely focused himself upon training others, honing his own skills and taking extra duties in other areas of the Spéir. 

Fear(s): losing control of himself because of his training and his Spiorad Chomhrac  
Likes: herbology, healing, his time out on the farms  
Dislikes:  
Habit(s): refusing to express is emotions to people  
Flaw(s): relying on older almost obsolete traditions  
Talent(s): gráscar lámh {Irish martial arts} master of all forms but Bataireacht is his specialty  
Through his friendship with Eadbhárd Giolla Bóinn he has learned herbology and much healing lore and has developed a fondness for growing them.  
Likes spending time in the apiary and is proficient in the related skills. 

Reputation: Some see him as cold and aloof but everyone respects him and not just the position he holds nor just his family name  
Love Interest(s): Ciani Luighseach  
Friend(s): Mairead Scáthán {Ciani’s trained replacement} Eighneachan Conchobhair {fighter trainer in Chéad Aicme} Nóirín Cnáimhín {fighter and trainer in Chéad Aicme} Eadbhárd Giolla Bóinn {head of, oldest and most skilled healer in Naoú Acime} Tréasa Ruadháin {member of Naoú Acime representative/go between of the farmers to the Acime who reports to the Comhairle

Soul Society: Renji Abarai {personally knows no others}  
Enemy(ies): none  
Relationship: Betrothed to Ciani 

The Character’s Abilities  
Fighting Style: gráscar lámh {Irish martial arts – is master in all forms}  
Spiorad Chomhrac: laoch gan staonadh {unrelenting warrior}  
Spiorad Chomhrac Element: none – melee based  
Spiorad Chomhrac Appearance(s):  
Sealed: Huge two handed broadsword similar in length and style to a claymore which he carried strapped to his back 

Chéad Eisiúint {first release}: láithriú agus cath in aice liom {appear and battle beside me} A hard leather armoured warrior {full body armor and cap and mask} only slightly taller than Tiarrh himself appears wielding an even longer wider sword with a jagged kris style blade. Fights completely independently from Tiarrh but under Tiarrh’s control. 

Dara Scaoileadh {second release}: sliocht do díoltas as a n-chomhlacht agus anam {exact your revenge from their body and soul} The warrior’s appearace changes – the armour gives way to a bare torso with only leather breeches and boots. A thick mane of black hair hangs down his back with two or three long braids wrapped in leather thongs on each side of his head adorned with feathers and beads. He has red war paint in a harsh nearly diamond shape across the left side of his face. Fights completely independently from Tiarrh. Tiarrh has no overt control and can only make suggestions as he would to another warrior of his station. Laoch gan staonadh will not relent until opponent has surrendered or died. Tiarrh has to use all his strength of will to re-seal laoch gan staonadh from this stage, so it is used only in dire situations. This is why he trained relentlessly to become a master swordsman so he would not have to rely upon the abilities within his spiorad chomhrac.

Spiritual Power: 10/10  
Swordsmanship:10 /10  
Hand-to-Hand Combat: 10/10  
Defense: 10/10  
Offense:10/10  
People Skills:6 /10

The Character’s Familial/Biographical Information  
Birthplace: Spéir Newgrange, Ireland  
Family: Both parents still living and have “retired” to Naoú Acime as advisors to the agricultural division. Both were first fighters and trainers in Chéad Aicme.  
Younger sister, Aisling Síochánta who is exceptionally talented in mathematics and engineering and is one of the top designers/builders in Tríú Aicme. 

Familial Background: Síochánta was one of the first families of the Comhairle and assisted in its formation and organization. This family has always given exceptionally robust fighters to the Chéad Aicme and many have been named Rófhéinní. 

Character Background: Was trained in Chéad Aicme by both his parents. When his Spiorad Chomhrac became apparent his father focused even more upon having Tiarrh master himself rather than awakening laoch gan staonadh. Once he had bested every senior member and teacher it was clear to everyone in Chéad Aicme and the Comhairle the Spéir had a new Rófhéinní. He did not like being given such a title but accepted it with dignity. Feeling he always had to live up to the expectations of the title is why he became so obdurate about the mores of the Spéir. As both her betrothed and bodyguard to An Roghnaithe he did not want Ciani sent alone to the Seireitei. Because of his own position as Rófhéinní the Comhairle refused to allow him passage. He spent the ten months Ciani was absent terrified she had come to harm or died and would still not be allowed to follow. Knowing she found another love in the Seiretei has nearly destroyed him. He had no idea how to deal with the overwhelming onslaught of emotions. This is why he chose to use an ancient ritual to return her to the public presence of the entire Spéir and why he intentionally hurt her both emotionally and physically.


	12. Act 2  Sorrow Within

10.  
I’d managed to get to the opening and the ladder. I was only down two rungs when I saw him pass through the senkaimon. I was too late. I pulled myself back up and into the hallway. I stumbled into the wall. I felt my knees buckle and I slid down to the floor. My tears hadn’t stopped since he pulled away from me. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. None of this was supposed to happen. I should not have strayed. I was to contact them, make an official inquiry for the Comhairle, see if diplomatic exchange was possible then return. But I had done none of those things. I had lingered. I had inserted myself into their mores and management breaking both Spéir and seireitei protocols. I’d made attachments. I’d made questionable decisions and arrangements. I had fallen in love. And now because of one attack all of that was lost forever. I would have to return and face the consequences of both the remnants of this beast within me and for completely disregarding the parameters of my assignment. 

I slammed my head backwards into the wall. Of course that was when Urahara re-appeared. He gazed at me a moment before speaking. “You should have told him.” 

An unfamiliar, but welcome rage surged through me. Before he’d taken two steps my hands wrapped around his ankles and yanked him to the floor. I never left my spiorad chomhrac away from my person. I slid it from my back and I had it drawn and the blade at his throat in an instant. “Like you should have when you gave him those drugs and risked both our lives?!” I demanded of him. 

His eyes darkened as he stared up at me. Almost faster than I could see he rolled out from under me and I felt a foot hit me in the small of my back causing me to tumble. I rolled, pulled out of it and spun to face him again. Looking at him I noticed I was only gazing at his thatch-like hair. His hat lay on the floor where I felled him. 

Neither of us moved as he looked me over. “I don’t think you want to do this,” he stated. “I _**really**_ don’t want to do this. All this effort wasn’t expended just to have to put you back together a second time.” 

I clenched my teeth and tightened my grip on the sword hilt. Actually, I did, but he was correct. I was sure he knew most what my ainneonach heagraí could do and was probably correct in his assumptions from our few conversations. While I wanted to witness his benihme active, and test what ainne could do to and with her, I most likely did not want to face it in his hands in actual combat parameters. Though some of the anger I was feeling was aimed at him the rest of it was all mine. I put my sword away, picked up his hat and tossed it at him. I sighed heavily. 

He made an odd non-committal sound and started to walk down the hall again. I waited until he was a few feet away from me before speaking the words I’d been holding for a very long time. “We need to talk, you and I. Where you running off to hide this time, Merlin?” 

He took one more step then stopped. He looked at me over his shoulder. He tilted his head indicating he wanted me to follow, so I did. He had me sit at his dining table and wait. After a short while he brought out a couple bottles of sake and some food. I didn’t take my eyes off him as he poured the liquid into two cups. I didn’t touch mine until he’d sipped at his. I lifted the cup he put in front of me, nodded at him and drained it. 

“Suspicious are we?” he asked. 

“After what you pulled on Renji?! You’re damn right!” I replied. Not that I’d ever fully trust the man sitting across from me. 

He cracked a slight grin. “Fair enough.” He paused to refill our cups. “There wasn’t time. Once I knew what it was up to and how far it had to have progressed... I used the means I had at the time. It worked, didn’t it?” 

“It was reckless.” 

“We were out of options and he was desperate.” 

I emptied my second cup and sighed. The alcohol slipping into my blood too quickly in my semi-human state had me nearly crying again. Not here. Not in front of him. “I’m sure he was.” All I could see in my mind was the void that grew in an instant between Renji and I. The vacant expression in his eyes as he turned away from me. There had simply been – nothing. It would haunt me forever I was sure. I let my head fall into my hands and rubbed my eyes a little. I could feel a headache starting to build. 

“You should let Ururu replace the bandages. Not sure how wise it is to let it see too much of the world through your eyes. I assume the seal is holding?” 

I sighed again and looked at him. “I’m not sure. Did you _**let**_ me drag you to the floor and hold a blade at your throat? If not, do either of us think I could have dropped you like that – that fast?” 

“Point taken. We’ll have to try something else, then. You’re not ready to travel and it would consume you this time.” 

I glared at him. I knew that. I was unsure when I’d told Renji it was reforming just at what rate that was happening. I’d become emotional. Too emotional and let my active attention on the seal slip, when Tessai already told me what could and most likely would happen if I did that. I’d fed this monster within me exactly what it wanted. Somehow even in its near dissolved state it had overtaken me. How else could I have had any impact on Kisuke Uraraha in his own home much less done what I had? 

I grabbed the sake and poured another cup. “You really don’t know what this is do you?”

He gave me an odd look before having a third cup himself. “Yes and no. It most definitely is a hollow, but it’s been – modified. It is behaving in a manner I have never experienced. It concerns me. It wasn’t just hollowfying you.”

“I know.” I shuddered. I knew fully well what it had been doing to me. I could feel it, see it and hear it. And like when it had taunted Abarai in my head, it had taken no end of glee once it weakened me in doing the same. While it couldn’t reach me it could still communicate even though I purposefully left it one sided. The taunts had only been so I would lead it to me where I’d been able to hide in my own mind. And I would reveal to no one why that had succeeded.

“What it’s been doing, how it’s behaved has kept but one thought in my mind the Fomhóraigh. What you and the others call hollows, especially the evolved ones, are so similar.” 

“Obviously I still have tests running. One of the times I wish Kurotsuchi and I could be collaborating.” 

I laughed. “He wouldn’t cooperate. You’re Mayuri’s only rival.”

He cocked an eyebrow at me. “Mayuri huh?” 

“Not you too?! Yes, during my stay I spent quite a bit of time in Division 12 and got to know Mayuri about as well as anyone can.” 

“Oh really? Then maybe I don’t need him.” 

I laughed again. “No way old man. You’ve messed with me and my brain quite enough thank you. Besides, I do still have to get back. Which, by the way, I have no idea how I am supposed to accomplish. How do plan to pull that off, wizard?” 

He looked at me again. “When it’s time. Don’t worry about it.” 

I decided that was the first thing he’d said that made sense at the time. Don’t worry about it. For a few hours, a sheer moment, to not worry about it. I applied myself fully to that idea and knocked off most of the second bottle of sake by myself and ate some. When it finally felt like the room was tilting I decided to go lay down. Wordlessly Ururu came in and reapplied the bandages across my eyes and I was far too drunk to protest in any way. Besides, Kisuke had most likely instructed her to do it no matter what, which in my state would have ended with me bruised in a few unpleasant locations. I was going to regret drinking this much but right now I just didn’t care. The bandages over my eyes helped block out the light and I was able to sink into sleep. Once the dreams began I realized quite painfully I should have remained awake and sober, but it was far too late. 

The dreams started innocuous enough. Remembrances of my time in the seireitei and then centered upon Renji. One focused upon a sultry night in my loft at the sanctuary. It was a night I’d not expected him and he’d had only one thing on his mind as he’d discarded his shihakushō within seconds of cresting the steps. He had me out of mine seconds after that. His want had consumed him and his kisses were hard and furious. I gasped when his teeth bit into my shoulder, but horror struck when they did not stop. Even when I cried out in pain the wound became deeper until I heard and felt the tearing out of a chunk of my flesh and the blood start pouring down my chest and back. I screamed and moved toward the bed where my spiorad chomhrac rested in a corner. I managed to take it in my hand and fling the sheath across the room. The bite in my right shoulder weakened my grip but I woke her into chéad eisiúint. What stood before me was not my rúnsearc. Its flesh was tinged a pale shade of red with jagged black streaks. It was laughing - a harsh, guttural sound that pierced my ears. Then, it spoke, its voice a distorted, hideous mockery of Renji’s. “Not so simple is it? You’re never getting rid of me. I am in here rooted - a part of your forever.” 

I felt something touch my head and I woke screaming trying to both retreat and smack away whatever it was. I was flattened onto my back and awareness slammed into me like a bucket of cold water. I was still in Urahara’s shoten. I couldn’t move and discovered I was being held down. Next thing I was aware of was my hands were tightly bound. I managed to shake sleep off enough and look around with just my eyes. The paper wall next to me was in tatters and splinters. I could sense eyes on me and I looked up. Urahara knelt next to me and was who was holding me down. There was a wound next to his left eye which was seeping blood down his face. Tessai was nearby and I could tell he was in the process of enacting kido I assumed was intended for me. Last thing I noticed was the fresh bandages that had been placed were gone. What the hell had I done in my sleep? 

Kisuke looked at me a very long time then turned over his shoulder. “Tessai wait,” he stated then returned to gazing at my face. 

I met his gaze and held it trying to read in his own what had happened. Sadly, it revealed nothing. I had to ask. The answer was rather unexpected.

“Well it seems you’re back to yourself. Sorry for binding you but I really couldn’t let that rampage continue. It’s bad for business you know.” 

I laughed like I hadn’t in I couldn’t remember how long. The man was completely unbalanced. But if what I now suspected had happened I couldn’t blame him at all. I was fortunate to be in the presence of the two men who could reasonably handle such a situation. “It was that thing again wasn’t it?” I asked after I managed to quiet my laughter. 

He nodded. “You were asleep for almost two full days. Then this morning when I came to check on you the walls were already on their way down.”

I turned my head from him. “I’m sorry,” was all I could manage to say. I knew it truly had not been my fault but at the same time I had done this to both his home and his person. 

I felt him release my hands and he looked at me again. Then he shook his head. “It could have been worse. Shows you’re still fighting as hard as you have been. I’ve underestimated this thing. You were dreaming of Abarai weren’t you?” 

I nodded, understanding. “It knows my weakest aspects. That’s twice now it’s waited and used those emotions against me and to strengthen itself. I thought what Renji and I accomplished would have caused it to take much longer to be able to do anything. Seems I underestimated it as well.” 

“I was honestly hoping you’d be more recovered when I sent you away, but it seems we have no choice.” 

I felt the tears well then and I couldn’t stop them. “I made a horrible mess of things here – for everyone – myself included.” I looked him in the eyes again. “The really sick irony here? The day this thing attacked me? I was going to tell him I’d decided to stay, if the Gotei would have me, damn the consequences.” 

He closed his eyes for a moment. “Stolen time. Something I know too well. Can you stand? I think I’ve altered the passage enough that you can pass safely through to your Spéir preventing any need for conventional human conveyance.” 

He stood and offered a hand to me which I took and allowed him to mostly pull me to my feet. When I was upright he pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight. I shook my head and pulled away from him. Not now. No comfort, no soothing. This had to be done. It wasn’t going to be easy and I had not lied to Renji. The moment I reappeared in the Spéir I would be apprehended and held until the Comhairle met to hear my words and determine my fate. I looked into Urahara’s eyes and sighed. Best to just get it done. 

We went down into the cavern and I stood in front of the gate as he set it in motion. “Thank you for everything. I know you’ll say I don’t but I owe you my life.”

He formed a sad sort of smile before replying. “Wasn’t just me. I prefer to think it was a team effort.” 

I bowed to him anyway which he returned. I took and released a very deep breath as I stepped forward very slowly. 

“I’ll keep an eye on him,” I heard Urahara say as I passed into the spás i idir, the space in between. I felt my knees shake as the tears came full force. I’d told no one goodbye.


	13. Apprehended

11\. 

My tears were still flowing as I stepped out of the passage. For a moment I was nervous about being seen. I was still not sure if I could be seen by mortals or not. Red -haired woman wearing a shihakushō suddenly appearing at Newgrange would be noted even if I wasn’t apprehended by local police. And me going in and vanishing after activating the portal to the Spéir would be even stranger. I was sure Urahara took into account my altered state of being and would have compensated for time. Last thing I needed was to appear in front of the mound in the middle of the day when tours were ongoing. Fortunately, it was dark. The waxing third quarter moon created a few shadows but not clear visibility. I found myself near the rear kerbstone. I steadied my breathing and closed my eyes to let my other senses absorb information. I could detect no one. I waited just a few minutes to be sure then stepped out from behind the structure. 

I sighed heavily trying to convince my dragging feet I did just need to face the consequences of my decisions. Suddenly I was aware of strong fuinneamh anam. I turned around looking for the source when a blow landed square across the left side of my face. Before I could blink two more landed in roughly the same place. I ducked the foot that almost made contact and grabbed the leg attached to it hooking my left arm around it and slamming my right elbow into the knee. I hopped backward to see my opponent. Another sigh came out when I saw who it was in front of me. Mairead Scáthán, my athsholáthair, was down on her left knee glaring up at me. Sheer seconds after we made eye contact she was up again launching herself at me. I stood perfectly still and allowed her to land each hit she intended. Now that I knew it was her I was not going to fight her not even defensively. I dismissed the pain from each punch and kick. The only response I gave was spitting the mouthful of blood before I gagged or choked. Each bruise and abrasion was more than deserved. 

Out of nowhere the shimmer of a blade moving in a downward swipe separated us. I didn’t turn my head but looked out of the corner of my eye and saw nothing. Mairead backed off a few steps and the anger in her eyes had only grown. I started to take a step forward when, what I had to assume was the same blade, was touching my chest right at my heart. I followed it to the hand wielding it then continued to the face. I released another sigh. Of course. I found myself staring into the spectacular green eyes of the Spéir’s rófhéinní, my master of arms and personal body guard, Tiarrh Síochánta. The man I’d once been betrothed to stared at me with cold eyes. Had they been devoid of emotion I could have kept my internal turmoil at bay. I watched him quickly examine me and because I knew him so well saw sadness, anger and disappointment flash across them before returning to the original cold, hard stare. He shook his head slightly at what I assumed was how unsuitable it was for me to be standing here in a shihakushō, but there wasn’t time for me to return to the sanctuary in Inuzuri. I’d returned to face my peers – my family – in the clothing of a shinigami rather than dia bás. That spoke volumes. I had to seriously fight the urge to vomit. No one else would have been sent to take me into custody and escort me to the Spéir and the Comhairle. The circle of the failure of my assignment completed. 

A cry sounded from behind him as she moved toward me again. His left arm snapped out to hold her back. “That’s enough Mairead,” he said not lowering his eyes from mine. His voice was just as cold and hard as his eyes. She growled and turned away. 

We stared at one another for an exceptional length of time. He finally released an exasperated sound and lowered his sword, but I noted did not sheathe it. I turned my head and spat out another mouthful of blood. Before returning my full attention to him I felt a cloth dabbing at the corner of my mouth. I reached up to take it and my hand met his. The moment my fingers touched his I felt my resolve crack and I actually whimpered as I choked back a sob. Those huge, strong, callused hands that had pushed me through my advanced training, that had comforted me so many times when I’d felt I was going to break. Hands that introduced me to intimate pleasures I once knew nothing about and always urged me to keep exploring. My right hand almost instinctively clutched his wrist and held it tight. He let his arm drop but made no move to remove it from me. Surprisingly, I heard him order Mairead back to the Spéir. She tried arguing with him for a moment but he was insistent and assured her he would accompany me in short order. She wandered into the mound shouting and cursing the whole time. He gently pulled his arm from me and stepped aside so he could replace his sword on his back. Never ceased to amaze me how gracefully he could re-sheathe a full two handed broadsword. It gave me a moment to really look at him for the first time. 

The belt he wore around his leine was the midnight blue one bordered in the same shade of purple as mine was which felt like a stab in the heart. It had been made specifically as an indication of our betrothal which had been postponed indefinitely when I was named An Roghnaithe and because he’d never pressed I assumed it was broken. Why had he chosen it? Was it to simply torture me or as a reminder? He did nothing without purpose and reason. He had not been wearing it when I left. He’d not worn it in a very long time. Throwing darts in little pockets lined the thighs of his leather pants as always. His side laced soft leather black boots were exceptionally clean and the silver buttons with the triskele of the Spéir upon them were polished and shining. I looked up at his face. Not a speck of stubble. His pale pale barely longer than shoulder- length brown hair was clean and groomed. He even had a slight section of it braided and wrapped in a leather strip with feathers and a silver triskele bead hanging from it. So very handsome it nearly hurt. I understood then. He’d dressed not only to impress me but to show me he’d not attached himself to another in my absence. That same heart stabbing sensation filled me. How was I to explain Abarai to him? Unless, and it certainly was a possibility as well, he’d worn it only to stick to ceremony. As rófhéinní and master at arms it would be proper for him to be so dressed to present me to the Aicme, and Comhairle I’d abandoned. Especially if he’d chosen to sever his bonds with me. That had to be it. Surely with as long as I’d been gone there had been others in his bed and heart. 

Two strides brought him back in front of me. His enormous right hand came to my face gripping my chin painfully within his thumb and forefinger. He jerked my head upwards and I had no choice but to meet his gaze. For the tiniest fraction I saw pleading in his eyes, asking me to explain. But then his jaw set and the cold expression returned dimming all the light and life out of his eyes. “I sincerely hope he was worth it!” he spat. He pushed my head back with such force I nearly lost my balance and fell. Before I could speak I felt him bind my hands tightly behind my back and the cloth he’d used to dab at the blood was forced into my mouth and tied behind my head. He yanked my spiorad chomhrac from me. “You should never have returned!” he bellowed as he pushed me toward the entrance. 

I sighed once more and walked on my own. So, it was the latter. He was dressed impeccably to separate himself from me. Distance himself from what I’d allowed myself to become, once his pride and prize and now his shame. I knew now I’d be walked through each of the Aicme as an example to all, and taken to the public meeting place of the Comhairle. Tiarrh always held to ceremony and tradition, the older the better. Bruised, battered, broken hearted and humiliated An Roghnaithe would return to the Spéir a disgrace and a failure. And once they learned of the creature still within me scaoileadh anam would be performed genuinely right before my severed remains were buried with the other outlier in shame rather than set on a pyre and celebrated in honour. 

The walk to the inner chamber seemed to drag on. It was totally black but I could navigate it in my sleep. I silently counted my steps and stopped exactly where I needed to. He was at my side and grasped my left arm in his hand. “Dhíghlasáil,” he stated. A slight shimmering of light shone before us and a stone archway appeared. He roughly pushed me through. 

The Spéir was organized by a huge central roundhouse open to use by everyone where the Comhairle normally conducted business. It flowed outward in concentric circles; the houses and training grounds for the Aicme, and homes for the Taisech which were also open to all the anam. It continued outward with smaller roundhouses to the farms, textile mills, livestock pens and related outbuildings all the way to River Boyne. Unlike the seireitei, which is why I’d taken the entire Gotei to task, it wasn’t only our task to protect the Spéir. It wasn’t just to perform the scaoileadh anam. The anam were in our charge. Those born and raised to the Tiasech were duty bound to care and provide for each and every anam within. Our activities, our decisions, our training, all the operations of the Spéir were done openly, inclusively. It had always been thus. 

The archway opened parallel to the main entrance of the central roundhouse. Of course it would be day here, it had been much closer to dawn at the mound than I thought. Tiarrh still had a firm grip upon my left arm as he began the spectacle of my ultimate ignominy and disgrace. Directly across from the round house was Chéad Aicme where I’d spent most of my life. He escorted me right to the entrance to their main roundhouse and took a few steps back and left me there. I stood silently as I watched heads come together to whisper and random fingers point. It was probably only ten or fifteen minutes but if felt like hours when Tiarrh snagged my arm again and the circuit continued in front of each Aicme main house. As we moved to the ring of the Taisech I could no longer control my tears. Somewhere in this circle of residences and people were the two who were responsible for my being. While I did not know them I was certain they knew me and my shame was overwhelming. The Aicme circle had been easier as they were my trained peers, but here were families with children who would train to be dia bás. Elderly who had not chosen to teach but retire. Fifteen roundhouses of extended families as my dishonor was shown to one and all. 

Many followed as we walked toward the clearing at the river, his hand never releasing me. In all honesty at that point I was using it for comfort. He was solid right now, staid. His presence was keeping me from breaking down entirely and how much worse would that be? To show outwardly I was that weak? That all the time and effort spent on educating and training me had been a complete and utter waste? An Roghnaithe was a treasonous deserter. 

The Comhairle, with the exception of Tiarrh, was already assembled when we arrived. They sat in a semicircle and those who had followed us filled in the gap behind us as I was led to the center. He lingered at my side silently. I wanted to turn and look at him but I couldn’t. Once everyone was settled and quiet Tiarrh removed the gag then took his place. Just when I thought nothing could be worse, I noticed he had not taken his seat but remained standing. Apprehending officer and accuser. I trembled trying to fight the tears back. As he started speaking I found I could not focus upon him. I ensured I took in certain key words but I could not watch him as he laid out each act I could not argue against. When he finished my eyes were foolishly drawn to his. The disappointment in his face as he met my gaze was astonishing. I closed my eyes and more tears fell. After an intolerable silence he invited me to speak to explain my actions. 

My voice cracked when I first started to speak. I did my best to retell the entire tale, leaving out certain details, such as my intimacy with Renji and agreements I’d made with Mayuri. I made sure to include a small summary of what had led to why I’d been sent on the assignment in the first place about Rukia the breaking of the sokyoku, Aizen’s violent betrayal for the hogyoku and his retreat that had been torn by what had been referred to as Menos Grande. I garnered a few looks of shock when I spoke of the creature that had burrowed itself within me and what had been done to contain it. With the months I had been there it didn’t take as long as I thought it was going to. I added that I could not in any manner refute the accusations against me. I had failed. 

The Comhairle conferred for some time as I continued to stand with hundreds if not thousands of pairs of eyes upon me. I was tired and hungry. I was emotionally and psychologically spent. Finally, Tiarrh stood once more. This time I couldn’t focus upon anything else. 

“Ciani Luighseach,” he began, “An Roghnaithe you will be sequestered to your personal quarters within Chéad Aicme until the Comhairle discusses this matter more and reaches a consensus. Críochnaithe!” 

The throng dispersed slowly and Tiarrh returned to my side. The moment his hand took my arm once more I had to speak, though I still did not even attempt to look at him. “I am about to collapse, Tiarrh. If there is anything left of feeling for me then by all the gods do not let me. Not here! Not in front of them all. I have disappointed them all and shamed myself more than there are words. I cannot have my last moments before them be that weak.” 

He didn’t reply but he moved in behind me and this time had both hands upon my upper arms. If my body started to fail in any way he would be supporting me and I would not stumble nor fall. Somehow I managed all the way back to the smaller round house just behind the large main one for Chéad Aicme. Once inside, he closed the door and unbound my hands. I thought he would go then but instead he scooped me into his arms and carried me to my bed. He lay me down gently. I wasn’t even settled and comfortable when he placed a cup into my hands. I didn’t care what it was and I drank it all down in an instant. I looked up at him and his expression had softened and he seemed as though he wanted to speak but couldn’t choose the words. He lay his hand upon the top of my head for a moment then turned and left. Silent and alone I discovered I had no tears left. I fought my eyes as long as I could as my eyelids became insanely heavy. I lay on my pillow and closed my eyes. I drifted fitfully asleep saying to myself; ‘Please! Please let me not dream of him and bring that thing forth now.’


	14. Worlds Collide

12.  
I woke to the sound of water. I wanted to stretch and found myself seriously stiff and sore both from the bruises and all the standing. It was slow going and not without more noises being released from my mouth than I wanted. A blonde girl not quite in her teens appeared out of my bathing area and gasped upon meeting my gaze. She lowered her head and darted out. Wonderful. Not even one full day in disgrace and they were already afraid of me. But with her gone that must have meant a bath was being readied. I crept out of bed slowly trying to discover if there was some place on my body that didn’t hurt. My hair. My hair didn’t hurt. 

I shuffled into the small room and started to remove the shihakushō. I’d only untied the obi when I heard something hit the floor. I looked down and noticed a small rectangular card. I picked it up and discovered it was folded. A postcard. A postcard of the Urahara Shoten. The only thing printed on it was ‘thank you for shopping at the Urahara Shoten.’ Kisuke fucking Urahara! Ostensibly he’d been hugging me. I should have known better than to accept his uncharacteristic display of affection and seen it as the diversion that is was. What that hug had been masking and distracting me from was his hiding this postcard within my obi. But for what purpose? I lifted it into my hands to shred it into pieces but right as I started a tiny tear I stopped myself. I finished removing my clothing and tucked the postcard in between the kosode and the hakama. Not something I wanted to deal with right now. I put the stacked and folded clothing upon the shelf under the towels that hung just to the side of the tub. The water wouldn’t stay hot forever. I lowered myself in slowly. It was still hot enough to gently scald but I didn’t mind. It stung several of the abrasions Mairead had caused but would help with healing them. I closed my eyes and let the water do its work. 

Moments later an unexpected sensation filled me and I sat up opening my eyes. I was not expecting to sense that fuinneamh anam again today. The door opened and Tiarrh stepped through. He nodded slightly at seeing me in the tub. He loosened his belt, which I specifically noted was his old worn black leather one, and pulled his leine off and left it on the floor.  


He must have recently had his rotation out in the fields as he was much darker than usual. His wide chest lightly furred with hair the same pale brown shade as the rest. So very different than Abarai. Where Renji was strong he was still lithe and lean, Tiarrh had girth. All of it was earned hard muscle. I had no idea what to do with the waves of emotion crashing through me seeing him like this. Having all of his attention focused upon me and not being able to give mine to anything else wasn’t helping. 

He reached the tub in three strides and knelt beside it wordlessly. Still saying nothing he grabbed the pitcher off the rail and plunged it into the water. The same thumb and forefinger that had been rough and painful before gently held my chin and inclined my head. He released my chin and with one hand let the water flow down across my hair as the other worked its way onto my scalp making sure the water saturated fully. I heard him work a lather between his hands and, one wouldn’t think such large hands could be, delicately took my hair in hand and worked the lather into it. He spent a long time on my scalp. My eyes were already closed but his touch melted me into a state of relaxation where it was taking effort to stay upright. He rinsed the water through my hair again before moving on to bathing the rest of me. Nothing he did was sensual or sexual, just soothing and reassuring. A practice we’d engaged in for some time with full reciprocation as needed or desired. The heated emotion he displayed upon apprehending me had quieted. Still no words as he stood, grabbed and unfolded a towel tossing it over his shoulder. He held his hand out to me. I accepted it and stepped out of the tub. He wrapped it around my hair and squeezed the water out of it. He dried me off quickly then combed out my hair and bound it in a partial ponytail. 

He led me by the hand back into the main area and had me stand next to the bed. He had me slip into undergarments hastily. Split on the outer hem remarkably soft brown leather pants were next followed by a knee length skirt of the same material. Deftly he pulled a thick cotton leine in a shade almost matching the leather over my head. The sleeves went just past my elbows and there was a Spéir triskele embroidered at the cuff of each. The mantle which was of a slightly lighter weave than the leine with Spéir triskele at the shoulders. Last was the tapered purple sash which he wrapped around my waist once then tied loosely so the knot hung toward my right hip. Once again he moved me, this time across from my bed to the small table and chairs that sat against the wall. He knelt in front of me and slipped one side laced boot on me, whipped up the lacing and tied it off. The leather had been cleaned and oiled and the buttons polished. He finished with the other foot then pulled me to my feet. 

He took a few steps back from me and a soft smile curled his lips at the corners. “That is what An Roghnaithe I trained and agreed to serve greets her people in,” he stated without masking the pride in his voice. He darted back into the bathing area and returned with something gathered in his hands. “She _**does not**_ stand before them in a jester’s costume!” he shouted tossing the shihakushō at my head. 

I ducked most of it easily. I’d been mistaken about his mood. It wasn’t quieted in the slightest. His temper had never shown for so long. I began to gather up the components and fold them neatly once more. His hands were on the fabric instantaneously trying to take it from me again. That was not going to happen. I had been accepted enough they allowed me to wear one freely and I intended upon keeping it for sentimental reasons alone. Unfortunately, that’s when the postcard fell out. My hands were too busy trying to collect the numerous pieces of fabric so I was unable to get to it before he snatched it up off the floor. 

“So what’s this then?” He demanded. “A token from your lover?! A remembrance of your new life you only fled because they couldn’t rid you of that thing?” He unfolded it and read it then looked at me. 

For the first time I felt it then, the Hollow. I could feel it tickling at my brain urging me to awaken and use ainneonach heagraí. So very like a whisper when you think you hear someone calling your name but there’s no one there. A fraction of a moment it seemed like a good idea, really. He’d come into _**my**_ room! He was damaging _**my**_ things! He was not An Roghnaithe, I was! Together ainneonach heagraí and I had confronted and yelled down the Captains and Vice-Captains of the Gotei 13 and had them relent to the demands of a veritable stranger! Who was he to question my actions? My motives? What had he done? But then I remembered, he could counter anything I could possibly do, with one exception. How many years training, sparring, I could no longer recall? I also remembered, and I’d never been separated since discovering the ability as a very young child, he’d removed my spiorad chomhrac and I currently had no idea where she was. I blinked a few times and found his sword pointed at me and touching my chest again. I hadn’t even seen it in the room. 

“What the hell, Tiarrh?!” I insisted. “I understand. I failed. I failed miserably. You’re hurt, disappointed, betrayed and angry. What will this solve? Isn’t one of us being shunned enough?” 

He stood staring at me for the longest time. I’d never found his face unreadable until this moment. Eventually he lowered and sheathed the blade but kept it in his hand. He handed the postcard back to me. “I hadn’t believed you. I honestly hadn’t believed you,” he remarked. “But what just happened to your eyes…” 

I hastily refolded and stacked the components of the shihakushō and tucked the postcard back within. I sighed as I sat on my bed. “Almost glowing red and black streaked?” 

He nodded. “What _**is**_ it?” 

I explained to him the difference between what we called the Fomor and their creations and Hollows, which wasn’t much but enough. I did my best to convey what had happened, starting with its attacking me through what I had done to Urahara and his shoten. I also told him what had just happened, of being aware of it wanting to act through me. I explained to him I knew it could be removed, that here it _**could**_ be done. What I had learned of the Seireitei it was indeed possible their Soul King could have accomplished such a feat but that he would not have intervened. 

“What use is he then if he doesn’t care for the people who hold him in reverence?” 

I couldn’t begin in just a few sentences explain how and why things were done as they were in the Seireitei. Especially not when I wasn’t exactly sure about most of them myself. I should not have needed to involve myself in the goings on of the Rukongai but after seeing them my conscience wouldn’t allow otherwise. My attempt to impart any of this to Tiarrh just left him gaping and shaking his head. It was the same reaction I had when these things had been told to me while I was there and especially when Renji escorted me around. 

“And there’s more. Since he’s central to the tale I just told you and to why I am even here to tell you – it seems I’ve found the roaming wizard. It seems he’s going by the name of Kisuke Urahara and is operating an odd little shop. And he’s no less inserting himself within and moving and manipulating events than ever.” 

He cocked an eyebrow at me. He opened his mouth to say something then closed it again. That was the statement that caused him to sit and sit hard in the chair I’d occupied when he was putting my boots on my feet. His right hand came up and pressed into his eyes before he rubbed his face. “Tell me.”

So I did. I shared each and every detail I’d garnered from conversations in the Seireitei, especially the ones with Mayuri. There had been no tech until Kisuke, no Research and Development. I had never gained the specifics of what had brought down the sentence of exile but there was plenty of note regarding his flight out immediately thereafter. What time I had spent in the shoten in his presence had simply been, odd. Even the shoten was odd. Appearing so small but seemingly an endless warren of rooms and space within and then there was that cavern under it defying all reason. He associated with a cat. A black cat. A black cat that could change forms. Then there was the man’s demeanor, chipper but appearing almost disinterested, which couldn’t be further from the truth. I could see it in his eyes in the few moments that insane hat wasn’t shading them. So much suppressed emotion, and the burden of knowing far too much. And he helped me. No reason, no reward he just did it because it needed doing and he was the one who could. I voiced my speculations upon just how deeply involved Urahara was in the entire situation the Seireitei had just encountered and was sure to face once more as a man such as Souske Aizen was one to patiently achieve his goals, as well as in assuring the conception and birth of its apparent guardian in Ichigo Kurosaki. The parallels to the Old tale were stark and nearly chilling. Merlin had once again created an Arthur. 

Tiarrh was quiet for some time and I could tell from his far off expression he was deep in thought. Understandable. I’d just given him an enormous swath of information as well as some summary of what I’d been doing during my months in the Seireitei. He’d had a completely different intent and mood when he’d come in. I was, at least, thankful for that. Even now I couldn’t stand him being angry with me. 

Abruptly he stood and walked over to the bed. He knelt in front of me and took my hands in his, and it made my fingers feel so tiny. He looked me in the eye before speaking. “We were wro – I – I was wrong. Should you have returned per the original directive? Yes. By the gods Cee, I was terrified you had been imprisoned or executed. You sent back nothing! Clearly you did far more than what was asked of you and I would say it’s fair to assume we will be able to maintain diplomatic contact with them.” 

I sat there blinking at him. Part of me was thrilled to hear those words from him, but the other part was nearly crushed. If he’d given me just a moment to explain, that I had no way to contact anyone once arriving in the seiretei, before parading me around the entire Spéir, the entire spectacle would have been avoided. It was a matter to be discussed within our Aicme and the Comhairle alone. I pulled my hands away. No, you don’t get to do this now, not after yesterday. “So you’re sorry,” I stated. “You were their voice then are you now?” 

He took a long deep breath before replying. “Actually, yes I am. The Comhairle met again while you were sleeping and gave it to me to ascertain just what had transpired, then chose to leave it to custom. After investigating do you maintain position or are you removed and have Mairead ascend from athsholáthair. As rófhéinní the responsibility falls upon me.” He paused a moment and looked up at me his eyes pleading. “Yesterday wasn’t for or because of you. It was to test me. To assure one and all I would hold no bias in your regard.” 

I fought with myself for a moment but allowed my hand to move to his head and rest there. Of course that’s the route they chose. Given our lifelong involvement, of course the Comhairle would have wanted reassurance from us both, but I also knew he, and he alone, had chosen the manner and method of that test. I was about to speak but that’s when the door opened and the girl from before returned carrying a tray of food. Tiarrh stood quickly and took it from her when he noticed the panic that was in her eyes once more. He placed it on the table then moved to retrieve his spiorad chomhrac. 

“I should go. I didn’t mean to….” he said then turned toward the door. "I am certain I have what I need to impart to them. My recommendation will be to conditionally reinstate you An Roghnaithe.” With that he left. 

I couldn’t eat. After yesterday and then this exchange, I found all I could do was curl up on my bed and cry.


	15. Pain

13.  
Eventually my body insisted so I relented and ate. Everything was cold but it didn’t matter. It was food. Last thing I’d eaten was the few things while getting drunk at Kisuke’s table. While I was eating I was a bit disappointed Tiarrh never returned to tell me if his recommendation had been accepted and I could leave my cage. I couldn’t stay in here much longer. I’d sink into my head and that was a sad and lonely and dangerous place right now not considering the hollow. If I added the hollow I honestly had no idea what was preferable awake and aware or not. Though I did know passed out drunk was bad. Very bad. I shuddered. That one visage had me comprehending the depths of Renji’s worry, and he had seen me like that for weeks. 

Once done eating I placed the tray outside my door to save the young one the trouble of having to encounter me again. I went to the bath and opened the spigot that drained it to the gutter outside. Then there was Tiarrh’s leine. I did something totally foolish. I gathered it into my hands and buried my face in it. I trembled. My body’s response to his scent was involuntary. I was awash with emotions and memories. I chided myself that it hadn’t been a good idea, since there was way too much unresolved between us, so I went and hung it on the back of one of the chairs. Was unlike him to forget such a thing. There was no way he hadn’t known he left shirtless. I giggled to myself thinking of all the gawking faces. Tiarrh was quite pleasant to look at under normal circumstances. 

He’d had dalliances but had never married during his centuries as rófhéinní. While I’d never argued with my betrothal to him both from duty as well as love I still knew how meaningful his acceptance of the arrangement was even if his reasons were nearly identical to mine. Even though I did not know my family others did and for me to become the mate of rófhéinní and to join whichever family of the Taisech I was from with the Síochánta had not all the Houses pleased. Decisions of An Comhairle were absolute without appeal, so the betrothal had been accepted. Like Merlin’s hands being involved in the creation of Kurosaki I was certain someone was also thinking of just what sort of being was possible within the offspring of Tiarrh and myself. All these thoughts had gone unappreciated at the time and now I found them sullied by my actions and decisions in the Seireitei and Souru Sosaeti. Right now, my home was nowhere. I screamed in frustration. I needed to hit something. I could not stay trapped in this space. I picked up one of the chairs and twisted to throw it across the room when it was snatched out of my hands. 

“The chair did nothing to you,” Tiarrh stated as he bent to pick up his leine that had fallen on the floor. “I realized I’d left this and was coming back for it. Seems my timing was impeccable.” He placed the chair back in its place at the table. 

I glared at him. “I’m going to go stark raving mad if I can’t get out of here!” I shouted. “Who’s on the ealaíona comhraic cycle right now?” 

He glared back at me and quickly forced himself back into his clothing. “Eighneachan is on all forms of gráscar lámh; dornálaíocht, coraíocht, speachóireacht, Nóirín has troid armáílte and féinchosaint and you know no one ever takes batadóireacht from me no matter what else I may be doing. Though training in Chéad Aicme is not my current task.” 

“Good! Surely as my jailer and warden you can take me to the training hall at least?!” 

He sighed and the glare remained. “I am neither your jailer nor your warden.” 

“Really? You’re the only person I’ve seen other than that terrified child in nearly two days! Am I free to go where I wish in the Spéir?” 

“No.” 

I folded my arms across my chest and planted my feet not taking my eyes from him. He had just proved my point for me. I did know the answer before I even asked him. Of course they weren’t going to let me wander about. I was no longer An Roghnaithe. I had been compromised in many ways. I was barely dia bás any longer. I couldn’t be who or what I once was but yet I could not leave either. He had to understand why I was so restless. I’d known one thing my whole life then it had been altered dramatically. Here I was in a place with people intimately familiar and I found no solace. If I allowed myself to succumb to the torrent of emotions again I’d only start crying and become a semi-permanent fixture in my bed. 

“So shall we go then or am I to remain caged in this space until the hollow has its way with me again?!” I demanded. 

He sighed again and closed his eyes a moment. “This isn’t a good idea.” 

“I don’t care what you think! I...”

“I know very damned well you don’t! You have made that abundantly clear!” 

He snaked around behind me before I could blink. He grabbed the back of my mantle and the leine in one huge fist and the waist of the skirt and pants in the other, lifted me off the floor and tossed me out the door. Too late I’d realized the error of my words. Even attempting to apologize now would be futile. I stood, freshly aware of the pains from the night of my arrival, and tried to dust myself off and straighten my clothes. Before I could he lifted me up off the ground again and I saw nothing but fire behind his eyes as I strained to look at him over my shoulder. I was horror struck with shame from the expressions I caught on the faces of those we passed. I was somewhat grateful we were in Chéad Aicme, so I wasn’t being humiliated again in full public. I was also genuinely frightened of him for the very first time. I’d never once experienced him this angry. He’d stalked about five steps when I realized where we were going. He was taking me where I’d asked, the training hall, and it was going to be most unpleasant. 

First, I got tossed through another door and I’d barely gotten back on my feet when a sail éille came flying through the air at me. Then, I only just had a good grip on it when another came at me. I ducked out of the mantle and tossed it haphazardly out of the way. I quickly changed the hold I had on the one in my left hand so I could better block with it. 

“Two?” I asked as I faced him. The fire behind his eyes was just as potent. 

“Too much for you? Do I need to have some of the children’s brought in?” he questioned.

I swallowed hard cutting off any response I might have. I’d never fought him angry. Anything I said now would just fuel the fire within him. I was suddenly put in mind of facing off with Kisuke and what he said to me. Right now I did not want to be doing this. This was not Kisuke Urahara. This was Tiarrh Síochánta, rófhéinní to the Spéir. He knew what I was capable of as well as he knew himself and he was not going to back down. If I showed any sign of not being as fully committed as he was his intensity would only increase. 

He spun his sail éille easily in both his hands as he closed the small distance between us. It had been so long the thudding of the hawthorn sent almost painful vibrations through my arms into my shoulders as I blocked. I knew, for the most part, that was all I could do simply block and try not to let his blows land. It was rare I could get hits in on him. Right as I finished that thought I was facing the improbable. He was angry, so he wasn’t concentrating properly. After I blocked about six concurrent attempts, I ducked as he came at my head and he over reached. I took that moment to focus all my strength into one blow with both sail éille into the ribs under his left, his weaker, arm and then tumble away from him. 

He growled in pain and he almost dropped the sail éille in his left hand. Once focused upon me again he charged. Once more I was barely able to keep my grasp blocking the force of his blows and my shoulders were starting to ache from the constant impact. Sadly, I mistimed a block by fractions of a second and it was enough. One of his sail éille slammed down upon my left hand across the knuckles. I screamed, nearly howling in pain. Unlike him I was unable to retain my hold and the sail éille tumbled to the floor. A cold, wicked grin crept across his face. My heart leapt into my throat as a terrible awareness filled me. He wasn’t trying to defeat nor disarm me. He was actually, with premeditated intent, trying to hurt me. There was no hope for me here at all. 

“Is this what’s become of us?” I asked as I darted out of his reach. “Is this all that remains?” 

“Perhaps not even that,” he retorted, his voice a harsh menacing growl. 

I continued dashing about, though I knew I couldn’t keep it up forever. I could feel my knuckles swell and they throbbed with pain. I was sure two of them were broken. I foolishly managed to get too close and he swung and hit me square in the back. The air was forced out of me and I fell tumbling awkwardly forward. I rolled over quickly as I could but it wasn’t remotely fast enough. He straddled me before I even shifted my weight to stand and pinned both arms to my sides with his thighs. I met his eyes and against even a small hope there was only fierce determination and no hesitance staring back at me. I steeled myself for the strike to my head that would render me unconscious. His hand spun the sail éille once more and his arm moved. 

Right then a pair of feet struck him in the chest knocking him off balance and off of me. The feet landed perfectly and planted upon the floor. I looked up to see the back of Mairead. What a fascinating turn of roles. She had not come alone. As Tiarrh moved to engage her I saw Eighneachan and Nóirín move to either side of him. I was concerned for a moment he might actually decide to fight them all just to get to me, which he was perfectly capable of doing and succeeding. Instead, he expelled a sound of disgust and tossed his sail éille forcefully toward me. Mairead managed to deflect one but the other came down hard onto my right shin. I watched the grin form on his face once more as I grimaced and gasped. He then spun on his heels and lumbered out of the hall. 

I found myself thankful for the damage to my hand that I could scream and cry and have those present think that was the cause. It was nothing of the sort. So very much worse than when Renji walked away from me. I had no idea what Mairead was saying to me as she examined my left hand. No physical pain could ever hurt like my heart and soul were now. For the very first time I found myself wishing I’d not resisted, not fought with the hollow at all. What point had there been in so doing? And somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind I heard laughter. Horrible, distorted and warped a cutting guttural laugh. Only this time it was aimed at me.


	16. Renewal

The three of them helped me stand and I let Mairead steady me the whole way as I hobbled back to my room. Once there she assisted me in removing the clothing Tiarrh had so carefully dressed me in only to put me right back into an éadaí oíche. I could not move my fingers as she carefully moved my hand and arm through the sleeve of the soft unbleached cotton. She directed me to my bed and I lay down staring at the roof thatching. 

“What the hell was all that about?” she insisted. 

I didn’t answer. I just kept staring. She started to speak once more when I heard the door open. Eadbhárd, the best healer from Naoú Acime entered and started asking questions. Mairead began to explain but he cut her off as he reached my bed. He poked about the puffy bruise that was forming on my right shin and I sucked in a breath. Then he grabbed my hand and even with gentle manipulations I was unable to prevent crying out. My entire left hand was a ghastly swollen purplish mass. He stared long and hard into my eyes. His own went wide in amazement for a moment then he nodded. Polite but firm he insisted Mairead leave us alone. Like always she protested but complied. 

He pulled something out of the bag he had slung over his shoulder. It was a slender bottle with a thick grey goo within. He uncorked it and let a small amount ooze onto my knuckles. An odd burning sensation began to spread through my hand. The moment it seemed it was going to drip onto the floor he began to work it into each knuckle. I grabbed and stuffed my face into my pillow to prevent others from hearing me scream. The pain of the wounds healing and the breaks mending was worse than the initial injuring. I wiped tears before lowering the pillow. After a few minutes he moved my fingers and they all flexed and straightened freely. The swelling and discoloration was gone. 

“He’s not been this careless since his youth,” Eadbhárd stated as he moved to the bruise on my shin. “I should leave this one. Not for you, my dear, An Roghnaithe, but for him as a reminder.” 

I looked at him curiously both for what he said and that he’d used a title I no longer deserved. He said no more and treated the wound upon my shin. I didn’t understand and felt I needed to press. “Why would you call me that? I failed all of you.”

He let a brief smile form and pass. “All that training and still so very much to learn. Too much that cannot be learnt in a hall nor a book.” He placed the bottle back into his bag and left. 

I had no idea what he was talking about. Leave a knotty bruise on me as a reminder for him…Tiarrh? And a reminder of or for what? I sighed. My body was healed but that was all. I was already crushed by Renji’s reaction and rejection. My deserved shame and humiliation being paraded about the Spéir still felt like Mairead’s kicks to my face. He wanted to hurt me. Tiarrh had wanted to hurt me. Not only had he succeeded he was pleased in doing so. Not once in so much time had that ever happened. Even when he was still training me he’d strike a blow that hurt as a lesson but then explain or apologize after. This was something else and I did not understand. But I really didn’t have to. I had no place. I had no purpose. Let the damned hollow take me. There’d be nothing left of me, then they’d defeat and destroy it. I managed to blink the first few tears away but after that decided that no longer mattered. I clutched my pillow to my face again so no one would hear and come in and cried myself to sleep.  


That’s how I spent the next several days – possibly even a week or two. I didn’t want to eat. I didn’t want to get up. I simply alternated between hazy half-sleep and laying turned away from the door staring at the wall trying desperately to discover how I could have changed things. That’s when the tears would fall once more. I lost all sense of day and night. People came into my room and spoke but I never gave a moment of attention. I had no idea who had come and gone nor what was said. It didn’t matter. Nothing did. Just lay and wait for the hollow to become cohesive again and then it would all just be over.  


On a day I found it particularly difficult to even open my eyes I felt myself raised up and held in a slightly inclined position. Something was held to my mouth and a horrid tasting liquid poured into my mouth. I choked and coughed and tried to spit it out. This continued four or five more times. Eventually my body’s own instincts took over and I was wracked by a dire thirst. My hands weakly clutched at the cup and drained the contents. Someone tried to remove the cup from my hands but I could not get my fingers to release it. It was refilled, some of the liquid spattering on my face and I drained it again.  


Eventually I felt able to open my eyes. I found Eadbhárd standing next to my bed holding a stoppered gourd. Mairead sat across from the bed at the table. She looked horribly worried. I wondered to myself what had happened. 

“Well, there she is,” Eadbhárd said cheerfully. “I take it I can trust you with this?” he asked looking past me. 

“Yes,” replied a voice behind my head.

I turned my head around and found myself being held by Tiarrh. Panic surged up within me and I tried to pull away from him but found myself unable. He didn’t even seem to be holding me that tightly. He was here to finish what he’d started in the training hall, I knew it! I couldn’t make my body respond. I could not move.  


“We’ll be fine,” Tiarrh said softly. 

Eadbhárd put the gourd down on the table and shuffled Maidread out of my room. She went hesitantly and with vocal protest. My head felt heavy and everything seemed fuzzy, even my thoughts. What had happened that Eadbhárd was here again so soon and Mairead was saying she was concerned about leaving me alone with Tiarrh? Why _was_ he here? 

His hand came to the cup I was still holding and carefully removed it from my grasp. He moved a couple of pillows to keep me upright so he could place the cup on the table. He immediately returned to the bed and moved in behind me. He moved slowly so I was leaning against him. I wanted to resist him but just felt so tired. When his large hand moved to stroke my head I was powerless. I nearly melted into him it was so very soothing. Soon after I felt his whole body quake. I looked up at him and was terrified to find him crying. I’d only seen him cry once and that had been so very long ago I was still a child.  


I raised myself slowly to my knees and turned to face him. Hesitantly I rested my right hand upon his cheek. Scruffy hair framed his jaw. He’d not shaved in ages and that was exceptionally uncharacteristic. He lifted his head and within the moments of our eyes meeting he grabbed me and pulled me to him. He cried harder. I was still utterly confused but I held him tightly hoping he would calm and explain. 

“What the hell was this Cee?” he whispered, sniffling next to my ear. “It was because of me wasn’t it?”

What was he asking me? Was what because of him? His sobs began to cease and that’s when the answers occurred to me and I remembered. I remembered my outburst, and the events in the training hall. I remembered giving up. I remembered it seemed best for everyone. I’d left nothing but turmoil in my wake on my first assignment, both here and in the seireitei. Miserably shattered anyone’s hopes or expectations of me in any and all capacities. No, this hadn’t been because of him. While perhaps a catalyst it had all been me, from the very beginning. I sank back down onto my bed and just let go and found myself crying again. Not hard. I was far too dehydrated. 

He crooked a finger under my chin to raise my head. I kept my eyes lowered. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. His other hand came up and caressed my cheek. I lifted my right hand to his. He immediately moved it to engulf mine within his and he held it. I couldn’t believe how timid and insecure I was feeling. It had been so long, years, since we’d been like this. Slowly I raised my eyes to meet his. Gone was the cold hard stare, the anger, sadly what had replaced it was worry and guilt. His right hand slid from my chin and fumbled to find my other hand. Now that I had I couldn’t stop gazing into his spectacular green eyes. His behavior since my return had been so boggling to me and I wanted to ask him but found myself unable. 

He released me and stood next to the bed. Like he had the day of my arrival he scooped me into his arms and carried me into the bathing area. He lowered me slowly and carefully with the éadaí oíche on. Once I was sitting he helped me out of it and draped it on the side of the tub. The water was exactly how I liked it just on the edge of scalding. He took a towel and doubled it over across the edge of the tub and gestured for me to use it as a sort of pillow, which I did. 

“I’ll be right back,” he said then walked back out into the bedroom. 

I still felt, I had to admit it, weak as I lounged in the tub. I wasn’t sure I could have walked from my bed to the tub unaided and probably would have fallen trying to remove any clothing. The sensation of my thoughts being fogged in was dissipating. I assumed because of the nasty elixir or whatever it was Eadbhárd had provided. The clearer my thoughts became the stronger the awareness of my actions became. Had it all been me or was this the hollow once more using my emotions against me to advance upon me again? ? Thus far, each time my emotions flared and were overwhelming me it advanced. Surely, me broken would be more easily conquered. 

Tiarrh returned, shirtless like last time, but his skin was marked with bruises and abrasions. He knelt beside the tub again. Before initiating the bathing process, he answered my questioning look. “Don’t fret about it. We’ll talk later.” He said nothing more and I found myself relaxing but at the same time nervous as if this was a completely new and unexpected activity. He bathed me a bit more leisurely than last time. He dried me off quickly and much more thoroughly towel dried my hair before placing me in another éadaí oíche. He lifted me up and carried me back to bed. I noticed the moment he set me down the bedding had been replaced. That’s what he had to have been doing while I was soaking. 

He refilled the cup from the substance in the gourd and brought it to me. “I know it’s horrible,” he said handing me the cup. “But Eadbhárd said this only for now and food tomorrow. I learned as a boy not to argue with him.” 

I lifted it to my mouth and was assaulted by a scent of overpowering sweetness. One sip and I almost spat it out. Fully awake and aware this time I could really taste it. Floral, fruity and too many herbs. I held my breath and gulped it down until the cup was empty again. He took the cup from me and placed it back on the table. He settled me into bed and lay next to me on top of the bedclothes. I sank into the pillow and reached out and held tight to one of his hands. He stroked my hair with the other and he began telling me of his boyhood encounters with Eadbhárd. I drifted peacefully to sleep to his calming deep voice and reassuring presence.


	17. Brand New Day

15.  
I woke feeling groggy and disoriented. Almost as much as I was coming out of my stupor. My quarters weren’t dark so it was at least morning. It took several minutes for me to sit up and remember what happened. I still had no idea how much time had passed since fighting with Tiarrh. Was it days or weeks? It was then I realized he was gone. I was surprised at myself for just how profound my disappointment was, even with his befuddling behavior from the moment of my return. Since I was old enough to perceive Tiarrh’s presence and his temperament towards me, he always was the strong comforting one that led me to believe I could achieve and surpass the goals he set for me in training and working through my doubts regarding my becoming An Roghnaithe. He was even the voice of reason when An Comhairle decided to indefinitely postpone our marriage. That awareness brought forth conflicting emotions about Renji that I should not be having. I was never going to see Abarai again. My last words to him had been to let me go and that’s precisely what he had done. Knowing that didn’t prevent the slight shudder I experienced in allowing myself to think of him and remember. Fortunately, that barrage of thought was interrupted by Tiarrh walking through the door. 

He was clean and shaved and in fresh, but very casual dress like what he wore when it was his time out in the fields or livestock pens. His face lit up and he smiled upon seeing me awake. I actually felt myself blush. Ridiculous! This man had watched me grow up, had seen me at my weakest and strongest circumstances, had seen me sweaty, bruised and abraded, clothed and unclothed in every possible circumstance, and I was blushing like a child because he smiled at me. Pull yourself together Ciani! This is also the man who pummeled you with the sail éille. This is the man who insisted upon using the archaic ritual of putting you on exhibit for the entire Spéir to shame and humiliate you. This is the man who called your shihakushō a jester’s costume.  


I was, however, quite pleased his overall demeanor seemed to have changed and he was no longer angry and abrasive. He had genuinely frightened me, and that was a very uncomfortable feeling I had no desire to experience again. He and I needed to talk about so very many things. I had no idea where to begin. Plus, right now didn’t seem the appropriate time.  


“How are you feeling?” he asked as he sat at the table across from me. 

“Woke up fairly disoriented but better the longer I’m awake,” I replied sitting up a little better. “It’s morning?” 

He nodded. “Late morning, but yes.”

He sat with his hands folded resting on the table. He seemed to be staring at them but I knew what he was doing. He had something to say but was thinking how to phrase it properly. I waited silent and patient. After a few moments he shook his head then looked up at me. “Do you think you can walk for a bit?” 

I looked at him quizzically. “I think so. Why? What’s on your mind? I know your devilment look, Tiarrh.”

He chuckled. It was one of the most amazing sounds I’d heard since my return. I didn’t realize until that moment just how much I missed hearing it. 

“Get dressed and you’ll see,” he teased. 

That definitely spiked my curiosity. Not only was the anger gone, but his mirth returned. It was very pleasant and almost surprising to see and hear. I couldn’t let myself become too comfortable though. Filling the distance that had grown between us was going to take effort and time.  


Taking my cue from his own clothing I put on something similar. I folded the éadaí oíche and tucked it under a pillow and made the bed. I moved to the door but Tiarrh blocked the way. He knelt in front of me and carefully double wrapped a new violet belt around my waist. Where he’d hidden it I really didn’t want to know. He backed up to the door and reached outside. I could feel it before he made the sweeping gesture holding it out to me. Ainneonach heagraí. My hand started to move to reclaim my spiorad chomhrac but I hesitated. With the Hollow reforming inside me and still influencing my behavior I wasn’t sure it was a good idea. Then, I needed to know what this signified. Was this just Tiarrh returning to me what he’d snatched from me back at the Mound or was this rófhéinní acting on the behest of the Comhairle? I started to ask him but he shook his head again and slid the sword within the material's layers. 

“Come on,” he urged as he stepped out the door and grabbed his own immense spiorad chomhrac from where it rested next to the door. 

I followed feeling an odd mix of anticipation and suspicion. Tiarrh didn’t like surprises so it was hard to believe he’d planned one. And I could not stop wondering what returning my spiorad chomhrac to me and allowing me to wear it openly meant. Too many questions and he wasn’t stopping. I’d forgotten the effort needed to keep up with his enormous stride. Falling in next to him I was quickly reminded how diminutive I felt next to him as he towered over me by almost a foot. I smiled to myself as I recalled a thought from my youth; it was like being next to a walking tree trunk. 

We walked through the main house of Chéad Aicme and instead of the looks of disappointment and shame I was expecting, I was met with near smiles, nods and waves. I was so confused. It was as if I never left. No one stopped or hindered us as we moved on past all the buildings of the Aicme and Taisech. Even passing through the Taisech circle the reactions from others were the same. Were these the same people who’d been gawking, pointing, and whispering as Tiarrh drug me through the day of my return? Seeing them now I wasn’t sure how that was possible. Had I imagined it? Had it been the influence of the hollow all along? I really wanted answers.  


We passed all the homes of the anam and turned northwest toward the orchards, vineyards, hops and herb plots and apiary, which were totally on the opposite side of the Spéir than the other food crops and livestock pens. Past that was wild forest. Why were we going there? Tiarrh’s expression had been too full of mischief to be taking me out to do any sort of work. I knew he wasn’t going to tell me until we arrived wherever he was he was taking me, so I endeavored to keep up with his substantial strides.  


As we reached the space between the plots and apiary I understood why. I couldn’t fight the smile, but managed at the tears I found welling in my eyes. He remembered. He sat on an old log and waited for me to join him. Once I had he placed a previously hidden basket before me at my feet. There was some bread, cheese and fruit as well as a couple of bottles within. Tiarrh told me Eadbhárd said food today, and I was suddenly rather hungry. I nibbled at the bread and cheese before lifting the bottle. I sighed blissfully. Íde’s meade. He’d planned a lovely little picnic to watch the butterflies waft in to find food and secure places to settle for overwintering. He remembered how thrilled I always was in early autumn to watch this spectacle and he’d chosen an amazing place for us to do so. I ate and drank wordlessly as I watched them. An occasional Peacock butterfly, my absolute favorite, visible amongst the others. Periodically I’d steal a glance at him out of the corner of my eyes. He was eating and drinking and watching the butterflies as well, but mostly he was watching me with a grin on his face. Again I felt a blush rise upon my cheeks, and it felt just as ridiculous as before.  


Once the contents of the basket were mostly gone I finally turned to face him. “Thank you,” I said, far more quietly than I meant to. 

He smiled fully then. “I thought, perhaps, something – a pleasant memory but nothing personal for either of us was in order.” 

I nodded. “It was an excellent choice.” 

“But you’re right. We do _**need**_ to talk.” He chuckled lightly. “That’s what Íde’s meade was for.” 

I cracked a crooked grin. It didn’t surprise me in the slightest he’d known just how many times I’d had that thought without voicing it. He’d brilliantly chosen a neutral location far away from potential outside influences. “Good idea. Who goes first?”  


Without a word he knelt before me and took my hands in his. “I’m sorry,” he said looking deep into my eyes. I started to respond and he shook his head cutting me off. “Not a word, Ciani. Nothing for nearly a year! I was out of my mind with panic! I tried, I genuinely tried to maintain my routine and duties. It wasn’t possible when all I could think of was what happened to you. I petitioned the full Comhairle, more than once, knowing what I was asking, to allow me to find some sort of answer. Even if they refused to release me to send one of the others Mairead, Eighneachan, anyone just to know if you were still alive. They refused. That judgment clouded everything from that moment and the worry and bitterness just grew.  


“Remember I told you training in Chéad Aicme is not my current task? It hasn’t been for some time. Before it could be addressed publicly by the Comhairle, others in Chéad Aicme privately spoke to my father and asked him for me to step aside because I was being too harsh with students. Príomh Múinteoir asked to not do the one thing he’d been made for. I’ve spent most of this time in Naoú Acime with my parents, but working the fields. This body was made and trained to fight, but I couldn’t fight for what I wanted. I’d been relieved of my duties, so I had to **_do_** something. While I’d not become comfortable with my situation, the work itself was not unpleasant and it kept me occupied enough to keep my mind from straying to you.  


“Then the day arrived. The moment I’d desired for so long. Unexpected, unscheduled activity at the Mound. The presence of exceptional fuinneamh anam. There was no other it could be. There was a very brief meeting and of course I **_had_ ** to be the one to meet you. They’d refuse any other, and as Rófhéinní I was to determine where your loyalties lie. So I dressed the part. 

“I was at the passage before anyone else. I wanted to meet you alone but Mairead insisted and threatened to drag every active oifigeach of Chéad Aicme, so I allowed her through as well. We were already there waiting, watching as you arrived. When you stepped out into the clearing, I was dumbfounded. I’d have stopped her assault on you otherwise. But then you stood there, unwavering, allowing her to expel her frustrations. I couldn’t fault her and at the same time was struck by your resolve. I could see then you’d returned knowing what you’d face. As I separated the two of you, it didn’t matter. I’d accept anything you had to say. But then you touched me. Memories flooded my mind but they were instantly overpowered by a ripple of a sensation I’d never experienced. It was fuinneamh anam but not. It was completely foreign. And then I knew. There you were in those awkward clothes reeking of the fuinneamh of another and the feelings I’d been forced to set aside burst into my awareness. The hurt, the anger, the worry became a living breathing being that completely possessed me. They’d told me to prove your loyalty and that ritual was the first thing that came to mind. At that time, I felt you deserved the shame, the humiliation. How, why would you come back to us looking and feeling like you did?  


“I brushed off the surprise and shock of the throngs as I pulled you through a ceremony most hadn’t even heard of much less witnessed. Then as I watched you during the whole event and meeting, you held your composure. You denied nothing and at the same time relayed you had actually completed the assignment. You showed and expressed remorse but still there stood our An Roghnaithe. And after all that you actually asked me to help you not break in front of everyone. I was filled with pride and disgust simultaneously. Pride because of you and disgust at myself. 

“I was overwhelmed by conflicting emotions. You returned. You were safe. You were home. But you’d never sent any sort of message. You were wearing those clothes and you didn’t even feel like yourself or even a dia bás. You returned so entangled with another’s fuinneamh it could only mean one thing, and that flung me into a rage I’ve never experienced before. I was hurt and each time I attempted to be rational all I could find myself doing was wanting to hurt you. To cause you the same pain I was feeling. So that day in the training room, I fell back into what I and my body knew. Fighting. And there was no way I could restrain myself. Why I’d said it wasn’t a good idea. But I was unleashed and with that darkness surfaced once again.  


“And you knew! Gods be damned you _**knew!**_ I saw it in your eyes before I walked away from you. You knew I was trying to hurt you. That when I broke your entire hand it was purposeful and it pleased me. Pleased me! And I had no intention of stopping myself. Had Mairead and Eighneachan not intervened... They shouldn’t have had to. Such a loss of control – inexcusable – especially with you. It was too much when I’d been relieved of training but to knowingly, wanting to hurt you? Not once had I felt or desired such a thing. What was I allowing myself to become? 

He paused a moment and choked away tears. “And you wilted after that. Nothing you’d experienced in your entire time of being had caused such a reaction. You wanted to die. To let that thing take you knowing what we’d be forced to do to eliminate the threat it posed. You wanted it. I know you too well. Eadbhárd insisted you’d come out of it on your own. I was dubious but knew I had to expel what I’d been keeping such a tight rein on and spent the weeks – yes weeks Cee – three bloody horrible weeks – pushing myself through calisthenics and sparring with the oifigeach and many – _**many**_ – long talks with Eadbhárd. It finally became painfully obvious to others what I’d known the first time I saw you lying motionless in your bed, the last couple of days when your eyes didn’t even open you’d given up entirely. Eadbhárd had to intervene. So here we are.”

Tears were streaming down my face when he stopped. Now I knew. It _**had**_ been the Hollow making me see things and feel things, as the gawking was because of the ritual itself and not me. I hadn’t been a breadth from being dismissed as An Roghnaithe as I thought. Now I understood Tiarrh's behavior. I’d nearly broken, no demolished, the strongest man I knew. I let my head droop, but he was having none of it. Per his usual gesture, his thumb and index finger came to my chin making me raise my head once more and meet his eyes. A few tears of his own had fallen and his eyes were pleading. 

“No,” he began, “we’ve done far too much of that – closing ourselves off. Tell me. Tell me what you’re feeling. Whatever it is. I’m not angry anymore, and we've both hurt enough. I just need to know. Don’t keep swallowing it down.” 

I sighed heavily and wiped my face with my sleeve. He was right. So I did. I explained to him everything about Renji and why I’d allowed myself to let the relationship blossom as I had. When Tiarrh didn’t fight the postponement of our marriage and then never tried for more than 20 years to have the betrothal renewed I assumed that he was content with that decision. It wasn’t officially absolved but it had just vanished and we never talked to one another about it once the decision was made. Our intimacy even changed. Yes, we continued being physically intimate when the mood struck but everything between us seemed muted, changed. 

When I arrived in the seireitei I had no idea their passageway worked like an actual doorway so when I moved to walk down the pathway in front of me I tripped and fell out of the damned thing. They’d sent shinigami to cover the senkaimon and I fell right on top of him - Renji. Worst possible first impression. But under me was this crimson haired, tattooed man who looked at me like only one other ever had, as if he were staring straight into my soul and wanted an invitation to remain there. I had to explain to him, then Captain Kuchiki, then so many others who I was and why I was there. They wanted to expel me but no one knew how. Our gateways weren’t compatible, which is why I'd never sent a report nor message. I’d followed the trail of the explosive fuinneamh wave and when I was sure I was at the source found myself stepping out of a sliding doorway. Captain Kurotsuchi was tasked with sending me back and Renji was suddenly my tour guide. 

I found myself stuck and having to spend time with these new people and it was just all so fascinating. Renji was tasked with me simply because he’d been the senior most officer present. What had been instant mutual attraction grew into more as he and I had no choice but to get to know one another better. Learning our abilities through sparring just deepened it. But I always held back from him. I didn’t speak of the Spéir or any of the people I was involved with. I hadn’t even told Renji about what transpired between Captain Kurotsuchi and myself; the things we’d discussed about the Spéir, the samples of myself I’d openly provided to him in exchange for information on his own exploits. But I was going to. The day the hollow attacked, he would have learned everything. 

I swallowed hard and looked Tiarrh in the eye as I said I’d intended to stay in the seireitei, with the Shinigami, with Renji, if the attack hadn’t happened. The hurt that was apparent in his eyes was like a slap to the face but he only nodded. 

“You thought our bond broken,” he stated. “I’d given no reason for you to believe otherwise.”

My hand moved to his face. “I had no idea, Tiarrh. I swear! I didn’t know this would hurt you. I was certain with it having been so long there had to be another for you, surely. When I first saw you at the Mound and there was the symbol of our betrothal upon you, something you’d not worn in years I was certain it meant you were going to publicly sever…”

I looked at him what seemed ages and he gazed right back until he moved his head forward and rested his forehead upon mine. One of his hands slipped behind my head and held it there.

“So close and yet so very distant,” he whispered. “Too many things unspoken and assumed. We forgot ourselves, forgot each other and became no more than Rófhéinní and An Roghnaithe.”

Without another word his head moved and I found him kissing me. Deeply – almost desperate. My initial reaction was to pull away from him but I was consumed with feeling and I found myself responding in kind. As did it always the heat between us surged and threatened to overflow, but I wouldn’t allow it. It was too soon – for both of us. He must have sensed my hesitance and he broke the kiss. 

“Too soon for more than that,” I said softly. 

He nodded in agreement. 

“But not too late to find that again?” I asked finding it hard to meet his eyes once more. 

His hands grasped mine again. “No, macushla, never too late. Especially not undertaking that endeavor together.” 

That’s what we did. We spent little moments like with the butterflies at the same time undertaking our Spéir responsibilities again. Not just rediscovering who we were to each other but who we were at all. We’d spent too much thought on expectations of others.  


Days turned into weeks as we learned how to become friends again with each other and those who also cared for us. He returned to his role as Príomh Múinteoir, this time allowing more input from the oifigeach than before, realizing he’d taken on far too much as his and only his responsibility and duty after we’d been betrothed. I found myself spending more and more time with the young children passed into the care of Chéad Aicme. Without an assignment I honestly didn’t require my daunting moniker. I was content and I could tell he was too. 

Slightly more than a month after our discussion, I was in the library of Naoú Acime studying herbology. In casual conversation Tiarrh would mention things he’d learned from Eadbhárd as well as his months tending the fields and I had little idea what he was talking about. I took it upon myself to educate myself further so there wouldn’t be such a gap between us. Eadbhárd took it as an honor and decided to oversee my education on herbs and healing himself. He brought me a new book regarding poisonous plants but as he moved to hand it to me I felt a tremor of fuinneamh and it slipped past my fingertips onto the floor. 

“Oh shit!” I exclaimed. Eadbhárd started to ask what was wrong but I was already moving toward the door. 

My feet hit the ground and I bolted to the core of the Spéir. The sensation grew stronger as I ran. It was then my awareness corrected me. While similar in source, it wasn’t fuinneamh I was feeling. It was reiatsu. Reiatsu I was all too familiar with. All hell was about to break loose and knowing what I was going to encounter I pushed myself even harder to reach the main roundhouse. A breach occurred and the impossible had happened; a Shinigami, and more specifically, Renji Abarai had come to the Spéir.


	18. Crushed Pineapple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tiarrh vs Renji  
> dia bás vs shinigami

16.  
By the time I reached the gap between the Roundhouse and Chéad Aicme, they’d already engaged one another. They were also drawing an audience. Before focusing my attention upon on anything else I ordered all oifigeach to secure and seal Chéad Aicme grounds, post themselves as sentries and that anyone not ceannasaí to drop whatever they were engaged in and report quarters and remain there until told otherwise. I’d deal with the fallout of this altercation and my response to it later but for now interference would worsen the entire situation. So much for discarding the daunting moniker. I nodded quickly to myself as my Aicme moved flawlessly to follow my commands. We were the warrior protectors. Sealed there’d be no collateral damage to any other area of the Spéir. We were all about to witness something fearsome and astounding; The Rófhéinní had been roused to legitimate action. 

Renji already called Zabimaru into shiaki while Tiarrh had done no more than unsheathe laoch gan staonadh. Given the overwhelming power contained within Tiarrh’s spiorad chomhrac, his training had centered on his swordmanship for years before anyone even considered training him to master even chéad eisiúint. Such seemingly effortless skill Tiarrh snapped that massive blade about. It was almost too fast to see. Horrible, beautiful, I couldn’t help but to be awestruck. 

Abarai was keeping up surprisingly well, meeting each of Tiarrh’s attacks and managing to get in some of his own. He kept trying to speak and reason with Tiarrh, but it was useless. Once committed to battle Tiarrh was like a machine with one purpose and one goal – defeat and or kill the enemy without hesitation or remorse. Even if he wasn’t, Renji wore, of course, a shihakushō. There was no way Tiarrh did not know who this was. To him he wasn’t just facing an invader to the Spéir; he was facing a rival, _**the**_ rival, for my affections. This is what I’d warned Abarai of back at the shoten, and why. I could only imagine, having sparred with both of them, what the few others I’d allowed to remain were thinking if they could even visually keep up with the entire scene. 

In a surprising move, Renji had Zabi double over on himself faster than I’d ever seen and managed to half coil around Tiarrh’s blade. It was a spectacular maneuver. It might have disarmed a lesser opponent with a smaller weapon. Renji started to pull Zabi back toward him to do just that, yank Tiarrh’s spiorad chomhrac from his hands. Sadly, it did not have the desired effect. Tiarrh released laoch gan staonadh from his grasp for the smallest fraction of a second, snatched the hilt in a full two handed grip and then did something I’d only ever seen once before.  


Sneering at Renji, looking straight into his eyes, Tiarrh opened his mouth and spoke, “láithriú agus cath in aice liom.” Rapidly manifesting beside Tiarrh was a warrior in full hard leather body armor including a cap and mask who was only slightly taller than Tiarrh himself. It wielded an even longer wider sword with a jagged kris style blade. It stood next to Tiarrh for a moment receiving only a nod from him by way of a command. I saw Renji blink in surprise and he drew Zabimaru back to himself. That moment of near hesitance cost him. Distracted by the new opponent Tiarrh closed the distance between them. Before Zabimaru could even move, a very thin carefully placed laceration opened across Renji’s left cheek and blood seeped down his jaw. Tiarrh withdrew then, just to observe and left the awakened entity on the attack. 

Like he had with Tiarrh, Renji was keeping up with laoch gan staonadh. Although it fought independently of Tiarrh it fought almost exactly like him. Tiarrh started to move then. It took all my self-control not to shout a warning. Neither of them would forgive me for interfering. I thought for a moment Tiarrh was going to make contact and actually wound Renji while he was occupied with the other but Renji was aware of Tiarrh’s movements and managed to alter the direction of enough of Zabimaru’s segments to block. Neither Tiarrh nor his awakened spiorad chomhrac slowed. Both continued hit after hit and I could tell Renji was losing Zabi’s cohesion, and he did what I expected at that moment. He called Zabimaru to himself and distanced himself long enough to call him into bankai. As he watched the transformation, a wicked glimmer shone in Tiarrh’s eyes and he smirked. The battle continued. They remained almost matched. One would strike the other would counter. It went on for ages. Both Renji and Tiarrh had small wounds all over. Neither was going to relent at all.  


Renji had realized laoch gan staonadh’s manifestation was the more vulnerable of the two. While it could fight independently of Tiarrh, in chéad eisiúint it relied more upon Tiarrh’s direction, which caused it to hesitate at times and was a mild distraction for Tiarrh. Renji decided to keep Tiarrh occupied with segments of Zabimaru and focused his full assault, Zabi’s massive head, upon the entity. Renji kept pressing and I could see Tiarrh hardening his resolve. Zabimaru managed to catch laoch gan staonadh in his jaws and unexpectedly it crumbled into its leather armor components. It would reform quickly but it was enough to allow Renji to refocus Zabimaru’s attack to Tiarrh. Tiarrh growled in response, but it was a welcome. Renji had no idea what Tiarrh was holding in reserve and had been all along. Laoch gan staonadh, of course, had a dara scaoileadh, but surely, he wouldn’t? I looked deeply at him and Tiarrh’s expression said otherwise. It had been too long since he’d done more than simply spar with someone. He decided Renji was an actual threat. Rófhéinní would never let this opponent go. If he dared activate his dara scaoileadh, Renji would not survive. 

Tiarrh altered his grip once more as the pieces of laoch gan staonadh reformed and Zabimaru’s head came barreling toward him. Suddenly, I moved like a being possessed and stopped between the two of them, so fast neither of them altered their actions. Ainneonach heagraí was in my hand, though I had no memory of removing it from my belt nor unsheathing it. Words came to my mind and flew from my mouth unbidden; “Tugaim go léir de féin chun tú a choinneáil ó dhochar.” Ainne’s blade did as when I used chéad eisiúint, it vibrated into a feather-like shape, but this time it split and the shapes traveled from me in three different directions. I felt a suggestion to cease its attack move toward the entity, the equilibrium disturbance struck Tiarrh and the loud screeching sound formed a barrier preventing Zabimaru from reaching his goal. It was a dara scaoileadh level technique and nothing I had ever thought of doing. Having both himself and his spiorad chomhrac attacked and effected caused Tiarrh to contain laoch gan staonadh and finally notice I was there. Ainne was still active and I watched him as he moved toward me but fell to his knees and he began retching. Renji fared no better. The soundwaves that caused the barrier grew stronger and louder until he too was on his knees before me with trickles of blood oozing from both his ears.  


I attempted to recall Ainne but found myself experiencing an unusual sensation of euphoria at the power I’d released and couldn’t. ‘Look what you did!’ I thought to myself. ‘Yes, you stopped them from killing themselves which is all you were attempting that task is now done.’ But it wasn’t done. Laoch gan staonadh remained unsheathed and though silent and still Zabimaru still hovered and coiled about Renji. Both Tiarrh and Renji were staring at me as both men struggled to stand again. Abarai moved first sealing and returning a sheathed Zabimaru to his obi. Soon after Tiarrh did the same returning his spiorad chomhrac to his back. Ainneonach heagraí returned to me and reformed as a blade and I returned her to my waist. Insanely exhausted, dizzy and nauseated I slumped onto the ground. I tried to talk but the nausea overtook me and I spewed forth nothing but a stream of blood. I knew very well I’d never used that much fuinneamh anam at once. All I’d ever done was train and spar. I’d used? Created? A new technique and obviously my body wasn’t pleased with the strain. 

Renji managed to reach me first and I was unable to stop him before he began stroking my hair and attempt assessing both his and my wounds. Tiarrh stepped forward with a growl but I held one hand up to him and pushed Renji from me with the other. I tried to speak again but was still incapable so I gestured to them to introduced themselves to each other. I’d never been in a more awkward situation. 

They faced each other once more. Renji spoke first. “I am Renji Abarai Vice-Captain of Division Six of the Gotei Thirteen Court Guard Squads. And Ciani’s a rúnsearc.”

My eyes shot open in shock. He did not just say that? Why had he said it right now? They’d just stopped fighting. 

Tiarrh stood with his arms folded over his chest for a moment then smirked as he had when activating chéad eisiúint. “And I am Tiarrh Síochánta from the Taisech Comhlacht Síochánta. Príomh Múinteoir to Chéad Aicme, Rófhéinní of the Spéir and Ciani’s life-long trainer, mentor, companion and,” he actually paused for effect, “her betrothed for the last forty-two years.” 

Egads, really?! I could not believe Tiarrh has felt such dramatics were required. It was so unlike him. But I had to remind myself he’d never had a rival for my attention nor affection. He was in unknown territory and he honestly did not know how to proceed. I found his insecurity slightly adorable and amusing enough I chuckled a little. Unfortunately, that caused me to choke up blood again. For the first time Tiarrh took in his surrounds. He called to the first ceannasaí he noticed to fetch Eadbhárd. 

I shook my head. “Can’t,” I managed to spit out over the slowing presence of blood. “Aicme sealed. My orders. Battle damage contained. Look.” 

Neither of them had noticed and the shock and disgust that crossed Tiarrh’s face saddened me. Thatching was missing, sections of walls had collapsed. Though I’d commanded everyone but the ceannasaí to quarters all level members of Chéad Aicme had spilled out of their barracks during the fight as they had not been safe as I’d hoped. Tiarrh began issuing orders to counter mine. The seal was lowered and he found himself having to calm our Aicme and the members of Comhairle who stalked in demanding answers. Eadbhárd, not surprisingly, was already present and he and Tiarrh’s parents managed to convince the rest of the Comhairle that now was not the time. 

As they reached an agreeable course of action I had a moment to focus upon myself. I moved and found myself able to stand. I lifted my arm and wiped the blood from my mouth with my sleeve. My hand moved in front of my face and I froze totally horror struck. It had an oh so pale red tinge and dark streaks that looked more like unwashed dirt to it. Tiarrh was occupied so my eyes sought Renji and found him instantly. He’d been observing the proceedings knowing he could do nothing. I stared at him a moment and right as he was about to ask me why I had such an expression upon my face, his mirrored mine as he noticed my hand. 

“Abarai,” I called out, the voice my own but layered with a deep harsh guttural one.  


“No!” he screamed in reply. 

There was an explosion of pain in my head and I felt myself falling, and falling. Just and only falling.


	19. Pineapple Rings

Images swam through my head; my arrival in the seireitei, Hanataro’s smile, the initial fight with the hollow, a conversation with Mayuri, Renji’s expression as he turned his back on me, Tiarrh’s disappointment in me. Then Kisuke’s face, followed by his voice in an amusing tone, “Not quite yet.” 

I blinked my eyes open and immediately started to struggle as I felt my arms pinned tight behind my back. I found myself staring at Mairead’s spiorad chomhrac pointed toward me. Tiarrh, holding ainneonach heagraí, was yelling at everyone to just stop. Renji stood next to me, his expression an amalgamation of anger and fear and he was staring at me. He too was being held at sword point. Something in my mind kept telling me to look down. Once I’d taken in my surroundings I did so, then wished I hadn’t.  


Eadbhárd lay before me unconscious, blood was pouring from a wound in his chest that I knew I, with the hollow using me, had caused. Even if others from Naoú Acime had accompanied him, none of them worked as quickly as he. I found Renji’s eyes and moved mine quickly from Eadbhárd’s dying form and back to his allowing mine to gape open pleading. He sighed and nodded. Renji’s kido was hideous but it was enough distraction for him to break loose and snatch Zabimaru from his captor. I was fairly positive he’d never activated shikai that fast. Once again he became a threat and I was released. I immediately knelt beside Eadbhárd desperately trying to gather fuinneamh anam to utilize the healing chant Hanataro had taught me all that time ago. Thinking I was doing further damage Tiarrh lifted me and started to drag me away despite my screaming that I was helping.  


My hands were bound with rope this time. I desperately searched for Renji. Completely surrounded by fully armed Chéad Aicme ceannasaí he was overwhelmed. This time they had no reason to imprison him. He fell before me in an explosion of bloody wounds caused by half a dozen spiorad chomhrac. Even wounded fatally he continued his attempt to reach me. That’s when Tiarrh stalked over, and using ainneonach heagraí, because it was expeditive and easier to unsheathe, beheaded him. I collapsed to the ground screaming. I took his body into my arms ignoring all the blood as it seeped into my own clothing. I wept hysterically as I felt my body start to rock itself in comfort.  


I heard a voice speaking my name softly but urgently. My body was still rocking. “Ciani, please wake up,” begged the voice. Abarai. 

It felt like something was holding onto my eyelids trying to keep them shut. I fought them open. I was in my room. I was in my bed. Renji sat next to me with his feet on the floor. He’d been trying to rouse me. It took a moment for my foggy mind to process. Renji sat next to me. Whole and alive! My whole being surged with relief and I threw my arms around him. I moved back just a little to look at him. He stared at me in befuddlement and I embraced him once more. He moved then just enough to barely separate our bodies. His mouth found mine and was kissing me hungrily, as if he wanted to devour me then and there. Like with Tiarrh my body’s reaction was instantaneous and more potent than I wanted. I had to push him back gently and break the kiss. Here and now was not a good idea. 

We both started to speak at once and had no idea what had been said. He sat silent waiting for me. “What happened outside?” I asked. I had to know why I was here in my quarters alone with Renji. Tiarrh had every reason, more really, to take him into custody as he had me. 

He sighed heavily before responding. That meant he knew I wasn’t going to like the answer. He told me that my expression had just glazed over and like with my hand there was just a hint of the hollow’s glowing eyes within mine. Because Tiarrh was involved with commanding Chéad Aicme, and others that came in to assess the damage and repairs, he hadn’t immediately noticed. Renji mentioned Tiarrh was speaking closely with a brown haired younger woman. I assumed this was his sister Aisling from Tríú Aicme. Eadbhárd reached me before anything else could happen and sedated me, leaving Renji to bear my limp body. Though aware of my situation and angered that he was unable to delegate any of his responsibilities, Tiarrh nodded at Eadbhárd who then showed Renji to my quarters and left us there. 

“He told me you’d wake up on your own, but that hasn’t made me any more comfortable.” He moved to stroke my hair but caught his hand midair. “Looks like your loft in the sanctuary,” he noted trying to remove the focus of the conversation. 

I smiled lightly. “Is it…” 

“Everything there is just fine,” he said cutting me off. “Better than fine. In fact, Captain Unohana specifically tasked Hanataro with its care once you were…”

I nodded. Good. Let that light continue to glow providing some glimmer of hope. Perhaps it would grow into something more widespread than just a plot of Inuzuri. And if anyone could keep that hope alive and that light aglow it was Hanataro. I sighed forcing myself to bury a wave of emotion. Such a rare creature to be such an endless ball of positivity. He was such a joy for so very many of my days in the seireitei. 

I shifted to a full sitting position with my back against the wall. I looked at him once more. He seemed – tired. I closed my eyes for a moment then opened them again. Time to ask the question. “Renji, why – how – are you here?! Once you stepped through the senkaimon at the shoten,” I paused trying to find words that would hopefully not hurt him, “I was sure that was the end of things. I had asked you to let me go.”

I tried as best I could to clarify for him why I’d kept my life here from him. A reiteration of what I’d said to Tiarrh. I did not think I still had such attachments here. Even so I was still concerned with what Renji’s reaction would be. In cowardly fashion I said nothing. I’d thought I’d never see him again but here he was and I could no longer withhold anything. I told him about my life here before he and I met, and just what my involvement with Tiarrh had been. I told him about my time in Division Twelve and Mayuri. I told him about my decision to remain in the seireitei that had been ruined by the attack. 

He looked at me and a flood of emotion crossed his face. It settled somewhere between sheepish and regret. “I had let you go, so I thought. When those words came out of your mouth I swear I felt something freeze up and break inside. I went back to the seireitei trying to decide what to do. I ended up at Captain Kuchiki’s door. Who else would understand that kind of crushing loss?” 

I flinched. Of course it had been. I’d hurt both of them so very deeply. It was careless and inexcusable. 

“We spoke for I don’t even know how long it was,” he continued. “Spent a couple of days trying to focus, trying to resume my duties. I couldn’t. I wanted answers and there was only one way and one place to get them. So I returned to the shoten only to have Kisuke tell me that even after all we’d done to it the hollow was already influencing you again and he’d had to send you on your way. I begged him for two days to let me go. He finally relented and told me he couldn’t guarantee I’d actually arrive in the Spéir since all he could do was align the senkaimon to you. He told me once I stepped though I needed to follow the reaitsu. I did, and here I am. Guess it worked.” 

I blinked. “Renji, that’s been nearly three months ago when I left. Even if the spatial difference between the Spéir and seireitei is a week, and I still don’t think it is that different, that’s still two months. Was one of the many things Mayuri was working on that when I got attacked. We didn’t have a firm number, so I cannot be sure. We also hadn't decided just how significant the difference between the dangai and spás i idir is. When I went through it was like any other trip, just moments. And then follow what reiatsu? It’s similar and the source is the same but reiatsu and fuinneamh anam are not the same, but you already know that.” 

He glared at me. He stood up from the bed, his expression changed to concern and I could feel his apprehension rise. “I…assumed it was you. I can feel it. It’s in this room. If it’s not you…” 

I shook my head in disbelief. No. But there could be no other answer. I crawled out of bed and knelt on the floor beside it. I pulled a basket from under my bed where I’d placed the shihakushō. I reached into the gap between components and removed the postcard. I stood up and I handed it over to Renji. 

“Yeah! This is exactly what I’ve been following. But it’s wavering. Oh, There’s a small tear.” He unfolded it, read it then looked at me questioning. He started to hand it back but the card suddenly glowed very brightly then completely evaporated. 

“Kisuke fucking Urahara!” I screamed, then flopped back onto my bed. I explained to him about Urahara’s deceptive hug and stashing the folded postcard in my obi. “He knew you’d return to follow me and gave you the exact means to do so. 

“When I first discovered the postcard my initial thought was to destroy it, but instead like with the shihakushō decided to keep it for personal reasons. This was your beacon and I’d damaged it. And now I know what took you so long. You’ve been lost in the spás i idir. If I had torn the card up you might have been stuck there for good.” 

“Kisuke fucking Urahara!” He yelled echoing my sentiment. 

That was when Tiarrh walked into my room. “What did Merlin do this time?” he inquired. He walked over to my bed and placed my spiorad chomhrac across my lap.

Renji cocked an eyebrow at me. “Merlin?” 

I explained to Tiarrh what I surmised about how Renji managed to travel directly into the Spéir when I’d only been able to reach the Mound. There was really no other possibility. It took much longer to summarize for Renji who and what Merlin was, and that Kisuke had not denied my assertion. I did not, however, tell Renji about my postulation regarding just how much influence Kisuke had concerning Ichigo. That saga had only just begun and Renji needed to be burdened with nothing else. 

I looked at Tiarrh who had sat at the table across from my bed. “I assume from what Renji told me Aisling is overseeing our repairs?” 

He sighed before speaking. “Yes. She gave me an earful about it. ” 

“The Comhairle?” I asked. 

“Placated for now but demanding a full assembly.”

Trying to keep him from feeling completely out of place I informed Renji that our Comhairle was similar in function and demeanor to Central 46 in the seireitei. He nodded. “Needless conversations about the existence of what they can plainly see with their own eyes, making decisions for others who are just as if not more capable.”

Tiarrh chuckled. I found Renji and I both staring at him. “Quite an apt observation, Abarai.” He paused for a moment, then looked up at Renji. “Unfortunately, our positions demand Ciani and I both be part and parcel to it all and this assembly will also include you.”  


Renji gaped at him a moment then turned to me for a response. “They’re going to do precisely as you said,” I replied. “Talk. They’ll want to know who and what you are and where you came from, as if it weren’t obvious. Like the Gotei did of me they will want you gone and I can only assume we will face the same issue as our gateways are not compatible. And that has been explained to them as well. They’ll debate for ages over placing you in custody and imprisoning you. None of that matters because I just do not care! If I have to threaten them with leaving permanently this time I will!”

“Cee,” came Tiarrh’s baritone as a warning. 

“What?! This is an individual and a situation like nothing they’ve faced before. They have never faced a hollow before. No one has faced a hollow like this one. Kisuke even said it ‘concerned’ him. Renji and I have already been through this once with the Gotei. I am not doing it again!” I walked to Tiarrh and put my hands upon his. “You are the only individual in the whole Spéir capable of dealing with this thing and talking to it is not how to go about it.” 

Tiarrh moved his hands to envelop mine. I felt Renji’s reiryoku flare. “You know what you’re asking of me? You expect me to awaken and unleash laoch gan staonadh upon you? I never did that training you.” 

Renji half growled. “She’s asking you to do what has to be done. I have already fought this thing once. If Ciani had not layered ainneonach heagraí with Zabimaru she’d already be gone! It wanted to be here! It wants knowledge of this place. It said so. It must be stopped here.” He paused and swallowed hard. “Even at the cost neither of us want to pay.” 

I released Tiarrh’s hand long enough to grasp one of Renji’s then pull him toward the table. I put my free hand back into Tiarrh’s. My heart was pounding. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. I looked at Tiarhh then Renji. “Reni’s right. I will need both of you for this. The Spéir will endure, Tiarrh. You know this. This thing is manifesting and influencing me far sooner than I anticipated. And far more easily.” 

I explained to both of them about how I’d seen the anam when I was apprehended was warped by the hollow. That my reaction to what happened between Tiarrh and I had been warped by the hollow. And the most telling, the technique I used to end their fight had totally been the influence of the hollow. I wasn’t sure I could ever replicate what it had done. Renji joined me in imparting what fighting with it had been like. Everything Renji said was the solid truth. It wanted to be in the Spéir to learn even more firsthand than it could simply from my memories. From what I’d learned in the seireitei hollows had no master, but this one spoke as if there was some greater goal, some one or some thing it needed to impart this information to. Then, for whatever reason the damned thing got stronger because of Renji. Either his presence, my feelings toward him or a combination of the two, but each moment I totally lost myself to it, Renji had been the catalyst. 

Tiarrh started to argue about how what we needed to do then was to expedite sending Renji back to the seireitei if only to buy us time. I countered that trying to buy time is what nearly cost me my life once before. The time had come for me to share my thoughts on what I felt the only solution truly was. One that had first occurred to me in the seireitei and solidified once I came home. 

“I have to go to the Well Tiarrh.” I stated. “And I am taking Renji with me.”


	20. Pineapple Juice

18.  
Not unexpectedly Tiarrh bolted to his feet. “Absolutely not!” he bellowed. He rambled on about rules and traditions. So many reasons he felt Renji should never be allowed. I thought for sure with what had only just happened someone would come running in but that thankfully never happened. Eventually he quieted, paced the room a few times then sat down again but much harder this time. “I’m not swaying you from this am I? I _**can**_ forbid you.” 

“But you won’t. It angers you and makes you feel helpless and vulnerable to the point of madness. Don’t look like that. Abarai faced far worse watching for weeks as it took me piece by piece unable to do anything to stop it until it was almost too late. What did you think I meant when I mentioned that their Soul King could but wouldn’t?”

He sighed. “I understand that, but why have him accompany you? He knows nothing of the Tuath Dé. It’s dangerous enough for one of us. They’re unpredictable.”

“I honestly do not know. I just know he must. Since the encounter within I have felt that he must go. Him and no other. In the end, any of us from any realm - dimension - whatever word you wish to choose, we’re all reapers; shuttling the anam who lose their way into them and protecting them. We’re all the same. It’s what we do, and what we are. He’ll be in no more danger facing Her than I. 

“Let us go now, while the Comhairle is chaotic about this event and focused upon repairs to Chéad Aicme. I know you don’t want to. I can see in your eyes that you want to refuse, and that is precisely why you must not. Trust not just my words but trust in me Tiarrh. This is not a mistake.” 

He moved to stand in front of me and gripped my shoulders tight. “Three days! I’ll give you three days and then I will come after you. Who I arrive as will be the choice of the Comhairle and not mine.”

I pulled away exasperated. “You know She doesn’t work that way! I cannot…” 

“Three days!” Tiarrh stated firmly then turned on his heels. “Don’t neglect that He might hear your call as well or worse instead.” He paused at the door and left.

I slammed my fist on the table. Dammit Tiarrh! Such unyielding obstinance! Poor Renji. He’d had to stand there silently having no clue what I’d just pulled him into. Unfortunately, there was no time and I would have to explain what I could on the way. 

“What did he mean ‘who I arrive as’?” Renji asked. 

“He meant if he arrives as himself, my friend and our ally or if he arrives as Rófhéinní agent of the Spéir. We need to go, but there is one thing and you are going to _**hate**_ it.” He looked at me saying with his eyes there wasn’t much else I could surprise him with. “You have to leave Zabimaru here.” 

He blinked several times and kept seeming as though he was going to say something. Without argument, he slid Zabi from his obi and handed it to me. I was honestly awestruck. He hadn’t argued and he trusted me enough to place his zanpakuto into my keeping. I almost hugged him. No, Ciani don’t let those feelings weigh on you now. I took ainneonach heagraí in hand as well and put them both across the basket with my shihakushō and slid them all back under my bed. 

“That easy?” I asked. 

He gave an uneasy smile. “No. I already know you’re not giving me a choice. Plus, I am as much an outsider here as you were in the seireitei. Do I want to argue? Sure! He just said we’d be facing danger and you’re asking me to go unarmed. But do I trust you have reasons? Of course. And I assume you’re going to explain.”

I nodded. “Yeah but we need to go now. We’ll talk on the way.”

Getting out of my quarters was easy. The Aicme was occupied. Sneaking through the grounds of Chéad Aicme unnoticed was very difficult. Fortunately, I knew each and every inch of the place and was aware of where the blind spots were. Dashing through the Taisech ring was easier but I still had to be cautious. Once out in the open headed toward the fields and pens I began to explain. I started with the Tuath Dé in general, who and what they were to us. There really was no separating the tale of Boann and the Well of Segais so I had to tell it to him all together. 

The Well of Segais, known more commonly as Connla’s Well, was the well of knowledge and poetic inspiration. Nine sacred hazel trees of wisdom surrounded the well, blooming and fruiting all within moments of one another. Partaking of the hazelnuts that fell into the well, sipping the water after the hazelnuts fell in, or eating the salmon that swam about the well who then ate the hazelnuts was said to impart the individual with said knowledge and inspiration. I told him I could not speak to the truth of this, for while the trees did indeed grow, flower and fruit about the well I nor no one I knew had ever done so. 

The other Tiarrh spoke of was her husband Nechtan. Only Nechtan himself and his three cup-bearers were allowed to even approach the well much less take from it. Boann found this far too restrictive and challenged the power of the well and in a ceremony she was able to call forth the water but it surged and spilled out into an enormous flood that was said to have created the River Boyne itself. When Boann died in the catastrophic flooding that created the River Boyne she, in a manner of speaking, became the matriarchal guardian of the Spéir. She was forever bound to the water she sought to master that took her life. Stories were that she could be brought forth and spoken to. It was my hope once I explained my plight she could at least impart the knowledge I required to excise the hollow, and a near dreaming wish that she would assist in the endeavor upon being made aware of the danger it posed not just to the Spéir but also the Well. 

_“And when the sun sets dimmed in eve, and purple fills the air_  
_I think the sacred hazel-tree is dropping berries there,_  
_From starry fruitage, waved aloft where Connla's Well o'erflows;  
__For sure, the immortal waters run through every wind that blows.”___

_____ _

____

“What was that?” Renji asked. 

I smiled. “It’s a poem, from the human world. ‘The Nuts of Knowledge’ by a man named George Russell,” I replied as we kept walking. “Our library is rather extensive.” I watched him out of the corner of my eye a little. He seemed very deep in thought. I couldn’t blame him. Once again I’d dropped a huge amount of information upon him. 

“Hmmmm,” he mused, “nine trees huh? Like your nine Aicme.” 

I stopped in my tracks so suddenly I almost stumbled. I looked him in the eyes knowing I was displaying shock. The Well did not come up in casual conversation. The reality he’d just stated had never occurred to me and I told him so. I found the idea fascinating and probable. “Each Aicme has a different purpose. I’ll have to remember to ask Eadbhárd at some point.” 

We continued walking, as the well was a fair distance from the Spéir in the woods to the northeast. We didn’t speak again until we almost reached the tiny clearing. “We’re almost there. Now whatever happens do not,” I stated and turned to look at him, “and I mean this, Renji, no quips, no smart-ass commentary, do not say anything unless She speaks to you first.”

He blinked at me with an expression that was trying to say he was an innocent little flower, but the glimmer in his eyes said otherwise. “I understand,” he replied. His face suddenly hardened and his expression grew very serious. “No, honestly I do. The fucking hollow told me before I was out of my depth. I admit it.” Hesitantly he took my hands in his. He choked a little before continuing. “You made me promise, and whatever comes of it, I will keep it. I will not give up. I will see this done. I said it before and I’ll say it now, once more, so you can hear and see the truth of it. I will do what needs to be done even if it means doing that one thing that will haunt me and I will regret the rest of my days.”

I drew myself to him and wrapped my arms around him. I bit my tongue hard enough to draw blood to keep myself from crying. Of course he wouldn’t say that he would kill me. How could he? I’d have broken if he had. ‘Love struck jackass,’ I thought to myself but was unsure which of the two of us I meant. I sighed. This seemed the best time. I slowly moved my hand up his back to the nape of his neck then close to his ear and proceeded to snatch a few hairs from his head.

He quickly pushed me away. “Ow! What the hell?” he demanded. 

“We’ll need these,” I answered. “Here,” I said tilting my head toward him, “your turn.” He did so much more slowly and painfully than was necessary. 

I took the ends of our hair and pinched them between my thumb and forefinger. I handed the other end to Renji and indicated he should do the same. I had him remain still as I twisted our hair together making a rudimentary thread. I took the thread and made a very crude triquetra with it. He watched me the whole time curious and confused. 

“Payment of sorts,” I told him. “So She knows we’re serious.” 

A few dozen more steps and we were there. Stone walled well about three feet high. The wood frame that supported the winder and crank as well as the thatched roof looked so ancient and splintered that they might fall apart at any moment. I knew better. 

“This?” he asked. “I was expecting something more grand and – less - old.” 

I glared at him. “What did I just finish telling you about smart ass comments?!” I insisted. “For that – _**you**_ can bring the bucket up!”

He looked at me quizzically. I knew what he had to be thinking. I’d asked him to do something immensely easy as a ‘punishment’ for his remark. Hopefully this would get him to understand. This wasn’t a well like any he had seen nor heard of. I stood with my hands across my chest waiting. He stepped to the crank, took it in hand, and nothing happened. He strained a few times trying to get the simple machine to move and it wouldn’t. This continued for some time. He kept straining and grunting and fighting with it but it would not budge. He altered his grip one last time and right in the middle of another attempt there was a gargantuan wave of fuinneamh anam that rushed up out of the well that surrounded him and knocked him several feet away. Before he could get up I approached the well silently and took the crank in hand. Easily the rope began to coil about the log and soon the bucket was within reach. I drew it to me, dropped the triquetra in, the carefully sent it back down again. By then Renji was at my side once more. 

Right as he was about to speak I gently placed a finger over his lips. “Hush,” I whispered. “Just wait and watch.” 

Several minutes passed and just when I thought Renji would lose his patience, the ground shook. He jumped back not knowing what to expect and I sighed in relief. We’d at least been allowed the passage to the grotto. Just on the other side of the stone wall from where I stood stone steps curved downward into the ground. I stepped to the edge and without even looking toward him held out my hand to him. When I felt his fingers entwine with my own we began the descent. We’d gone a few dozen or more steps when there was another slight tremor and I knew it was the opening sealing itself once more. The only way we’d be getting out was if we were allowed. 

The illusion of piled stones gave way to a solid wall of stone to our right and there was a fuzzy glow toward the bottom. Several more steps and the glow below us grew brighter. Two more twists and we reached the ground. And ground it was. The rich, damp, peaty scent almost made me shiver. The small patch of dirt gave way to marshy grasses filled with flowers; mismín mionsach, redshank, winter heliotrope, fluellin, spleenwort, autumn hawkbit, I could have spent ages identifying them all. A representation of the whole of Ireland and of each season. A moss covered stone path appeared as we approached. I sighed in relief once more. We could continue on to the Well. 

Along the path we passed a couple of what I knew to be perpetually young willow trees. “This is just like where I found you,” Renji stated quietly. “This is why you used it as the refuge in your inner world isn’t it?” 

I nodded. “It was as close to replica as I could remember. It was hazy, like a dream, at the time, but now being here the memory of this place is totally clear.” 

“You didn’t tell me you’d been here before.”

My hand reflexively tightened on his. “It was a _**very**_ long time ago. I was still a child. The experience was…”

I trailed off as the Hazelnuts appeared then. Tall, strong, powerful and absolutely pregnant with nuts. A few more steps we stood at the Well itself. Well was actually a misnomer as it was really a large open pool that constantly seeped over creating the flower marsh we’d passed through. I released his hand and began disrobing.  


I could sense Renji’s unease and looked at him over my shoulder. “You too. I didn’t have you accompany me just for entertainment.” 

I saw questions form in his expression but instead of speaking them he simply complied. Once we were both naked, I took his hand in mine again. “Jump!” I ended up basically pulling him along with me. The water overtook us and I lost my grip on his hand. I tried, knowing it was a useless gesture, to find his hand again. That’s when the voices started. So many – _**too many**_. Each one in varying tones, speeds and languages spewing forth all the knowledge of the whole of existence. I felt myself trying to make for the surface just to end the mental assault but that too was useless as an unseen force drug me further down. Right as my body was responding to the illusion of the beginnings of drowning, very quietly I heard the one voice I’d been hoping for rise above the others. It seemed as though I was wrapped in Her embrace and I found myself relaxing. 

Unfortunately, that’s when Tiarrh’s warning came to fruition. I cowered from the sensation of anger and betrayal toward what held me. Renji! I tried to move but found I could not. That’s when, once again, I felt the most horrid pain in existence, as if my skull was being cracked and pulled apart like one of the nuts so far above me. Everything I’d done and seen since last being here seeped out of me and dispersed into the water. Sheer moments later I was being forced back to the surface. I now knew what to do. It would crush me and probably totally destroy him this time, but for whatever reason Renji had been the catalyst the whole time. I would have to provoke the Hollow by agitating Renji. Here in the Spéir there was only one exceptional way to do that. 

I resurfaced right where we’d stood. I forced the water out of my hair and blinked it out of my eyes. Renji lay on the path dry and re-clothed in his shihakushō. There were bruises on his face and arms, and I had to assume elsewhere on his body, that were fading quickly. Foolish man. I’d warned him to not be so headstrong. But then he wouldn’t be Renji Abarai otherwise. I dressed quickly and knelt beside him. When I touched his face his eyes popped open, and before I could even think to counter, he grabbed my wrist and pinned my arm behind my back. I held my tongue in my teeth to hold the pain completely inside until he was fully aware. Once he was he was fully aware he was voicing far too fast, almost stuttering apologies. I expressed to him it was unneeded and that since we were both expelled from the Well we needed to retreat to the stairs and back to the Spéir. 

Renji didn’t shed what was clearly apprehension once we reached the old well’s façade. I would ask him about his experience, however here and now wasn’t the time nor place to have that conversation. We’d not passed out of the clearing when I felt it. Renji must have too because his expression only grew more pensive. Right where the clearing gave way to wild forest again Tiarrh stood, like a rock solid statue, dressed exactly as he had been when he initially apprehended me, with his arms folded over his chest. This did not bode well but I was not going to allow him nor any decision of the Comhairle deter me. This was as much for them as it was me. 

“I have to talk to you!” Renji and I both called out to him in unison.


	21. Pineapple Upside-Down Cake

It was the fifth day and the Comhairle was once again trying to dictate my actions, and abusing Tiarrh’s position to do so. He and I spent the entire time walking back to the inner rings arguing about rules and traditions and the ramifications of ignoring them and the necessity of flexibility when encountering the unfamiliar. Renji walked along beside us brooding the entire way. How he held his tongue was astounding to me. Tiarrh was being infuriating even for Tiarrh. Renji had fought the hollow side by side with me. He knew beyond a doubt what we were facing. One more voice might have subdued Tiarrh’s arguments at least. By the time we reached my quarters he still refused to yield. 

“Why will you not accept I am trying to protect the Spéir as well as myself?!” I demanded. “If I leave the only solution would be to allow the hollow its goal and kill it with whatever’s left of me in the process! It must be done here, this way, if you want me to remain me! They’re not aware of what hollows and specifically what this one can and wants to do. It’s their own fault for not taking diplomatic measures before now. Their whole argument is based solely on fear of the unknown and their stubbornness is irrational.” 

“You cannot keep sidestepping their authority, Ciani!” he bellowed right back. 

“If they would just listen I wouldn’t have to!”

“You’ve put my entire family’s position at risk.”

“No! No, _**they**_ have chosen to sink to threats like a child in a tantrum! You know I am not lying. You know what needs to be done. That we’re even having this argument should be telling enough. She gave us access and then released us. When was the last time that happened?!” 

“That’s another thing. Do you have any idea how furious they are that you went to the Well without their awareness much less permission?! They’re accusing me just as surely for letting you.” 

“SHUT UP!” a voice growled across the room. It worked as it caught us both unawares we did shut up. Renji. “This isn’t helping! You!” He pointed at me. “Let me have Zabimaru. And You!” He pointed at Tiarrh. “Wait outside. I’ll be right there.” His tone softened considerably while addressing Tiarrh. 

I started to argue but Renji held his hand up at me. “No! No more! Not at me - not at him! You’re done!” I got hit with the acidic again. 

I swallowed hard, retrieved Zabi from under my bed, and tossed it at him. He glared at me in return. After sliding the weapon back into his obi he was quickly out the door. I would have followed but I heard their carefully muted voices moving away from my room. I half growled - half screamed then slammed my fists into the wall next to my bed. I was the one with a raging hollow inside and everyone was against me. 

“Why don’t you give this a try instead,” a firm voice from the door suggested. Mairead. She was holding a tray nearly overflowing with food and she had a sealed pitcher hooked on a finger. “I think there’s enough of Chéad Aicme under repair currently.”

I nodded. I was hungry. I realized I’d not eaten since Renji arrived. She put the tray and the crock on the table. She sat and I moved to join her. “Thank you. I needed food.” 

“That’s not all you need. You need an adjudicator.” She chuckled. “I wasn’t attempting to eavesdrop, and you know that. I was already on my way with this and heard most of what was said. Ciani, I’ve been patient. I’ve accepted what quips and pieces I’ve been given from Tiarrh and Eadbhárd and what’s filtered down from the Comhairle. We’ve not spoken, you and I, not once since your arrival at the Mound. What the bloody hells is going on?!” 

There was desperation in her voice. Anyone could tell she was choking back tears. Like Tiarrh had been, she was hurt and angry because she had no idea what happened. I should have made time for her. I couldn’t think why I hadn’t. Wasn’t like me to be so neglectful. 

Mairead was always a friend even when I resented the idea of athsholáthair even being necessary. Either I was trusted to be An Roghnaithe or I was not. She was trained as I but not quite as harsh and not under Tiarrh’s direct tutelage. Raised and trained for a position she may never undertake she became an oifigeach of Chéad Aicme with Tiarrh the only one holding rank above her. But even she could only understand to a degree what differences had be forced upon us. Like with Tiarrh she had grown to be only athsholáthair. I was just going through the motions with everyone and everything before my journey to the seireitei and I hadn’t really noticed. 

I nibbled at a few things then decided it was best to begin where I had with Tiarrh a few weeks ago. I started my tale from the moment I stepped out of the senkaimon. All I held back was just how much of myself I’d handed over to Mayuri in agreement for his assistance and imparting answers to the questions I posed. No one was to know the full extent except he and I. We ate as I spoke. She never diverted her attention or interrupted me. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. I didn’t attempt to mask or hide any of my emotions so there were a few times I had to stop to dry my eyes and refocus. By the time I was done she was still sitting in silence staring at me. 

“Hell of a mess you made for yourself,” she said stifling a giggle. “No wonder you let me beat the crap outta ya.” 

“Thanks,” I stated glibly. “Don’t think it will happen again.” 

She stood up, walked behind me and hugged me tight about the shoulders. “It had best not!”

I closed my eyes and clutched onto her arms just as tight. Here I was, a living cliché. I’d almost lost everything and that brought it all back. The tears we’d both been suppressing began falling. Right then Tiarrh stepped in. Seeing he’d interrupted the moment he turned to retreat. 

“No, don’t leave because of me,” Mairead stated. “We’re done – for now.” She looked me in the eyes before heading out the door. 

“That took long enough.” Tiarrh noted. 

I found a chunk of uneaten bread and tossed it at his head. He caught it, looked at it, took a bite, then tossed it back at me. 

“Shut up!” I retorted. “Where’s Renji?” 

His tree branch arms folded across his chest and he glared at me. “Which is it you want? Me to shut up or to answer your question?” 

I hurled the bread back at his head. He caught it once more then finished eating it this time. “He’s in the training hall,” Tiarrh replied over the mouthful of bread. “He has a lot on his mind.” 

“Nechtan came for Renji at the Well, didn’t he? I felt such rage, such a sense of intense betrayal… And he was covered in bruises when I surfaced.” 

Tiarrh only nodded. “He hasn’t spoken of it with you, so it’s not my place to do so. He will if he so chooses.” He sat across from me and picked at what Mairead and I hadn’t consumed, which wasn’t much. What he didn’t say spoke volumes. Renji _**had**_ discussed it – with Tiarrh. “You said you needed to speak with me.” 

I took a long deep breath. How to express what needed to be said without seeing his dour mood return? I decided to ask instead. “Are you still angry with me?” 

He looked up at me with just his eyes and held mine for quite some time. His head rose very slowly before he spoke. “Useless,” was his reply. “I am supposed to be the protector of the Spéir. And of you both personally and your position. From the moment you first stepped into the spás i idir away from me that’s what I’ve been – useless. Yes, some of it has been aimed at you because of you, but my anger is about this whole fucking forsaken situation! And the only thing it seems I can assist with is the one thing I know I cannot do!” He pounded his fists into his thighs. 

“Tiarrh, mo caomhnóir, stop it please,” I begged. “That’s what I needed to discuss with you. I know what needs to happen to permanently remove and destroy this thing. But neither you nor Renji is going to like it. Him especially.”

I moved and knelt in front of him placing my hands gently upon his. It always made me feel so damn tiny. He let me stay there for a few seconds then his hands moved to my ribs and he lifted me up and he hugged me tight. He set me on his lap when he felt able to release me. “You haven’t called me ‘mo caomhnóir‘ since you were a child.” 

I rested my head upon his chest. “Doesn’t mean I stopped thinking of you that way. I always knew I’d be safe, and any hardship I faced would fall because I always had you and your faith in me.” 

He kissed the top of my head. “So what is going to be so terrible?” 

So I told him. His spine went rigid and I knew his jaw set. His heartbeat sped up. His hands tightened into fists and released twice. It was a much more controlled response than I expected. I explained that the hollow was basically asleep since the Well but that condition would not last long. Since it knew what I knew I had to tell him everything that was shown to me, and what actions we had to take. Each time the hollow had overtaken me and I’d attacked others my emotions regarding Renji had been the catalyst. We would have to seem as though we were still a couple, Renji and I, in private but in public working on a solution to return us to the seireitei. Once convinced, Tiarrh would have to intercede, basically re-playing everything we’d just experienced with their conflict over and about me to have the hollow believe I was too weak to handle the challenge of dealing with either of them. The hollow would have to be allowed to surface and I would have to fight inside as I had before to retain just the tiniest fraction of myself. At that moment Renji, Tiarrh and all the ceannasaí of Chéad Aicme would have to bind it/me. At the same time to keep it from its goal Renji would have to be sent through the gateway back to the seireitei as I/it was taken to the Well. For only there could it be cleansed, excised from me fully and me made whole again if I survived the process and my body wasn’t just left an empty shell as it had been at the shoten. 

“You wouldn’t have to worry about releasing laoch gan staonadh upon me at all,” I said calmly. 

His hands came to my waist and lifted me from his lap so he could stand. “No, because it would be like you were dead already!” 

I sighed. So fatalistic. It was almost endearing. “I kept it at bay for months, Tiarrh. You were wondering why I chose that word. Again, I ask you to keep and bear that faith in me. That this hardship too will fall. You taught me, showed me my strength remember? I fought it to a standstill with Renji at my side. How can we possibly fail if I have both of you?” 

His breathing was hard and heavy. One of his palms slapped the doorframe and he leaned upon it until the other came to rest parallel. “It’s not your strength I doubt,” he whispered. He turned around and fell to his knees before me his arms desperately wrapping around me nearly crushing me. My hand instinctively moved to his head stroking it soothingly. I’d put him through so much and was asking so much more. But there was an end close at hand. 

He startled me when his head came up and he pulled me down once more. Like at the glade his mouth found mine and his kiss was as a starving man sating himself before fasting once more. Which was what was happening. His kisses didn’t weaken but they became no more than that. When he finally did stop and he stood once more we were both panting and gasping. 

“I’ll return to the living quarters in Naoú Acime,” he said as he moved to the door. “I will not, however, relinquish my duties with Chéad again, so the conflict you’re counting on may happen before you’re ready. What you ask of me...” 

As he reached for the handle the door opened. Renji. Tiarrh’s fists clenched and released again. Renji slipped quickly into the room and Tiarrh stalked out. I shuddered when I heard him growl from a few feet away. 

“What was...” Renji started to ask. 

I couldn’t cast it aside any longer. Too many times I’d been roused and had to ignore. I stepped toward Renji, grabbed the folds of his shihakushō and kissed him with the same fervor Tiarrh had shown me. He kept trying to evade and ask me what was happening but I didn’t care. By the time I had him out of his kosode and juban and was biting at his neck, shoulders, and chest, he quit caring as well. Want had overtaken both of us and that was all that mattered; stoking then quenching the flames that threatened to consume us utterly. 

I woke before he did and because I didn’t want to wake him, slowly and carefully, splayed his lovely crimson hair out upon the pillow as I watched him sleep. After hours in the training hall and a few more with me his sleep was peaceful and deep. Not that I didn’t already have them committed to memory, I found myself filled with the urge to trace each and every one of his tattoos with a finger so I could assure myself they’d not be forgotten. Would it be days or weeks? I closed my eyes and forced myself to choke back tears. No, these last moments could not be sorrowful. Suddenly I felt his arms snake around me and pull me next to him. 

I giggled. Getting Renji Abarai out of bed was like coaxing a hibernating bear from a den. “Nope, not happening,” I said softly. “You’re awake so that means it’s time to get up.” 

I turned over so I could look at him. He peeked at me with just one barely cracked open eye. “You’re evil and sadistic,” he said stuffing his head under a pillow. I giggled louder. “Hateful morning person!” 

I laughed openly at that as I stood and yanked the covers from the bed. “Thus far you’ve only seen the – unpleasant face of the Spéir. Let me show you it has far more than that.” 

He sat up slowly yawning and stretching the whole time. His hair fell down his shoulders and back and across his chest. I sighed. That was a sight I never wearied of. He stood and groggily searched for the pieces of his shihakushō. He dressed as I made the bed. As I was gathering the pieces of my own outfit he grabbed me and pulled me close again. His mouth found mine but the kisses were soft and loving. I moved away gently and dressed. 

“So do I get an explanation for that?” He asked gesturing toward the bed, then he gathered his hair, piled it on top of his head and bound it. 

“Can a woman in love not express herself physically as well? You never made an issue of it before.” I turned back to the bed pretending to adjust the covers again, knowing my expression would betray me.

“But you and Tiarrh….I thought...” 

“Don’t!” The word came out of my mouth far too harsh and I felt him nearly flinch. “Don’t think. Let this just be okay?” 

He approached me and wrapped his arms around me so my back was tight against his chest. “Yeah, Sure. So what is it you have in mind for me today?” 

I turned around in his arms, looked up at him and smiled. “It’s _**my**_ turn to play tour guide.” 

Much like he had done with me in the seireitei, I took Renji in hand to show him the world in which I’d been born, raised and trained. He had the chance to see firsthand why I’d been so vehement about the conditions in the rukongai and why it was so shocking to me. He marveled at everything, finally comprehending what I’d tried so hard to explain. He was amazed we had only one Acime designated for training and housing warriors. We’d never needed more. The last breach of Fomhóraigh had been so long ago it had become as a legend told to awe children at night. 

Days turned into weeks as I showed him how each Acime functioned both separately and as a piece of the whole of the Spéir. Cool autumn days, and colder autumn nights though each one set ablaze by our fierce and frequent lovemaking. Once I felt he’d learned all he could from elsewhere, I pulled us back to Chéad Acime. Back to where the end would begin. 

We spent days in the Acime grounds. First with me and the young children. It was heartbreakingly wonderful seeing how simply Renji interacted with them while stating all along children made him exceptionally uncomfortable. Then we moved to days in the training hall. I thought there might be some friction with Mairead, Eighneachan, and Nóirín but Renji was a Vice Captain after all and that was their equal position here ceannasaí. They sparred and spoke openly about their experiences and training. 

That’s when the edges began to ruffle. As Renji was able to speak of Byakuya and a few of the other Captains, all those present could speak to but one - Tiarrh their Príomh Múinteoir and Rófhéinní to the Spéir itself. Tiarrh who possessed the raw power of Zaraki, the swordsmanship and discipline of Byakuya, the talent, skill and presence of Shunsui and the demeanor and mental acumen of Jushiro all within one man. Renji already filled himself with the need to defeat just once, Byakuya Kuchiki. I could see it in his eyes as the others spoke of Tiarrh he knew he couldn’t measure up and the seed of self-doubt was planted. When it was mentioned how astounding they all thought it was they’d seen Tiarrh’s chéad eisiúint and speculated about his dara scaoileadh, I tried to assure them it was not something they wanted to witness. They were amazed I’d even seen it. Renji was awestruck. As I originally thought he had no idea Tiarrh was holding so much so casually in reserve when they fought. 

Soon after I timed our visits to the training hall to match Tiarrh’s time with the trainees. First it was just harsh glances between the two. I felt I was the most wicked woman to ever exist, because I could explain to no one as to why, as I’d give Renji all my attention physical and otherwise, but once Renji was occupied sparring with any of the other ceannasaí, I’d casually move over to Tiarrh and his group doing far more than just openly flirting with him. I had to force myself to ignore the glares I received from all my oifigeach and even the trainees. I had to keep my thoughts and emotions under strict control, for what started as glares between the two of them turned into muttered then openly spoken words. Directly it became intermittent blows that more and more became passing brawls as the oifigeach and ceannasaí kept separating them.  


Their overall charisma towards those around them also had the desired effect. As it seemed there was no solution to removing Renji from the Spéir many of the trainees and even lower oifigeach had chosen him over Tiarrh because his techniques were so new and different. Because as a zanpakuto Zabimaru created a whole new awareness for them regarding spiorad chomhrac. A power struggle was inevitable. I’d basically created a civil war within my own Acime. Nothing anyone in the Comhairle could say or do was influencing anyone’s actions and the tension and chaos began seeping out of Chéad Acime.

Finally it happened. Whether internally sourced by either or both of them or goaded by others, cause was immaterial, Renji and Tiarrh faced off with abilities active once more. Honestly, I was afraid to come between them again, because of what occurred the first time. The power I called upon that wasn’t at all mine. The moment that thought passed I felt it. Not lurking and hinting but active and aware. A new thought overtook the previous one. How interesting would it be for them all to see what they thought they desired - laoch gan staonadh alive and unleashed – the outsider, the usurper crushed in a shower of bone and blood. NO! No, I would not let them kill each other! I had to fight to even get to them as so many, not just Chéad Acime had gathered to watch. I managed to get almost between them but neither payed me any attention. When I drew and activated ainneonach heagraí and could not call upon the force I had before. 

“Of course you can’t you weak, despondent animal!” I heard that haunting deep guttural voice say. I wasn’t sure if it was in my head or not. Then the laugh. When it laughed I knew. The sound issued from my mouth. “Yessss!” It hissed. “Yes! Inevitable! Freedom!” 

I watched from inside my own head as my body distorted and lengthened – torso arms and legs stretching into horrific disproportions. The flesh changing to a red hue streaked with black that pulsed and moved like living veins. Those gathered some gasped and fled while others tried to subdue. Pointless. The thing cast them aside like dolls. That, of course got Renji and Tiarrh’s attention and they both attacked at once. The hollow already encountered Renji once and was able to anticipate. Renji knew this and from his movements was clearly acting as a distraction for Tiarrh to combat the thing himself and with laoch gan staonadh’s active phantom warrior. 

Unlike before when it only had Renji and I as combatants here was completely different. The oifigeach and ceannasaí, trained and readied by Tiarrh had a solid threat to face. One that unified the fuinneamh anam emanating from all of them. The hollow was unable to adapt and Tiarrh had it cornered and Zabimaru quickly enveloped it coiling about it tight. It writhed and screamed as it tried to resist being bound by indeterminate amounts of ropes, chain and finally shackles. Several of the ceannasaí held it tight as Renji released Zabi’s coils though Tiarrh still held it at swordpoint. It kept fighting against them and that gave me just enough of a pause of its control to break through. 

I turned my – our- its head toward Tiarrh. “Renji. Gateway. To shoten.” I managed to bark out. Fortunately, it was enough of my voice they knew it was really me. But my plan and intent was wide in the open and it fought for control again. Without Renji it had nothing to manipulate me with. “Tiarrh! Take! Him!”  


It tried flailing and wriggling. For a moment I feared my wonderful ceannasaí were going to lose their hold but didn’t. A large group crawled into a barred wagon with it as it continued its attempts at breaking its bonds and we headed to the northeast. 

“Not so easy,” the guttural voice screeched. The sound pierced me to my core and actually caused me pain. “So they’ve bound my body. Once again I’ll ensnare your mind and this time, they’ve left you all alone.” 

I am not alone. I thought to myself as I steeled against what I knew was coming. I’d put them both through so much. I’d done amazing and also questionable things. I’d made Renji promise to not give up and he had more than once. Tiarrh refused to let his faith in me falter. I just had to hold out to the Well and this would be over. Laughter, cutting contemptuous laughter, and then the pain began.


	22. Home

COLD. All I could feel and sense was cold. I tried to think and remember but there was just cold. Then I heard something. An odd vibrating, slightly clattering sound. Took me ages but I realized it was me. My teeth were chattering. With that awareness, I discovered I was shivering uncontrollably. So cold. Where was I? What was happening? I heard something else. A licking, lapping sort of sound? Was it water? Water! The Well! 

“Aaaaababababababababrai?” I choked out over my shivering and clashing teeth. The sound was coarse but it was my voice. 

“Through the gateway as you ordered,” came the reply from a deep pleasant baritone voice. 

Cold. So cold. I believed I said it out loud but I was unsure. 

“Come here,” he said. Arms scooped me up and I flopped against him. He was not cold and I wanted to crawl inside of him. The arms held me as we neared something more warm and something else not cold was wrapped around us both. The shivering and chattering seemed as though it would never stop as my head remained unmoved. I was so cold I couldn’t find the will to move any part of my body. Occasionally the arms would spread and I’d get a quick blast of cold followed by soothing amazing heat and I’d be wrapped up again. That process continued for an indeterminate time. 

Eventually I did stop shivering and chattering and was able to breathe and move freely. It was then I discovered the bare chest I was resting upon was not, as I’d assumed, Tiarrh as there was not a hair upon it. Also, I was completely naked with a blanket wrapped around us both. We sat, well he sat, I was still mostly cradled in his arms in front of a small fire a short distance from the Hazelnut trees surrounding the Well. 

He chuckled. “Not ‘the’ Well,” he stated. “ _ **My**_ Well.” 

Oh crap what?! I looked up at him. Half again as large and bulky as Tiarrh, but his features were so similar as were his striking green eyes and thick brown hair. Here I was being held and cared for by Nechtan. Oh crap! What had happened? 

His chuckle grew stronger. “She told me if you woke you’d survived and I needed to keep you alive,” he said.

He carefully enveloped me in what I could now tell was a huge, for me, blanket and sat me in front of the fire. He disappeared for a moment and when he returned had a dress of sorts that he handed to me. I had a quick flash of embarrassment but clearly he’d already seen me naked so why bother. I slipped the garment on and pulled the blanket tight over myself once more. Huge hands placed a couple more split logs on the fire and sparks flew. Once they’d settled he sat across from me and stared at me. Part of me wished the fire would make me melt. 

“Not a good idea,” he stated. “You’d just dribble away and too much of you is in my well as it is! You’ve abused it. Hasn’t seen so much activity in centuries as you’ve provided in a span of weeks. I know why, and She took on the responsibility of clearing it from you. And it’s in there now too. Ghastly bloody thing! Not arguing, though I could, it could not have returned to its master knowing about this place. Can’t even imagine more of those – things - and worse touching _**my**_ Well. _**My**_ trees! Daring to eat _**my**_ fish!” 

I gulped when I could feel the anger and betrayal as I had before and I shrank ever so slightly from the fire. The moment I was aware of it, the sensation subsided and the grotto was calm again. 

“You did bring one fine scrapper with you though. Haven’t seen his like in some time. Didn’t know me from squat! I let him get in a few licks yanno, so he thought he was doing something. Didn’t want him feeling bad. First impressions and all. You know what’s coming for him, for all of them, now don’t you? Soon and in the long haul?” 

“Yes.” 

“What they ultimately have to face?”

“Yes.”

“What this thing was and who its master is?”

“Yes.” 

“Where the thread of his life is leading?”

I choked on a sob. “Yes!”

“See now do you? Understand the dangers of this Well? Of knowing more than you really, truly want? Why I protect it as fiercely as I do?” 

“Yes.” 

“So you know what you have to do?” 

“Yes,” I whispered. 

“Good!” He stood and crushed the fire into nothingness with his bare feet. “Then get the fuck out of my grotto! You’re not to be allowed here again. If you make any such attempt you and yours will face retribution!” 

“Wait! What happened? I don’t understand!” 

“Sure you do. Leave! You’ll remember or you won’t - water is fickle that way. Like the mortal mind. I won’t say it again. I’ll toss you out and I assure you it will be unpleasant.” 

I retreated across the mossy path and I quickly realized I’d been on the far side of the well in a space that was hidden upon my last trip. The steps were waiting. The climb was tiring and very slow toward the top. When my feet touched the grass the opening snapped shut and I fell. 

Tree branch arms lifted me from the ground and held me. Awake and aware I didn’t need to look. I could tell from scent alone it was Tiarrh. I buried my face in his chest and let myself cry. There had been so much and at the same time I had no idea what happened. When I calmed, I told Tiarrh everything. He told me not to force the experience into my awareness. Anticipating I wouldn’t be able to walk the distance back to my quarters he’d driven a wagon to fetch me. He lifted me onto the bench and after he settled with reins in hand I leaned my head against him and began telling him what and who I’d just encountered. Almost done. Almost home. But I had debts to pay. 

In the days I was recovering from the ordeal it had slammed back into my awareness like having a rock dropped on my head. My brilliantly trained ceannasaí had taken us through the woods, which was very slow going in the especially overburdened wagon. Tiarrh was already there when they reached the clearing. It took all of them to haul us out of the cage and drag us to the well. The passage wouldn’t open no matter what anyone did or said. Apparently Tiarrh had pleaded in utter desperation and the ancient well façade expanded to accommodate the size and they dumped us in. Fortunately, since the proper intervention was at hand we landed in the pool. 

Tiarrh told me he ordered the ceannasaí back to the Aicme after explaining to them what happened, including most of the discussion he had with Renji, while he remained waiting. It seems that quite a bit of what I thought was genuine animosity between them was also an elaborate act. During the first trip into the grotto Nechtan had expelled Renji from the Well almost immediately. They scuffled but Nechtan had told Renji he had no further business in the Spéir other than assisting me since the hollow had come from his realm. When Mairead was able to add everything I already told her to Tiarrh’s tale, they were able to quickly relate the information to all Aicme and the Comhairle what our plan was and why we’d been behaving thus. Regardless of my final outcome, the hollow was contained. When he returned a couple days later, when I still had not emerged, he took it upon himself as Rófhéinní to address a full assemblage of the Comhairle. With the full support of Chéad, Tríú and Naoú Aicme, Renji gone and the threat of the hollow eliminated, the Comhairle relented and as expected proceeded as if nothing significant transpired. For all their bluster they knew Tiarrh would hesitantly, though regretfully, genuinely cause a civil war at this point. 

Meanwhile, I was in the well the entire time having to remind myself I wouldn’t drown because She wouldn’t allow it. It took so long and it was so incredibly painful removing the hollow from me. It was like having to pull the stitches out of expertly, tightly sewn clothing. I had to remain in the well to allow the hollow to dissipate into the water becoming a non-material thing. There was not a part of me that didn’t have to be cleansed of the thing. And in so doing it changed me. I was dia bás but not as I had been before. Somehow I just knew I could no longer traverse the mortal world. Surprisingly, I wasn’t bothered by the awareness. I had only ventured into Karakura with all the opportunities I had to move about with mortals in all my years. I would only need Karakura as a stepping stone once more. 

A few days later, once fully rested and able, I privately divulged my intentions with Tiarrh while sharing breakfast in my quarters as we’d come to do. As expected he was displeased and argumentative. Understandable as he’d nearly lost me in the seireitei once. He stated every possible objection and I sat waiting for him to finish before giving him the reasons I had to briefly return. 

“Please believe me when I tell you we _**can not**_ have Mayuri Kurotsuchi wandering about the Spéir,” I exclaimed. “He cannot be allowed to discover the solution to the passageways. He exists to solve conundrums. Knowledge of us has been a source of near infinite joy for him, I promise, and he will not let it go until it’s solved regardless of any other subject that requires his immediate attention. It will simmer on the back of his mind for centuries if need be. If I go I can promise him a fair substitute for what he did not receive when I did not die and he’ll turn over or destroy the research progress in front of me. I’d have considered it a possibility anyway, that he’d puzzle it out, but with what I’ve seen, I _**know**_ he will.” I tapped the side of my head. 

“That point I cannot argue with but you have told me what was revealed to you about the multiple catastrophes they’re about to experience,” he mused. “So why can’t it wait?” 

“Because I was not shown the outcomes! Success is not guaranteed in any of them. It’s like having uncountable chess matches in play all at once and having to see where each play leads on each successive board – moving forward then back again before choosing and moving the next piece. It’s exhausting and ironically I understand Urahara much better now. But I need my debts there paid in full before their focus must return in force to Aizen’s intentions. Trust me, I _**will**_ return. I know the way now. If I lingered something would slip. I cannot risk being neglectful and speak to any of what I’ve learned about them and their troubles.” 

I stood, moved in front of him where he sat, and took his hands in mine. “Plus, I don’t belong there. My home and my place is here and my future is with you.” 

He pulled me to him and held me tight for the longest time. “I’m terrified to let you go,” he whispered finally. 

“I know and I understand. But this will be the _**last**_ time,” I said then moved to kiss him. 

His response was hard and deep, almost desperate as his lips smashed against mine. He stood with me in his arms and in sheer moments we were naked in my bed. He’d suppressed his desire for so very long but let this spell of complete vulnerability destroy it. Once that dam was broken it would not be contained again. This was the man who’d introduced me to physical intimacy and pleasure and he knew with unrelenting mastery how to slowly manipulate dragging me to the precipice and crashing me engulfed in him over and over. When we were both utterly spent, the overwhelming emotions left me crying in his arms. He held and comforted me until I was calm. 

He had his duties to attend to so we kissed our goodbyes and he reluctantly left me as I dressed. While it was difficult to let him go knowing what he was feeling, for me this was preferable. I had a long, heartfelt letter to compose before heading to the shoten and I’d be fighting with tears as I wrote. 

Mairead was at the main Roundhouse when I arrived. I was briefly concerned that she too was going to argue with me. But she hugged me quickly then looked me over.

“Not wearing the other thing?” she inquired. 

I shook my head. “I am dia bás, not shinigami. I will settle my debts and say my goodbyes. I am An Roghnaithe. My place is here.” 

Her hands came to my shoulders and her forehead touched mine. “Safe journey then.” 

“The path is totally clear this time. I won’t get lost. Promise.” I took her head in my hands and kissed her forehead then stepped away from her. 

“Dhíghlasáil,” I said softly. A slight shimmering of light shone before us and a stone archway appeared. I sighed then stepped through. 

I stepped into the space beneath the shoten and was greeted by a very deep stare from Kisuke Urahara. “I have so much to say to you I don’t even know where to start!” I barked. 

His face slid into his crooked half-smile. “But you don’t need to,” he replied. 

I sighed. He was right. Kisuke Urahara was an ask for forgiveness rather than permission individual. Always had been. That was never going to change. “A postcard?” I had to ask.

“It was small and unobtrusive,” he replied with a twinkling in his eyes. “Besides, it all worked didn’t it?” 

“I wouldn’t be here otherwise. While necessary you’re still accountable for some of the chaos I had to deal with, but we’ll settle that later. Where’s Renji?” I whispered. 

“Not here,” Kisuke replied with an odd unease to his voice. “There was a meeting. I actually thought he’d be back after but guess not.” 

“I suppose it’s best I get this all done at once.” 

I faced his senkaimon and spoke, “Athshocrú agus a oscailt.” It activated and waited. 

He chuckled. “Show off!” 

I winked and stepped through. There’d be no issues this time. I’d learned the way. I could have gone straight to the seireitei from the Spéir, but wasn't sure which place Renji would be. The dangai was so goopy compared to the spás i idir. Had to have been designed to be creepy. So much about the seireitei and souru sosaeti was dark and almost sad. I sincerely hoped that would not perpetuate indefinitely. The doorway was open when I reached the other side. As I intended my slight alteration to the gate had prevented any alarms. I slipped into the seireitei as night fell, unnoticed, and I darted off to Inuzuri. 

The sanctuary was closed and silent when I arrived, but only recently so. I had taken Renji at his word but that this had endured filled me with emotion I had no word for. I was already crying as I crested the steps to the loft. Completely spotless and nothing out of place. He was still coming and cleaning every day waiting for a moment that would not come. I had to slap my hand over my mouth to silence my sobs as I left the letter on the tightly made bed. It was cowardly of me and I knew it. I could not have looked at that bright face and knocked any of the light out of it even for a moment. There was no way I could _**tell**_ Hanataro goodbye nor could I properly explain why I’d asked him to never mention me around Renji again. I’d begged him at the end of the letter for his forgiveness for my cowardice which I knew he’d give freely without hesitation. I lingered a moment at the doorway then turned toward Fourth Divison. 

Finding Captain Unohana was easier than I thought. She was strolling the corridors of Division Four. Of course I hadn’t slipped completely unnoticed into the seireitei. I managed to condense the events into something that had a modicum of cohesion and sense. I spoke my thanks to her and asked she pass on that sentiment to Isane. She wished me well and good fortune in my future. Time for my next stop. 

I wandered slowly and carefully into and through Division Twelve. I managed to get all the way into his lab unfettered. He was waiting. 

“You think you’re stealthy, Ciani Luighseach,” he stated. 

I smiled as he stepped into view from seemingly nowhere. “No I don’t. You let me in and we both know it.” 

“Fools didn’t fail as spectacularly as I expected,” he mused and almost smiled. “Even if it denied me such a fantastic specimen.” 

“Don’t get sentimental on me Mayuri. I came to make one final deal and we’ll be settled in full.” 

He stared at me intently waiting to hear my offer. My heart sped up. If Tiarrh knew what I was about to do…but that’s why I had not told him. Like Kisuke – better to ask forgiveness than permission. I returned his stare before speaking. “Two ounces of raw, un-sedated cerebrospinal fluid in trade for the agreement you will abandon any and all attempts to enter the Spéir and _**proof**_ , as in I want to witness you destroying any hard research you’ve achieved in said task. I’d offer more but I haven’t the time. Non negotiable.” 

His eyes widened briefly as he considered. When they started to narrow, I knew I’d hooked him. 

“Done!” was his only response. 

Strapped face down on the table I briefly thought I was making a hideous error in judgement. But this was a necessary sacrifice. I wouldn’t be setting foot in the seireitei again so I’d never know what he’d done with it. I’d been unable to respond but had been aware, as my mind had never been compromised only my body, when Renji stopped Mayuri from drawing my blood what now seemed a lifetime ago. He’d tear Division Twelve down if he knew what was happening. I concentrated and re-centered all my fuinneamh anam back upon myself to keep it from seeping out of the lab. Deep. Slow breaths. Calm. 

Mayuri stood next to the table and Vice Captain Nemu placed a gag of sorts into my mouth to help muffle the scream I knew I could not prevent. His fingers were warm and still as he pulled the skin taut. The needle went in and I closed my eyes and let the pain roll over me as not to twitch in the slightest and allowed it to pass out of my mouth in a strange amalgamation of a cry, whimper and growl and tears fell freely from my eyes. Once the needle was removed his hand cupped the back of my neck. I took and exhaled a breath. Nemu released me but Mayuri moved to help me stand. I squeezed his hand very quickly then released it. He really needed a friend. 

He walked over to his instruments and I followed. He brought up the information then stepped back. “You know how this works. You do it and you cannot ever accuse me of hiding anything,” he stated. Adorable, suspicious, madman. I was going to miss him. In seconds the information was gone. 

He accompanied me to the door of his lab. “And I have your word, your complete and utter vow you _**will not**_ ever investigate the gateway again?” I insisted. 

“We made an agreement, didn’t we?” he asked in response. “I swear I will not consciously attempt to open the gateway into your precious Spéir.” 

‘Consciously.’ It would have to do. I took his hands in mine. “Be true to yourself Mayuri, always.” 

He looked at our hands then jerked his back. He spun on his heels with a huff and strode away without another word. 

Stepping out into the night air once more I found myself hesitating. More long breaths. One last stop. My heart pounded up into my throat. Division Six barracks. No delaying this. I _**had**_ to. 

He was in his bed deeply asleep. I hesitated again and stood watching him for quite some time. Slowly I slipped off my clothing and let it pile on the floor. I knelt beside his bed and crept in next to him. I blew ever so softly across his ear before I moved my mouth to nibble gently at it. He sucked in a sleepy breath and without even opening his eyes I felt his arms slither around me. I trailed to his mouth and we locked in what seemed an endless kiss and every other movement and action occurred only as we gasped for breath. Everything else in the whole universe ceased to matter and exist but our bodies and what we were feeling - speaking crazy confused words of passion and promises I knew neither of us could ever keep. 

The tiniest fraction of dawn was on the horizon and I thought him asleep again. I moved to untangle myself from him but his arms stiffened and refused to release me. I closed my eyes and swallowed hard. So much for sneaking away. Tears were already burning my eyes as I turned toward him. My hand moved to the side of his face. One of his hands engulfed mine and drew it to his mouth and held it there. I heard him choke in a whimper and he sniffled. I bit my trembling lower lip between my teeth, then kissed him deeply one last time. I gently moved his hands from me kissing each one as I did. I stood and dressed quickly not looking at him nor speaking once I had. I hesitated at the door but forced myself to pass through. 

I was at the edge of Division Six grounds when I felt the explosion of his reiatsu and heard the scream that was carried along with it. It struck me like a spear straight through to my core. I nearly faltered. I was sobbing unabashedly when I reached the senkaimon. I was barely able to make it open. I turned to look over my shoulder and was crushed and thankful to not see him coming after me. 

Re-entering the space under the shoten I let my legs fail me and released any lingering control I had on my emotions. A hand on my shoulder forced me to look up. Kisuke knelt beside me and handed me a handkerchief. “You know what I want you to do,” I managed to choke out through my barely subdued hysterics. 

His gaze hardened. “Are you sure?” he asked. 

I wiped my face several times and managed to calm myself into sniffles. I nodded. “Too distracting. He is needed here. His focus _**must**_ be here! And it’s not just Aizen…I’ve seen…” Kisuke’s hand came to rest on the top of my head and I understood he wanted that to remain unspoken. 

He stood then held his hand out to me. I took it and stood beside him. “Be completely certain. This cannot be undone.” 

“It must be done and I know you understand the reasoning why.” I closed my eyes again. “It’s my burden, Kisuke. While through you it is still _**my**_ will that’s acting against his – without his consent.” 

He sighed. “Okay. Our account is paid in full then. When next he comes to Karakura it will be done. You will forever become as a dream to him and no more.” 

I nodded blotting tears away again. I gestured at the senkaimon asking him to activate it as I was currently incapable. “Thank you – for everything,” I whispered as I stepped through. 

I thought I heard him say “Until next time,” as I stepped through but I was uncertain. 

I emerged just outside the main roundhouse, which confirmed what I guessed about my traversing within mortal realm. The Shoten was something else entirely. Tiarrh was waiting for me and with as awkward as it was I flung myself into his arms to cry uncontrollably once more about leaving forever the other man I loved. He just held me and stroked my hair. His arms tightened around me when I explained what I’d done with Mayuri, the letter I’d left for Hanataro and what I’d asked Kisuke to do. 

“Roles reversed I’m not sure I’d have your resolve,” he said trying to reassure me. “I told you it wasn’t your strength I doubted, chuisele mo chroí.” 

I tightened my arms about him and smiled. That managed to still my tears. ‘Pulse of my heart.’ He’d not said that to me since the night of our betrothal all those years ago. I looked up at him. We released each other at almost the same time. He engulfed my hand in his as we walked the short distance to Chéad Aicme.

Upon reaching the grounds but before getting to my quarters I stopped. I giggled, then shouted, “Hey everyone I’m home!” 

The following days and weeks were a chaotic blur. Repairs to Chéad Aicme were completed. The betrothal between Tiarrh and I was renewed and arrangements for the actual wedding were immediately underway. With that came the announcement from Tiarrh’s parents that I was to move from my quarters at the Aicme to the Síochánta House in the Taisech ring, and that, of course, Tiarrh would be residing there permanently as well. There wasn’t much to relocate but I did ask Tiarrh to put my shihakushō in a place of safe keeping for me – not hidden but away - just so it wouldn’t be a fresh or constant reminder. 

The day of our wedding was so normally eventful I had very few clear memories. So much tradition and ritual. I was in a damned uncomfortable dress most of the day and was constantly fussed at for fidgeting in it and with it. There was far too much food and far too much drinking and music. The ceremony happened with insane amounts of meticulous detail I simply did as I was told. Words were spoken. Hands were bound with cloth. Rings, newly designed and forged by Cúigiú Aicme, were exchanged. Blood was mingled with wine. The only concrete memory I had was of how stunningly handsome Tiarrh was that I caught my breath each time I looked at him and found myself gawking. 

It wasn’t until deep into that night as I was snuggled next to Tiarrh with my head resting upon his shoulder with his fingers lazily tracing my spine that I finally felt the truth of the words I’d already spoken. I was where I belonged. I _**was**_ home. 

 

*****************************************************************************

“You can do this macushla,” Tiarrh’s voice quietly urged. 

I shook my head. I could barely see from the sweat dripping down my forehead. “No! No I can’t!” I cried. “Battle with the hollow wasn’t this hard!” 

His arm tightened around my shoulders and my head fell back onto his chest. Right as he kissed the top of my head another wave began but it hit much harder and faster than the last. My hands gripped his so tight I was shaking. I started panting but it turned into a scream. This pattern continued several more times before another voice spoke. 

“The head has crowned,” the cnáimhseach said. I couldn’t think clearly enough to recall her name. “Once more, that’s all I need.” 

Tiarrh’s voice was in my ear again telling me how strong I was. That I didn’t break only bend. He held steadfast onto me gently moving my torso forward. Like being sucker-punched another wave hit and my hands clutched his so tight this time I was sure I’d break them. Right as I thought I might vomit or pass out from the pain it happened. It was done. Tiarrh lay me back down on the mattress and blotted at my forehead, then turned toward the cnáimhseach. 

His shoulders slumped ever so slightly. I’m not sure anyone else would have noticed, but I knew him too well. It was so very tiny cupped within both of Tiarrh’s huge hands. He moved towards me. A boy. As he slid the baby into my arms and against my chest, one of Tiarrh's arms moved around me to help me sit up slightly once more. So small, pale and fragile and I knew instantly what caused Tiarrh’s reaction. So much hair. As it began to dry it was almost a replica of my own but for one detail; a slightly off center stripe of bright crimson went across his head from the nape of his neck to his forehead - a warrior's stripe. While I knew beyond any doubt he would never treat him as anything but, this baby was not Tiarrh’s son. 

As I cradled him I moved to lean against Tiarrh. I stroked the baby’s head a few times with a finger. A name appeared in my head and tears were already flowing before I could speak. “Hello, my precious Ruadhán.” I felt Tiarrh’s head against mine, and he whispered 'yes' as I moved the baby to my breast. “You’ll never know him, and he will never know of you, but I want to tell you about your father – his name is Renji Abarai.”


End file.
